"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." Albert Einstein

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Day 4

Nothing specific is recorded on this day in the scriptures. I personally like to think the day was spent resting with family and in prayer. It is ironic how the silence of this day effects me more than the miracles.

As I have been re-reading the devotionals that I have posted, my heart is a bit heavy. I am not expressing my heart well at all. All my sentences seem short and abrupt - an effect of being a third grade teacher I guess. Maybe because I am writing these at 5:30a.m. each morning. Maybe because I am not eloquent on expressing the things closest to my heart. I have been reading "Believing Christ" this week and my heart is so full. I love my Savior. I love my Savior. I wish I had words, but I do not. I love my Savior. 


We will spend some time reading a few more parables and some verses with His family. More than anything, I want to spend extra time on my knees today and think of him throughout the day.

Love you all~
Jewels

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Day 3 - Teachings

We will be reading the following today and tomorrow:
Mathew 21: 19-26:16

Mark 11:20-14:11

Luke 20:1-22:6

John 12:37-50

This year we will be focusing on the Royal Marriage Feast and on the 10 Virgins. I want to make a list of things that adds to our lamps. I am looking forward to General Conference this coming weekend to hear specific counsel of what to do to add oil to my lamp. I always really appreciate these few days when I am reading his last teachings in light of the knowledge of what came a few days later.

 I haven't been playing any music but I have found myself thinking many times of the words of the hymns. It is almost like I can't play the music aloud but I hear it deep in my heart, behind the words. I have found that I am writing in my journal more, trying to capture the feelings of my heart. My prayers are longer. My emotions, thoughts and understandings are deeper. I wish I had words to express my heart, but I don't.

Love you all-
Jewels

Monday, March 29, 2010

Day 2 - Cleansing the Temple



Today's Reading:
Matthew 21:12-17

 12 ¶ And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,
  13 And said unto them, It is written, My ahouse shall be called the house of bprayer; but ye have made it a cden of thieves.
  14 And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple; and he healed them.
  15 And when the chief priests and scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the achildren crying in the temple, and saying, Hosanna to the Son of David; they were sore displeased,
  16 And said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise?
  17 ¶ And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there.

Discussion:
We will be discussing the progressions of the temple cleansing as it applies to our own lives: purging, learning, receiving blessings (healing), and praising. We will also be spending some time talking about how Christ would feel in our home. Tonight's FHE activity will be to pick up and clean some of the house to prepare for the Easter week ahead. 

We'll be reading this story- "The Rich Family in Our Church"


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Day 1 - Palm Sunday


 

Today we read: 
  28 ¶ And when he had thus spoken, he went before, ascending up to Jerusalem.
  29 And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called the mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples,
  30 Saying, Go ye into the village over against you; in the which at your entering ye shall find a colt tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring him hither.
  31 And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose him? thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him.
  32 And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them.
  33 And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt?
  34 And they said, The Lord hath need of him.
  35 And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the acolt, and they set Jesus thereon.
  36 And as he went, they spread their clothes in the way.
  37 And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen;
  38 Saying, Blessed be the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and aglory in the highest.
  39 And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Master, rebuke thy disciples.
  40 And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the astones would immediately cry out.
  41 ¶ And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it,
  42 Saying, If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes.
  43 For the days shall come upon thee, that thine aenemies shall cast a btrench about thee, and ccompass thee round, and keep thee in on every side,
  44 And shall alay thee even with the ground, and thy children within thee; and they shall not leave in thee one bstone upon another; because thou knewest not the time of thy cvisitation.

  12 ¶ On the next day much people that were come to the feast, when they heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem,
  13 Took branches of palm trees, and went forth to meet him, and cried, Hosanna: Blessed is the King of Israel that cometh in the name of the Lord.
  14 And Jesus, when he had found a young ass, sat thereon; as it is written,
  15 Fear not, daughter of Sion: behold, thy aKing cometh, sitting on an ass’s colt.
  16 These things aunderstood not his disciples at the first: but when Jesus was glorified, then remembered they that these things were written of him, and that they had done these things unto him.
  17 The people therefore that was with him when he called Lazarus out of his grave, and raised him from the dead, bare record.
  18 For this cause the people also amet him, for that they heard that he had done this bmiracle.
  19 The Pharisees therefore said among themselves, Perceive ye how ye prevail nothing? behold, the aworld is gone after him.
  20 ¶ And there were certain aGreeks among them that came up to bworship at the feast:
  21 The same came therefore to Philip, which was of Bethsaida of Galilee, and desired him, saying, Sir, we would see Jesus.
  22 Philip cometh and telleth Andrew: and again Andrew and Philip tell Jesus.
  23 ¶ And Jesus answered them, saying, The ahour is come, that the Son of man should be bglorified.
  24 Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a acorn of wheat fall into the ground and bdie, it abideth alone: but if it cdie, it bringeth forth much fruit.
  25 He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that ahateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.
  26 If any man serve me, let him afollow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.
  27 Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour.
  28 Father, glorify thy name. Then came there a avoice from heaven, saying, I have both bglorified it, and will glorify it again.
  29 The people therefore, that stood by, and heard it, said that it thundered: others said, An aangel spake to him.
  30 Jesus answered and said, This voice came not because of me, but for your sakes.

This was interesting to me and made me think:
"Palms for the Lord" Friend March 1996
The Sunday before Easter, often called Palm Sunday, reminds us of Christ’s entering Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover. We picture Him riding a donkey, with crowds scattering palm branches along His path.
Many people think that palm branches were used because there were so many palm trees in that part of the world, but there were more reasons than that for choosing them. The palm branch was the emblem of Judea and appeared on the coins of that land, thus symbolizing one of the riches of that country. When Jesus entered Jerusalem, it was when the trees were in bloom, so in covering the way with palm branches, the people were offering a symbol of luxury.
It was a symbol of necessity too. To the Jews, palm branches represented a gift from God because of its many uses in their lives. The palm was so important in that area that when countries there went to war, the first thing they did was cut away the palm branches, causing their enemy to suffer the loss of food and livelihood (jobs).
This important tree has many different species (kinds of trees), ranging in size from less than ten feet (3 m) to over one hundred feet (30 m) high. The date palm supplied dates, of course. The coconut palm supplied both coconut and coconut milk. The sap of the sugar palm was dried, beaten, and ground into very fine sugar. Its leaves could also be boiled and used as a vegetable. The trunk of the sago palm supplied a strong starch that was ground into flour and made into unleavened bread.
Palm trees had almost no waste parts. Their coarse fiber was used to make brooms, mats, and baskets; their fine fiber was used to make sewing thread, and their heaviest fiber was used to make strong ropes for ships. Palm oils have been made into both butter and soap.
Coconut shells, too, were used. Fine bowls, cooking utensils, even tools were made from them. The timber of some palms was resistant to rot and salt water and was especially good for making boats.
The seeds of palms were boiled into a medicinal drink or were dried and eaten as nuts. If they were allowed to dry a long time, they became as hard as rock and transparent, and made durable beads and trinkets.
The palm’s yellowish-white flowers had an odor similar to that of violets, and they were made into perfume. The lovely, waxy flowers also were worn by the women as decorative headdresses.
Strewing palm branches at Jesus’ feet was, then, a symbol of the giving up of worldly goods, both necessities and luxuries.
Lastly, the word Hosanna means save now. How fitting to be crying Hosanna while symbolically giving up worldly treasures. I have been thinking of the palm branches in my life that I would like to lay down at His feet. What are your palm branches? 
I thought these were interesting tidbits from Wikipedia:
It is a common custom in many lands in the ancient Near East to cover, in some way, the path of someone thought worthy of the highest honour.
Indeed, why should the Messiah come on a donkey? The answer stays in the symbolism of the donkey, which in some Eastern traditions seems to be seen as an animal of peace, versus the horse, which is the animal of war. Therefore, it was said that a king came riding upon a horse when he was bent on war and rode upon a donkey when he wanted to point out that he was coming in peace. Thus, the king riding on a colt, the foal of a donkey complies with the epithet gentle or lowly (Hebrew anî - poor, afflicted) and strongly implies the message of peace.
Have a wonderful Palm Sunday~

Invitation- Easter Devotionals

Last December I posted our Christmas Devotionals. In them we walked through the Savior's birth, life, death, mission and teachings. The week before Easter our family has Easter Devotionals dedicated to the last week of the Savior's life. I decided I would post them this year and invite all to join with us. I will be posting today's a bit late in the day, but I will try to post the others early in the morning so that any can participate. These Easter Devotionals come from the Scriptures and from the book "The Christ-Centered Easter" by Janet and Joe Hales. I highly recommend this book for anyone wanted to add to their Easter celebrations.


photo14.jpg

It can be difficult to contemplate the atonement yet there is so much more  joy as well. I hope each of you see it and more importantly, feel it.

Julie

Ryan - The Last Few Months

I couldn't find my camera cable so I haven't been able to post pictures. Finally found it so here are a few from the last few months.

The love of my life~

I may have posted these - I can't remember. Last Thanksgiving Ry & I went to my Uncle Dave's farm in Arkansas. Ry has his first tractor driving lessons and LOVED it! Ryan & his cousin Elizabeth.

Ryan & Elizabeth played for hours in this old mustang. The farm was heaven on earth for him. 



My Uncle works for Street Performance - a company that builds/rebuilds FANCY cars & parts. Ryan's head was on a swivel the entire time. 

Ryan (center back) with a somewhat rare real smile at a choir concert earlier this year. 

Ryan and his buddies at the annual Middle School Banquet

Fellow middle schooler boys performing to Miley Cyrus' Get Your Hands Up at the Banquet

Wednesday (Mar. 24) Ry had his first real Boy Scout Court of Honor. He earned his Tenderfoot & Second Class as well as his swimming and first aid merit badges. His Scoutmaster has made all of the boys this plaque that will eventually hold all of their ranks. When they make Eagle, it will look like a shield. 

Valentine's Day love

Ryan's love. His room is filled with Car magazines and I found a dozen pictures in my camera of cars. Wonder where those came from...

I walked into the bathroom one day to see this message written in toothpaste on the mirror. If you can't see it, it says "I love you Mom - Ryan" with a smiley face.

I love you too! 

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Spring Break Draws to a Close~

Although looking outside you would never think tomorrow will be the first day of Spring! Yesterday was a gorgeous 68 degrees. Today ice covered windows, a few inches of snow and freezing wind. I made hot chocolate this morning. Brrr!

My What-in-the-world-did-I-do-this-week? List
Rearranged the living room furniture
Deep cleaned the living room
Shopped at Goodwill
Attended the temple
Ordered new Social Security Cards
Read Twilight
Read Midnight Sun
Watched Weathering Heights
Tore out the sod and created new garden beds
Stayed up late
Slept in
Worked out at the gym (don't get too excited - see previous)
Had a 3 hr. planning meeting for an activity this fall
Laughed and laughed at Brahm's Night (girls' night at the ice cream shoppe)
Cleaned house
Dishes & Laundry (there were so many to catch up on these get their own line)
Read the Ensign
Caught up on phone calls & emails
Watched lots of movies
Whatever I wanted to

Best part is I pick up Ryan tomorrow. I love that kid. I can't wait to see him and squeeze him and talk to him.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

It's Own Kind of Special

I visit an LDS homeschooling discussion board and have for years. The other day someone asked for experiences and feelings about infertility (primary and secondary), miscarriage and loss of a child for a talk she was preparing.  Over the last few days as I considered what I had written, I decided that I wanted to record these thoughts here as well. Here they are with a few minor additions~


I understand a bit from the secondary infertility perspective. It took 5 months of trying for ds - just enough to start to worry that there was a problem. Then he came. I wasn't very consistent with birth control after he was born, but we really started trying when he was a year old. For the next 10 years, nothing. The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me. Dh at the time had a few issues, but nothing that should have warranted 10 years of infertility. Even artificial insemination didn't work. Now we are divorced so my window seems to be firmly shut.

A couple of things have helped-

I heard Shari Dew once say that "Eve was called the Mother of All Living 
before she ever gave birth." I realized that motherhood is a character trait, a virtue,  that I could develop not a destination. It helped me to understand that I did have some control over the situation and that some of the best mothers are not 'mothers'. The title does not a mother make.

A sister who waited for over 14 years to finally adopt their baby talked to me about her decision of refusing to become bitter. I decided that this was my custom built trial and I wanted to rise to the challenge instead of feel victim; to become "better not bitter." I decided I wanted to celebrate birth and life where ever I found it. I continue to go to baby showers and I have come up with my own traditional gifts for the mother and baby. I hold babies. I read books such as "The Hiding Place" where single sisters saved thousands of Jews, even babies, during the Holocaust. When it was hardest, I looked around my ward and saw a sister who had 3 bio. kids and 5 adopted from DHS. The 5 littles were all under 4 (2 sibling groups - basically she had developmental triplets and twins) and her husband was in the bishopric. We adopted one of her babies as our "Sunday Baby" and for over a year, we took care of him every Sunday, all three hours.

For me, it was better to be prepared. The only time I cried in front of others was when two friends showed up to church with new adopted babies when I didn't know they were hoping to adopt (two separate occasions.) Knowing someone was pregnant or hoping to adopt made it much easier for me to celebrate with them than the surprises. I had time to truly be happy for them. I also hated the feeling of people avoiding telling me. It gave infertility too much control.

I too learned to look for the Lord's tender mercies. Mother's Day 2007 was one such day. Growing up, I always wanted 8 kids. When I met my former husband, I knew that he was a three or four kind of guy and I settled into that expectation. Enter secondary infertility. After 5 or 6 years of infertility we became foster parents, providing a home and love to a handful of kids, hoping that if one of them needed a permanent home, we would be available. On that particular Mother's Day, I was thinking about the kids that had called me Mom over the years and suddenly realized that we had fostered 7 kids over the years. With our one biological son, I had had my 8 kids. And that particular Mother's Day Sunday, for the only time in my life, four bright shining faces sat on the pew with us at church that day. Everyone one of them called me mom. In a very different way, I have been a mother to 8 children - they will always be the children of my heart. I was so grateful to the Lord for those blessings and more importantly, I was so grateful to see the blessing in the moment.


I have 'adopted' many kids into my life. I joke that I am the only single parent with one kid that could really, really use a van. I borrow my friends' kids for outings, I go to games of my students, I taxi kids to activities all over the place, I take on fun projects with my nieces and nephews. It is not the same and I will never say that it is. But it is it's own kind of special and it is how I focus on joy and control what I can control. I don't want infertility to define who I am nor control my happiness. I have learned (and am still learning) to live in the moment and find joy in the everyday instead of succumbing to the temptation of "if only's" and "When's".

I believe that we are all called upon to pass through heartache trials. For some it is never marrying, others infertility, others death of a loved one, others extreme illness or disability. They are all completely different, but the intense pain and heartache of disappointed dreams is very similar, especially the heartache of righteous desires. This one is mine. My understanding of eternity has helped. This shall be a small moment... I have read the many scriptures of the atonement and how Christ suffered our sorrows so that he might know how to succor us. I thought about how much Christ loved children yet he never had the opportunity to be an earthly father. I have always felt that He understood my heartache. I've continue to learn to trust His vision and understanding. 



All of that said, it still hurts. One of the harder things in the divorce was knowing that even foster care and adoption were now not an option. The door is truly shut. I have cried. I still feel various symptoms and catch myself thinking "what if..." and I haven't been married for 2 years. They say that time heals all wounds. I don't really agree. It is what you are doing during that time that heals.

After my divorce, I got a small box that I call my "God Box". My deepest heartaches get written down and I put them in the box. It is my way of letting go and putting it all in his hands. There are a few slips of paper in there pouring out my desires to be a mother and putting it in His hands.

There have been blessings with the infertility. I am a much better mom than I ever would have been without it. I work much harder at making memories and appreciating every moment. At my darkest moment, my dh sent me flowers with a card that said, "Just Because". I still have that card and will keep it always. I am so grateful for him that day.  I have grown - I am learning to trust my Heavenly Father. I've learned of the atonement in ways that I may not have. I have learned to love on a deeper level. I know that the Lord knows me. He knows my heart, my desires, my sacrifices. Do the blessings balance the heartache? - for me, no, not right now. I still physically ache for the spirits that are missing. It's like I already know them in a way and miss them fiercely.
BUT - I know and completely trust that the blessings will balance the heartache in the end. In the eternal perspective, what I will have gained will be worth the small moment of now.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Top o' the Morn'n

May the road
Rise to meet you,
May the Wind
Be always at your back,
May the sun shine
Warm upon your Face,
The rains fall soft
Upon your fields and
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in 
The palm of his hand. 

Photo - National Geographic

And there is a reason I have the gift of gab - I have kissed the Blarney Stone!

I love St. Patrick's Day - He was an incredible missionary. I wrote about him (and some of my travels in Ireland) last year. 


Sunday, March 14, 2010

π - 3.14

Happy pi day everyone!

In the deep dark attic of my memory, I remembered that pi = 3.14... and that was about it. I went to the fountain of all knowledge and google has educated me which education I now pass on to you. That's me. I am all about the sharing of information. Did you know that the earliest known use of pi is 1900BC! They used pi to design and build the pyramids in Egypt. My main man Archimedes was the first to really study it out and write it down for the rest of us. Pi has to do with circles and diameters and ratios and radius' and area. I could get more detailed but new knowledge doesn't always translate to explicable knowledge and I wouldn't want your eyes to glaze over.

To celebrate pi day, we had Shepherd's pie and Apple pie. Actually we had it last night with the Sister Missionaries as Ryan is leaving for the week today and I didn't want tons of leftovers. I haven't made either in a long time. Ryan claimed he didn't like Shepherd's pie and didn't remember me ever making. After grudgingly trying a few bites, his memory returned and he ate a second bowl.

I was impressed with my scatterbrained self. I couldn't find the recipes for either dish and made them both from memory. And they were good! Everyone had seconds. Or maybe they were just hungry.

Next year I want to add a fun movie to our mathematical celebration. My list (and I haven't checked these for appropriate content yet) - IQ, and episode of Numbers, Bill Nye The Science Guy, and Good Will Hunting (this one I know would need to be a clean flicks version - if such a thing exists.) Maybe I can come up with some fun circle crafts or build some pyramids...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Spring

I am so thankful for vibrant sunshine, intense blue skies, a few wisps of clouds and a soft warm breeze. We had the front door wide open yesterday afternoon. I love the Spring weather. 


Monday, March 1, 2010

Divorce 101 - Part 2

Today is the 2 year anniversary of Tim telling me he wanted a divorce. In some ways it feels like yesterday - I remember so many details of that morning all seared into my memory. In other ways if feels like it happened so long ago. I hardly recognize the person I was. It is almost like childhood memories. Things you remember but seem a lifetime ago.

Within 6 months of the divorce I posted a list of things that were helping me survive (a link to the list is on the sidebar.) I have added to that list this year and thought I would share. Most of these are services that I have needed or deeply appreciated. Without further ado, I share Divorce 101 part 2:

Offer to take a single parent's picture often. And then send the copies to them. I can and do take pictures of myself but I am limited to head shots and it usually takes 5 -10 tries to get one that will work (well that is usually when I give up.) It has been a strange feeling of not being able to record myself full bodied. Kind of re-enforces the idea that my life is missing something. And there are many times that I just let it go because it isn't worth the hassle. I want to remember the memory, not the struggle to get a usable picture.

Massage. I really miss touch. I miss holding hands, kisses, and hugs. I miss shoulder and foot massages. I miss touching someone else and enjoying that moment. I have been more stressed and exhausted than ever before and much of the tension resides in my neck and shoulders. Sometimes I want to move closer to my sisters just to have someone who I can ask for a massage any ol' time. Offer your divorcing family member a neck and shoulders massage. Often.

Be a sounding board. I've been very blessed with some wonderful friends and family who have let me talk through decisions with them. It isn't so much that I need their advice, but two things rather. One, I can sort things out in my head a bit better when I have to put them into words and two, I don't want to loose that communication skill. When married, you have to always consider another person's point of view and opinion. You have to listen and hear them, mull it over and arrive at a decision together. I don't want to loose that and I really appreciate those who have not only listened to my thoughts but who have stated their opinion, especially when it differed from mine.

Full length mirror. I just got one. Ryan's opinion on how I look was always "Fine. Good. Let's go." So reassuring.

A George Foreman grill. Tim did what grilling we ever had and I guess he ended up with the grill. I know I don't have it. I was at Alisa's house 6 months ago and watched her throw 3 frozen chicken breast on her GF and literally minutes later we sat down to eat juicy, tender grilled chicken. Never have I been so hooked. I purchased my GF the next month. I love it so much it sits on my counter all the time and most of you know how much I hate counter clutter. It makes everything takes better. Frozen burritos toasted in the GF taste like you slaved over them. (ask me how I know). It is a slight pain to clean but it is non-stick so not that bad and it absolutely makes up for it in taste and time.

I love gardening. It has become a passion over the last 10 yrs. Nurturing something and creating beauty... it just really touches something deep within me. I still drive by my old house to gaze at the flower beds and peek through the gate at the veggie beds in the back yard. The hydrangeas are getting so big now.  As a single working mother, I haven't had anytime or money to put in new flower beds. I have plans to change that this spring if the weather cooperates. And the finances. Anyway, over the last two years I have ached for flowers.  Soon after the divorce was final I came home to some flowers planted by the front door. I cried. It felt like something beautiful was growing out of the ashes of my life. I did plant some parsley that first year. I neglected it terribly. When I finally had time in the spring (9 months later) to rake up the fall leaves, I uncovered that wisp of parsley still holding on. Strange that something so small would fill my heart with such hope.

Anyway, I always preferred a plant to cut flowers more from a practicality stand point. Plants live while cut flowers die. I have come to appreciate any flower, cut or plant. Last May Day I came home to a little paper May basket filled with tiny mums on my door knob. Another time my sisters sent me the most beautiful and fragrant lilies. Those flowers have meant so much. I spent moments every day looking at them, smelling them, touching them. And even though they are temporary, they remind me that this time in my life is temporary. It is a moment. It will pass.

Study the gospel, especially the atonement. The gospel will save your life. Divorce has a way of shaking your testimony to its core. Everything I thought I knew for certain had become questionable. Two things have helped me. First, I found a gospel study partner. As we have tackled subjects and lessons and discussed points, my testimony has strengthened. Having a partner has kept me accountable and given me something to look forward too. Second, the Old Testament stories. I have come to love that book of scripture so much. So much strength and wisdom. So many modern day applications. Here are a few of the ones that have helped me:

Daniel in the Lion's Den - I read this story every visitation for the first year. I can relate so much to King Darius' anguish, the guilt he felt, the prayers he uttered and the relief he felt to find Daniel alive and well.

Joseph story - first the fact that bad things happen to good people. We do suffer for the choices of others, many times even from our own family. Yet, the Lord can and will turn those things to our good if we allow him and have faith in him. I also found so much strength in Joseph's story when he sees his brothers again. His grief- years later & blessed with a beautiful life, Joseph wept so many times seeing his brothers. His forgiveness, his leading them to repentance, continues to touch my heart.

My friend Meghan posted this on her blog last month and it touched me so much I looked up the story, discussing Lot's wife-

"So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently, she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind.
To yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now, to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future, and to miss the here and now and tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there and then and yesterday are some of the sins of Lot’s wife." (emphasis added)



I have always been taught that 'wickedness never was happiness' but I sure struggled for a while when it sure looked happy, especially when I was barely keeping it together. Then I found this and it has made such a difference- Malachi 3: 13-19

13 ¶ Your words have been astout against me, saith the Lord. Yet ye say, What have we spoken so much against thee?
  14 Ye have said, It is avain to serve God: and what bprofit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the Lord of hosts?
  15 And now we call the aproud happy; yea, they that work bwickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.
  16 ¶ Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a abook of bremembrance was written before him for them that feared theLord, and that thought upon his name.
  17 And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my bjewels; and I will cspare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him. (emphasis mine)

There are more- Abraham, Job, Noah, Isaac & Rebekah, Moses' mother. I feel a kinship and a respect for these great people that only develops in adversity. I am not comparing my trials with theirs, more that their examples have given me so much strength and understanding of my own. 

Finally, this scripture has been permanently engraved upon my heart -   
"My {daughter Julie}, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high..."