One is Silver, The Other Gold

It has been a wee bit of time since I posted.

Nativity came and went. I love the Nativity - absolutely love it. I love working with so many amazingly talented people, watching it grow bigger than I could ever have imagined and feeling like I help make Christmas really special for many people. To be honest, after such a high, coming home to an empty house was really rough this year. I couldn't figure out how to bring Christmas home for myself (Ry was with his dad this year). I was incredibly lonely and slipped into a bit of a depression as I saw years stretching ahead of me with the same lonely holidays. People did invite me over and for the most part I went. I really appreciate their offers and my family's phone calls. It helped. Except for the few times it didn't.Sometimes I felt my like the kiddo looking through the window. Sometimes it was hard to see my dreams in living color, there but not mine.

I fell into a time that I am still working my way through a bit. Trying to find purpose. I am good at church or at work. I have things to do, people to help. I'm good when Ryan is home. I struggle when I am home alone. If you have ever lived alone for a long period of time, you may understand what deafening silence is. Cooking for one is miserable. Whatever you cook, you better like - you will be having it for leftovers for the next few days. Cleaning the house, even getting dressed loose some of their appeal when it is just for yourself.

I've learned that acts of service is one of my love languages and I haven't even read the book. I've come to gain an appreciation for the blessing of the purpose a family and service for your loved ones gives to your life. They give our lives meaning. With that realization, I decided to move closer to family. It is time - time for me and time for Ryan. We will be leaving next month for mountains and rivers of Vancouver, WA. We will be sharing an apartment or duplex with my single sister Tracy. We will be centrally located between all of my extended family and within driving distance of all of my family (and Tim's extended family as well.)

Some answers to FAQ -
1. Do I have a job? No, not yet. I have a bit of money tucked by and am in the process of getting OR & WA teaching licenses. It takes a long while. I may end up subbing for a while which isn't necessarily a bad thing - you can then check out schools while getting to know the principal in person. I am also checking out private schools, Boys & Girls Clubs and YMCAs for possibilities.

2. How are you getting there? We are selling pretty much selling everything we own and taking what we can fit in or on top of a CR-V type vehicle. Ryan will be flying so we will also have his checked suitcases and I am mailing 3 boxes of books. I plan on driving, visiting family along the way (and listening to many books on tape)

3. How does Ryan feel about the move? He is supportive and excited although like any teen, he is sad to leave his friends and his dad. He will be starting High School and agrees that this is the best time to make a move and he is excited about being near cousins. He will be flying back to Oklahoma 3-4 times a year to see his dad. Obviously not ideal, but what divorce is?

4. How do I feel about the move? Ready. I need the change. I need to be needed. I need family nearby. I have been so relieved to find homes for my stuff. It have been awakening to learn things about myself as I made choices about what to take and what to leave. I feel my burdens lightening.

I am excited and hopeful. I am grateful for change and the new adventures that await. I can never say what the friends in Oklahoma mean to me. I will always see you sweet, wonderful, good people as angels who walked beside me, held me up, cried and laughed with me. You helped me find my smile. You believed in me. You were the open arms, the late night talks, the priesthood blessings, the advice and counsel. I can never tell you what it has meant to me. Please know that I do not leave you but instead really and truly will be taking each of you with me.

To my family who has been a constant encouragement, I am very excited to see you and to be able to stay. Thank you for your patience - I know many of you have wanted this for years. I know how hard it is to help someone from afar and believe me, you have all done such a wonderful job. I look forward to many a late night talks, nail parties, girl's nights, temple dates, workouts, hikes, river rafting trips, camping trips, beach walks and laughs. You seriously are the best family a girl could have.

Wagons Ho!