Bad News - Good News

Bad News- bitter cold with negative windchill
Good News- No School!!
Good News - I have heat!!
Good News - Stew in the Crock-pot
Good News - Slept in and cleaned house. Lovely....
Good News - Lots of computer and reading time (maybe even a movie!)


I think that the good news outweighs the bad. Stay warm!

Best Part of My Day?

I have a student who attended 3rd grade last year in another school. He is quiet and fairly somber. I have discovered a few passions of his but he definitely flies under the radar. I make it my mission to tease a smile out of him every other day or so. Anyway, I try to spend a few minutes talking one on one with each student when we do their monthly reading testing. Today, he and I were talking. For years, I have always asked Ryan what was his best and worse parts of the day when I tuck him in at night. So, on a whim, I asked this little kiddo what was the best part of 3rd grade. Without missing a beat and in all sincerity he said, "You."

I didn't even know what to say I was so surprised. Tears came to my eyes. I have spent the last few days groaning when the alarm goes off at 5:45 and frustrated at all the irritations of a working mother. I have struggled to find my rhythm again and even more with my enthusiasm. I was humbled. And grateful that the Lord saw enough in me to entrust these kiddos to me for 7+ hours a day. And humbled some more.

I wish that you could all get to know these kids as I do. They really are amazing. They make me laugh everyday. I love how excited they get for learning. Today, 5 boys were in the Research Center making Snap Circuit inventions. They kept interrupting me at my table to show me their latest invention. It was so fun to see their excitement.

So what was the best part of my day today? Being a 3rd grade teacher.

The Terms of Surrender

(I am sorry to those of you who thought you were going crazy having seen this post yesterday and had it disappear. I wrote the post yesterday when I had time to actually write and accidently posted it. Sorry! Now it is here to stay. )

So I joined Weight Watchers today. Sara and Tracy also joined today in Washington and Cindi, a lifetime member, will be joining us next month after her baby is born. I am very excited to do this with my sisters. We will be talking to each other, sharing recipes, challenging each other. I have spent the last few days stocking up on my new ingredient list - yogurt, broccoli, apples, bread, fudge cicles, popcorn, hard candy. I already have my gym bag packed and in the car. I turned the back of my door into my "Return and Report" center with my Biggest Loser calendar, goal pictures and motivational thoughts.

I have been struggling about posting this and I wondered why. I've posted so much about the divorce and it has never bothered me to share those personal details. Why would I squirm to share that I have joined Weight Watchers? As I have thought about it, in a way WW feels bigger than the divorce. The divorce was someone else's actions affecting me. Like a soldier bleeding to death I was very grateful to accept help from all the medics in my life. And while I had to answer a few questions of "what in the world were you doing there in the first place?", overall I knew I was were I was supposed to be and I haven't minded sharing my war story.

This is different. I did this to myself. Every pound (in my case) is evidence of "eat, drink, and be merry" and even more importantly, procrastination. Tomorrow, next week, someday. I have been in wrong place. I could have avoided this. I did this to myself and it has been a bit squirmy to admit that I need a medic because of my own stupidity.

Here are some of my random, jumbled thoughts on this:

I want living memories. I want to play basket ball with Ryan on a gorgeous spring day not just shoot hoops. I want to feel that freeing feeling as I really run and feel that really deep, filling breathing at the end. I want to run a 5K and have a picture at the finish line. I want to have sit-up and push-up competitions with Ryan. I want to win at arm wrestling. I want to hike tall mountains. I want to bike around Lake Hefner. I want the freedom of health. When I die, I don't want it to be a video of still pictures, but action pictures of me living life.

I know that my body is a gift from my Heavenly Father. Not only a gift to me but also for me. There are spiritual lessons that my spirit needs to learn from this body. Self-discipline, work, choice, sacrifice, endurance, prayer, humility, and love. I am intimately aware of my natural woman weaknesses. I can not do this on my own. I have tried. I have failed. I came to a spot a few months ago where I poured my heart out to Heavenly Father pleading for divine help. A few days later my sister called sharing her very similar experience and decision to join WW.  I knew that it was my answer.  I feel that this surrender is personal; an acknowledgment of my dependence on the Lord, my need for His help. WW is just the terms of my surrender.

So now begins the Reconstruction period. Please know this is not a New Year's Resolution. I don't believe in them per se. The timing just worked out that way.

I ran across this talk from BYU Education Week that I loved. Body and Soul. It is an hour long, but very much worth the time. I will be watching it a few times and taking notes next time. Enjoy!

School Resumes Tomorrow

And there was much rejoicing.
yeah.

not.

Words

I spent the last few days going through the last (I think) divorce hurdle. I dug out the 8 boxes of keepsakes, pictures, scrapbook stuff, etc. and went through them. I have been putting it off for a long while. What would it feel like to walk through those memories and dreams again? I kept putting it off. Finally, I just wanted it over. And it was a revelation. It didn't bother me at all. I read all the old love notes and emails from the dating and newlywed years. I had kept all the birthday and mother's day cards. I went through them all. And you know what? They were just words on paper. It isn't the words that make them keepsakes. It is the feelings. It is the love. When those feelings are gone, they are just words and they don't have power to hurt. I kept a handful for Ryan - I want him to know there was a time when his parents really cared about each other. And me? I put the lid on the trash can and look forward to filling the space in the photo boxes.

2010

It's fresh and clean. Full of optimism and goals, dreams and this year I will's. Already my year is filling up with good things.

Last summer I won a 2 night cruise to the Bahamas and a 5 night vacation to Florida. I thought for sure it was a scam. Things like this don't happen to me. But it appears to be legit and we will be visiting the Sunshine state in late May. I have mixed feelings about this trip. I have been to Florida and no offense to anyone who lives there, but there were definite times that I felt Satan has his summer home there. Partying has never been my thing. And I am taking a 12 yr. old boy to the state that doesn't believe in clothes. What am I thinking? But I like the adventure of a new place and new experience. I love the idea of getting a stamp in my passport. I love the idea of a wave runner in the ocean, falling asleep on the beach basking in the warm sun, snorkeling in the Bahamas, touring the everglades and swimming with the dolphins. I basically see trips like these as my compensation package for being single and I love going because I can.

In June, we will attend the Hachtel family reunion at my Uncle's beautiful farm in Arkansas. More than any other place I have ever been to, it felt like home when we went last Thanksgiving. I am very excited to breath country air, chase baby goats and take long walks with the horses. I plan on spending some hours hiking in the mountains as well.

In July, Ryan and I are returning to Nauvoo Pageant, this time with my Dad, Step-Mom and Step-Sister. Just today I was able to find lodgings that will be perfect for us and get a reservation. Small miracle. We will be performing July 6 - 10 and would love to have all of you join us there. It is an amazing experience. Everyone should experience Nauvoo at least once in their lives.

I made a list of books I want to read this year. I present the following:

Alas Babylon

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Mama's Bank Account

Sarah's Quilt

The Hobbit

Amos Fortune

The Screwtape Letters

Little Women

Jack: A Life of CS Lewis

Under the Greenwood Tree

The Book Thief

12 Again

Last year I posted that I had chosen the word "Diligence" to be my word for 2009. It felt like it was the right word for me. I love the word. But soon after it became apparent that the Lord had a different word to be my word.  It came up over and over again. It came up repeatedly in conversations, I read it, pondered it and it became my word for 2009 - Balance. Balance is a hard word for someone as passionately extreme as me. I don't like to do things in half measures. I throw my whole heart and soul into them. I struggled with balancing being a mother and a working teacher. I struggled with being single while believing in marriage with my whole heart. I struggled with the world using up all of my time that I wanted to use for spiritual matters. And balance kept coming back. And just last week, in an unrelated conversation, it all came together for me why. Balance was my word for 2009.

I haven't completely figured out my word for 2010 but it has been a pleasure to consider the options. Kind of like picking out the best See's Truffle. You know you will love them all, but which is the best for this moment...

Lastly, I spent the last moments of 2009 with my friend Alisa's family. The wii was set up with Beattle Rock Band and for the first time in years, I could sing. I wasn't embarrassed or self-conscious. I felt light enough to sing and it felt good. Alisa's mom is such a wonderful friend and cheerleader. She is the kind of person that makes you smile just thinking about her. She asked me how this New Year's Eve was different than last. Last year was filled with sorrow and grief. This year is filled with hope and contentment. So how am I doing? I am doing exceptionally well.

The Day Dawn is Breaking

For 31 days we have stood in Bethlehem gazing both backward and forward at the Savior's life. We have witnessed His defense of our agency in the Pre-mortal councils. We have watched His humble birth,  heard His teachings and seen His miracles.  We witnessed His suffering, mourned His death and rejoiced in His resurrection. We have look forward to His return. We have felt His love. And yet, we have only glimpsed the spiritual feast that is contained in the scriptures. In the back of the LDS edition of the King James Holy Bible is a topical guide. If you look up "Jesus Christ" you will find 18 1/2 pages of references! What a spiritual feast awaits. 

I know God is real. I know He knows my name. And more importantly, I know that He knows the deepest regions of my heart. I know He loves me more than I have capacity to understand. I know that I am His daughter in every sense of the word. I know that He allowed Christ, His most beloved son and my older brother, to choose to be our Savior. I am so grateful for that choice. How do I put into words the deep feelings I have for Christ? Tears come to my eyes just typing that question. So many of my day to day choices are made so that when I am at His feet again, I will be able to look up into his eyes and step into his embrace. I love my Savior. I live for the day that I will see Him again. I don't think that I will have any words but I know that I will have many tears, glowing eyes, a shaky smile and a heart brimming over. 


Today is a new day and a new year. It is a year free of regret and full of hope. Decide now that this year will bring you closer to the Savior. Decide today to find Him in the scriptures. Let Him walk with you throughout your day. Choose to open and enjoy the most precious Christmas gift you have been given, the gift of our Savior, Jesus Christ. 


Today's song is The Day Dawn is Breaking - note this song is intended to be sung joyfully. You have to have a smile on your face and joy in your heart as you sing along. 


Thank you for letting me share these devotionals with you. I love you all. Julie