Step by Step

Day 20

Stumbles -
Temptations - For a while I've wondered about personal temptations. It has felt like Satan wasn't really worried about me (which worried me) and I was just coasting along. The phrase "If you aren't moving forward you are moving backward" concerned me. As I have started making goals and moving toward those goals, I have begun to see and feel temptations. So while I have felt and fallen to temptations over these past days, I've also begun to learn what temptations look like and feel like for me. I've appreciated this new perspective. And I thought it was interesting that temptations come as we move forward... hmmm. I think that needs more pondering.

Exercise - is soooo boring. My mind goes a million miles an hour thinking of everything I need to be doing. It was sooo hard to stay exercising and so easy to justify moving on to other needs. My mind felt very scattered.

Steps forward -
Tracking - while I had some very high point days, I have tracked almost every day. It has been more about accountability than anything. This journey is a spiritual journey as well as a physical one and this accountability is a big one. I've also thought about being honest in every detail. If you can be honest with yourself, you can be honest with others.

Planning- I've been diligent in going to the store and making sure I have food on hand. There is a large learning curve to healthy eating. I have a long way to go but I have see the importance of keeping the kitchen stocked and being prepared. I think there is a spiritual lesson here...

Exercise - the first few days of exercise were miserable. Then I took a day where I didn't turn on a podcast or music and let my mind wander. Instead, I just prayed. Literally. I poured out my heart out about my life and when I looked at the clock a minute later, I saw that 16 mins. had passed! I continued praying, really talking and after, I turned on a new playlist that had some songs from Heartland (favorite show). The songs felt like they were being sung to me by the Savior. I LOVE these songs now. Some of the are romantic songs but I feel like they are between myself and the Savior. In the days that have followed, I have looked forward to working out. To that time with Him. I can not over state this blessing. It was unexpected. I am so grateful for these moments.

Food - I am re-discovering fruits and veggies. I have loved savoring the blessings of fresh foods and the simplicity of the basics. I am only buying from the store so I know it is a pale imitation of garden fresh. I am looking forward to farmer's markets and garden fresh from my own garden.

Onward -
I am working on fine tuning the learning curve, meal by meal. I also want to find more recipes, healthy yet scrumptious as well. Healthy gourmet is my goal. I am also working on sleep. If I don't get enough sleep, it is really hard to exercise and even harder to avoid chocolate.

I have lost 6.8 lbs. My jeans fit better. I don't feel quite like a sausage. Onward and upward.
Jewels

The Deafening Sound of Silence

Day One-
I stayed up late and slept in. My head kept justifying that it was my last day to sleep in because from now on I will be getting up at 5:00 to exercise. Yeah. Let’s be real. It is not my last sleep in day. But it hasn’t fazed me. I’m changing. I’m moving. Im not making excuses.

I sat my sister down last night and told her my plan, more for accountability than for her approval. I’d like to do this with her and others, but I’m fine if I am doing it alone. Because He is with me.

I spent the mornings by signing up for weight watchers and *shocker* actually read all of the online features. I get 33 points per day with 44 plus points for the week. I made eggs with ham, onion and babybel cheese (4 puts) and tracked it. I changed into work out clothes, had my daughter take the below before pictures and I jumped on the treadmill. There was all of the requisite changing cords, moving the fan, figure out the new treadmill garbage that is now out of the way. I set up some Mike Rowe podcasts and started walking. I walked 1.65 miles in 35 mins. I was slightly warm and glad for the fans that I had set up. I started at 2.7 miles per hour and moved up to 3.2. I was bored after 10 mins and felt my mind wandering to the million of things I need or want to do even though I love Mike Rowe. I found myself watching the clock and counting the seconds. When the last podcast ended, I kept walking and silence was deafening. How did I get to the point where I couldn’t be still with my own thoughts, with just me? I started praying and talking to Heavenly Father. Slowly my mind quieted and I stopped watching the clock. It was a moment, but I caught a glimpse of the opportunity to learn on this journey. The couples who I adore on the amazing Race are the ones who enjoy the race, the people, the cultures, and who take time to see the blessings around them. I felt the same for a millisecond. I’m looking forward to the silence of my own thoughts, the beat of my own heart.