Monday, September 1, 2008

Divorce 101

I have learned quite a bit lately. Things I never would have thought of and I started a Divorce 101 list. These are things that people have done for me or I have done for myself that have helped get through this time. A few are things that I wish had been done. (They are not in any particular order)

A good uplifting book(s)- one friend sent me "21 Days Closer to Christ" and another shared a beautiful book about motherhood. Both lifted me and helped me to lean on Christ. They helped me find some peace and perspective.

Running Shoes - I started taking long walks and eventually bought myself some running shoes. It is very freeing to feel like I am running away from my problems.

Journal - I have always kept a journal although never regularly. For the first time in my life, my journal has become therapy. It has been so helpful to pour out my heart, to write out the pain, the fear, the disappointment and eventual end with some perspective and peace.

Music - I made a mix cd when I was in Washington which was really wonderful. Many of the songs are ones that Tim would not have liked so I haven't listened to them much over the years. I feel like I am reclaiming my independence, my personality, by listening to songs I love.

Body Pillow - I have had a very hard time sleeping. Lots of strange, distorted dreams where I wake not sure what is real and what I dreamed. It has been hard getting used to a huge empty bed.

Netflix & Books on Tape - My hardest time is when I drop Ry off for visitation. My life is so quiet, so unrecognizable in those moments. Books on tape & a movie to come home too have helped get my mind focused on something and not wallow in despair.

Missionary dinner invitations - My heart hurt when I realized that we could not feed the missionaries in our home any longer. I have been so grateful for the invitations to dinner when others are feeding the Elders. My son needs to see these missionaries, to see the example of missionary work, to feel the missionary spirit. All these years I have feed the missionaries and never once did I think to invite other single parent families.

Jewelry Box - Tim bought my jewelry box our first year of marriage. For some reason, it brought a lot of pain. I would remember how things used to be and how a jewelry box holds so many of my treasures - jewelry from my mom, Ryan's baby teeth, old temple recommends, etc. I wasn't planning on doing much about it, but while I was in Washington, I found a beautiful dark cherry wood jewelry box with an inlaid top for $3.oo in the clearance bin. I brought it home and have love having a fresh place to hold my treasures.

A God Box - there are so many things that I now have no control over. There are so many things that I have to turn over to the Lord because I can not do them. A month or so ago I bought a God Box. It is a beautiful cardboard box that says "Hope, Love & Trust" on the top. When things start to overwhelm me or when I am dealing with things beyond my control, I write them down and store them in the box. It is my way of putting them in God's hands.


Alisa said...

great list- I think you should make a link on your sidebar and keep adding to it.
like you said there are so many things that you just don't think about.
you are so strong- you really are

Meghan said...

I second Alisa's comments. Thank you for using your experiences as an opportunity to help others. And not just others "in your same situation." I have been so inspired by your actions and example. Please keep sharing.

Cinderill said...

I think I would add to the list how many things that you discover about yourself (and this might take time). Remember on the Runaway Bride movie when she never knew how she liked her eggs? She just took them however her boyfriend did. Time to discover all the things you love and start doing things for you. I chopped off all my hair when I got divorced, then I dyed it chocolate then red. I did this because they were things I felt I couldn't do before. I also went to some rodeos. I love them and he hated them. BTW: I like my eggs over medium. How about you?

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