Sunday, November 30, 2008

Ringing in the Holiday Season...

with CHICKEN POX!!!!

My deepest apologies to everyone at church. I had no idea. Ry had the vaccine and was deliberately exposed multiple times a few years ago when I was a stay at home mom. Last night he had what looked like his first pimple on his chest. Tonight we counted over 30 and spreading.

While this will cause unknown trauma at work tomorrow, is it bad to be excited about the prospect of some days off to nurse my kiddo back to full health? This is what I get for saying in Gospel Doctrine class today that my plate was full before I got this calling. You gotta love Heavenly Father's sense of humor and the way he sends blessings.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Wii Fun and update

We celebrated Thanksgiving & Christmas yesterday. Ry will be with his dad on Thanksgiving so we attended the ward Thanksgiving dinner - very nice, lots of food, good people.

Ryan had saved all of his birthday money & we saved for the last two months for our Christmas present - a Wii. We bought it yesterday because I was afraid that we wouldn't be be able to find one closer to Christmas. It has been a ton of fun - even more than I thought it would which is saying a lot because I am very anti video games. The best part is that I am basically done for Christmas. We agreed that we will each exchange one homemade gift & stockings, so other than cards (which I haven't decided if I am doing or not), I am done. Ry was so funny - on the way home he said, "This is the best day of my life, but don't tell my future wife I said that!" :)

If my camera was working or if you were here, you would see that I finally got my haircut. I now have a slightly stacked bob with bangs. Very nice to do something different.

I was sustained today to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher. I cried when they asked me. Then I said yes and since then I am unabashedly in denial, trying not to think about it. I had this calling once before and it wasn't pretty the first time. I can handle almost any calling but this one. When will it be my season to be the door greeter? *sigh*

I guess my name is on the high councilmen's short list. I spoke in the Spanish branch last week and I am scheduled to speak in another ward in Jan. No rest for the wicked. :)

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving this week. Hug your family. Read your scriptures. Tell Heavenly Father how grateful you are. Life is good, even when it's bad. Savor every minute.

Love your guts!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I just want to say what great friends I have!

I have been blessed with the most amazing friends. Heavenly Father truly has surrounded me with the best people.

I am so grateful for all of you that have cried with me. It has touched my heart and bound me to you as you have mourned with me. You will be with me forever.

I am so grateful for your thoughtfulness & kindness. You have remembered me, prayed for me, dropped of notes & gifts, shared your services, sent emails & cards. I know I haven't been good at getting back to some of you, or saying "thank you". It seems so hallow, such a trite phrase to try and express the ocean of feelings in my heart.

I am thankful for the listening ears & inspired counsel. I can't imagine how I would have found my way through this nightmare without your help.

I am thankful for the kept counsel. It has been a pleasant surprise to learn that rumor mills do not flourish everywhere. Sunday I gave a lesson in Relief Society and made mention of my trials this past summer without actually saying the word divorce. After the lesson, a sweet, very active sister in our ward came up and hugged me and said, "I don't know what your trials are but you are in my prayers." She was shocked to learn of the divorce. It has happened many times over. My heartbreak has not been discussed, dissected and judge my all who know me. I have been so impressed with you good people. I want to be more like you. You really are amazing.

I am thankful for the married men I know who: 1. are shining examples of the priesthood and have shared that blessing with us. 2. cherish their wives and it shows. They have given me so much hope for the future and helped clarify my goal. 3. for their words of encouragement & love. Our society places so many burdens on men and I am very grateful for their ways of helping me through this.

I want each of you to know that your kindness has been en graven on my heart and recorded in my book of life. Each thing has meant so much. Thank you so much. I love you all.


I am here...

I am sorry for neglecting this blog. I have been writing, but only in my journal. I am trying to be more positive, to find joy in my trials, to embrace my new life, to stop living in the past. I am not doing a very good job of it. My heart feels like a rock, heavy and dead. My life feels so unrecognizable, so far away from my dreams and goals. Every time I think, "Ok, I can do this." A new wave of something hits me and I am back to barely keeping my head above water.

My blessing for today: Ryan. I am so grateful for my relationship with him. I am so thankful that we really talk together and that he shares so many of his thoughts & feelings with me. Almost every visitation weekend I find a note from him under my pillow telling me how much he loves me. He has no idea how much he has helped me through this.

I can do this. I can do this. I can...

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