Alisa's last selfie
December 17, 2019, I received the following text:
“Friends. I have some devastating news. Our sweet friend Alisa was in a car accident and passed away...”
Numb with shock, I raced to make arrangements to go to her funeral, but a delayed flight cause a missed connection. With holiday traffic, there was nothing they could do. I sobbed in the airport bathroom for an hour. Then I sat in the terminal for two more hours, just watching the people and feeling, sitting with the emotions and memories. Slowly, I made my way to the train and then the ferry and then to my sister’s home and family. Amazing friends and Alisa’s loved ones included me in everything in so many ways and I will be forever grateful. I have stayed busy these months and spent a lot of time walking through my memories of this sweet friend of mine. I have been surprised at how much she has shaped my life. I didn’t realize until I started writing down my Alisa lessons. I have 8-10 Alisa posts to share. This is the first. I need to write these down for me, but I also feel that like ripples in a pond, Alisa’s life will continue to touch others and bring good. She has a talent for bringing people together, for encouraging them, for sharing with them.
These are my memories of Alisa as a friend and observer. Like much of life, I am sure this is only one glimpse through the window and others will have more to add to the story. So, without further ado, post number 1, my first impression of Alisa...
Intentional.
I first saw Alisa sitting on the back row of children’s chairs in primary, the youth group ages 3-11 at our church. I was one of the women in charge of the children’s classes and I had just been told by a friend that a new family was moving in and the mother was here to check out the classes. Her kiddos were not here, just her. I peeked in and saw her there and decided to take a deep breath and continue like I always did. I figured that if she was the kind of mom to vet the children’s primary before her kiddos moved in, she would let me know if I was doing something wrong. She never said anything although I am sure we had a lot of room for improvement. 😉
I’ve never forgotten that first impression of her. It told me so much about her that would be confirmed repeatedly over the following years. Her intentionality made me pause and consider my parenting. I found myself watching her and listening to her parent her children at countless park dates and playdates. She always put them before us. If one of them came up mid-conversation, we adults were the ones who were cut off mid-sentence and left waiting while she attended to their questions.
My mom died two years before I met Alisa and as a young mother, I gleaned so much from her. Often, she was guarded about sharing her opinions about childbirth, breastfeeding, and nurturing children but as I got to know her, she would share more and more. The running thread through it all was her intentionality. She researched and pondered and prayed and paused in her decisions. Once made, she was “steadfast and immoveable” - her words.
Over the years, I watched her intentionally make time for family breakfasts around the table. Most families make time for family diner and breakfast is whatever you can find on the go. Not Alisa. Breakfast was an essential family time. In our faith, our youth attend early morning seminary class before school for the four years of high school. She asked me how I was going to handle breakfast time with Ryan when seminary started about 15 months before the class started. Ummmm.... She was preparing. I remember saying something about maybe it was time for a new season in her family and breakfast would look different now. She kept thinking about it and when seminary started, she had a plan for smoothies that would take less time so they would still have time as a family.
Alisa read to her kids, even as teens. All the time. She read aloud so many books to them. Summer reading became a tradition. I can still hear my dad reading Little Britches and so many books to me growing up. I’m grateful that her kids will be able to hear her voice in so many books for the rest of their lives. My daughter is in 6th grade and I continue to read to her and I think of Alisa every time.
Alisa taught me how to talk to my kids about growing up. She embraced a topic most parents cower away from. She had thought out how to talk to Savanna and we discussed ideas for Ryan. She taught me to be intentional, embrace this opportunity, and make it positive. I typed up our ideas and have shared them with many over the years.
Lastly, and most importantly, she taught me to parent intentionally in my prayers. “Pray for what they need, not what you want for them.” She taught me to be open to their journey, to trust that the Lord knows my loved ones better than I do and the trust Him. She taught me to listen to him for their needs and not for my own answers.
Alisa changed how I parent. I think of her every time I read aloud to my kids. I share our Growing Up boxes with others. My daughter recently expressed frustration that I am on my phone too much and I could see Alisa making me wait while she listened intently to one of her littles. I will do better. I pray for my kids so differently now. Intentional may not seem like a compliment but it truly is and I am so grateful.
"Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy Lord
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love."
Hymn #293
