Tim asked me, "If we got divorced, would you take Ryan & move to Washington to be with your family?" His words seemed like a foreign language, but his tone of voice immediately got my attention. This wasn't a "what if" tone. It was a making plans tone.
I didn't even know what to say. Finally, I stammered out, "what are you talking about? We are married. I am not going anywhere." My brain wouldn't compute for a few weeks that he was.
I have been dreading the anniversaries that have been awaiting me. February 22, 2008 was our last date night together to the Ward Valentines Day party. I had thought we had such a good time. I am so grateful to good friends and a loving Father in Heaven that allowed that day to pass virtually unnoticed by me.
As I sat in Stake Conference today, I let the past year wash over me. As I replayed the year in my mind, I was overwhelmed by the Lord's blessings. I feel so much stronger than I was a year ago - I almost don't recognize the woman I was then and I know where that strength has come from. It wasn't me.
I recently saw a picture of Christ praying in Gethsemane and the speaker questioned how would we act if we could hear Christ praying for us. In a strange way, I feel like I have felt him praying for me this past year. It has made me stronger, try harder, softened my heart, and brought me closer to the Spirit. Today, one of the speakers talked about trials and how at the end of them, looking back, we gain a certain gratitude for them. I still wish that I wasn't divorced. I wish that Ryan could have had the amazing blessing of growing up with both of his parents, parents that loved each other. But since this did happen, I am so very, very grateful for the blessings & lessons & strength from the Lord.
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9 comments:
Those talks yesterday were so good. I found something for me in every one of them. I'm sorry that this time of year is hard for you now, but you still amaze me with your strength.
I will keep you in my prayers.
I sure am glad to know and learn from you. You are amazing woman!
You are something else...I have felt your strength and learned from you this last year. You have such a gift/talent to be able to recognize and express gratitude. Thanks for sharing that with me.
My heart aches when I read of your struggles. I remember how it was to make decisions I did not want to have to make.
I think it was Barbara Smith who said "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"
I remember how it was having to make decisions I did not want to make. My heart aches when I read your words.
I think Barbara Smith said, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"
February 26th was the day that Ron and I were sealed. i think about it every year. Life has gone on. I am glad taht I am not married to him; however, I still find myself wishing that life had been a bit different, that I had made different choices.
I am so very happy with the man who is in my life now. I do regret that the girls did not grow up in a two parent home and that I did not have that love and support while they were growing up.
I have learned many MANY valuable lessons,though. And the girls and I have shared wonderful times. So, while I let go of that wish again, every year, I gladly grasp onto the many blessings of my reality.
Love you!
Julie,
I am so proud of you! You have been a true example for me over the last year as you have gracefuly delt with trials and disapointments that I can only imagine. I love you and I hope this year is YOUR YEAR!
You are an amazing woman! I love reading your blog. I know it's been a rough year but I agree with Tracy, I am SO proud of you! You are truly the motto from the movie "Meet the Robinsons" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm5AEG47Vi4 Keep Moving Forward!
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