Sunday, December 6, 2009

Trials

The Savior knows the weight of our suffering and the depths of our pain. He has experienced every pain and has suffered for each of us and he loves us without reservation.


I have started a list on a blank page in my scriptures listing heartaches that the Lord is personally familiar with. It has made me so much closer to him to realize, yes, he really does know how I feel. He experienced the same thing.

Today I read Isaiah 53:3-5
3 He is adespised and rejected of men; a man of bsorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we cesteemed him not.
4 Surely he hath aborne our bgriefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5 But he was awounded for our btransgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his cstripes we are dhealed.

And Matthew 11:28
28 aCome unto me, all ye that blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you crest.

And lastly, Psalms 55:22
22 aCast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the brighteous to be moved.

Ryan is at Tim's this weekend, so I will share some of my thoughts with you. Each of us pass through our own refiner's fires and there are probably more than one in life. The last two years have been one of mine. It has also been the most spiritual time of my life. I wish that I could so how convey the depth of conviction in my heart, the personal witness that I have had, or the love I feel for my Savior. He knew before I knew and He came before I knew I needed him. I didn't feel him walk beside me or carry me, I felt him embrace me and protect me. He provided and removed stumbling blocks. And when the fire became unbearable, he truly strengthened me. It wasn't emotional or symbolic, it was real. I have heard his voice. I have tangibly felt his love. He is real.

A few years ago, we took a family field trip to a glassblower's studio in Guthrie. It was an education and like everything, had many spiritual lessons. One thing that I learned was that after the glass leaves the furnace, it takes days to cool through a cooling process. Over the last few months, I have felt like I have left the furnace and am going through the cooling process. Daily, I feel tempered and quieted. I feel a inner strength that I have never felt before. I feel like a very different person than the pre-divorce Julie. I never understood the concept of being grateful for trials, and maybe I still don't. I do understand it better now. The testimony that I now have has been worth every tear shed, every heart break. I know he knows me. He knows my name and my heart. He cherishes me. I am His.

Many times the Lord answers our prayers through the actions of others; "the errand of angels." I have had many angels, people who I cherish, as they have followed through with prompting from the Lord to meet needs & wishes I had not expressed. This Christmas, I challenge myself and each of you to be an angel to someone. Sincerely pray to be directed of the Lord. Listen for his voice and go and do what he has asked of you, not matter how silly or trivial. Be His angel this Christmas.

The song for today is "Come, Come Ye Saints" - I especially love the 2nd verse -
"Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
Tis not so, all is right
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins,
Fresh courage take
Our God will never us forsake
And soon we'll have this tale to tell
All is well! All is well!

The Story for today is "The Big Wheel"

In September 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone. The boys ranged from three months to seven years; their sister was two. Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared. Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds.

He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries. Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beatings, but no food either.

If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it. I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade dress. loaded them into the rusty old 51 Chevy and drove off to find a job. The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town. No luck.

The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I tried to convince whomever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything.

I had to have a job. Still no luck. The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop. It was called the Big Wheel.

An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids. She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11 at night until seven in the morning. She paid 65 cents an hour and I could start that night. I raced home and called the teenager down the street that baby-sat for people. I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night. She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep. This seemed like a good arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big Wheel. When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money--fully half of what I averaged every night. As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager wage. The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home.

One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires! There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful brand new tires. Had angels taken up residence in Indiana? I wondered.

I made a deal with the local service station. In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office. I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't enough. Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids. I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then I hid them in the basement so there would be something for Santa to deliver on Christmas morning. Clothes were a worry too. I was

sewing patches on top of patches on the boys' pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee in the Big Wheel. These were the truckers, Les, Frank, and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe.

A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine. The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and then left to get home before the sun came up.

When it was time for me to go home at seven o'clock on Christmas morning I hurried to the car. I was hoping the kids wouldn't wake up before I managed to get home and get the presents from the basement and place them under the tree. (We had cut down a small cedar tree by the side of the road down by the dump.) It was still dark and I couldn't see much, but there appeared to be some dark shadows in the car-or was that just a trick of the night? Something certainly looked different, but it was hard to tell what. When I reached the car I peered warily into one of the side windows. Then my jaw dropped in amazement. My old battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes. I quickly opened the driver's side door, crumbled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat.

Reaching back, I pulled off the lid of the top box. Inside was whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10! I looked inside another box: It was full of shirts to go with the jeans. Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes. There was candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries. There was everything for our holiday dinner, and canned vegetables and potatoes. There were desserts and cookies, pie filling and flour. There was whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items. And there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through empty streets as the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life, I was sobbing with gratitude. And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop....



2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you. I always learn from you!

The Mrs. said...

I know we all have multiple firings/trials in our lives. And I have learned that someday we will be grateful for them. One of the things I am most grateful for is that last 2 years I had with my mother after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was a very trying time, it was a time that I prayed for God to take the trial away from me and make her better, it is a time that I cherish and hold close to my heart. It was something that I will forever be grateful for.

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