I don't think anyone reads this blog anymore so it feels like a safe place to be transparent and real. I am going to use this blog as my personal weight loss journal - a public space yet obscure enough to be private. And to be honest, I need the accountability more than I need to impress anyone.
So, Sunday, Dec. 31, 2017 finds me at 277 lbs., more than 100 lbs over my ideal weight. 100 lbs obese is hard. The day starts out with aches, pains, and I often feel exhausted when I wake up. Getting dressed is a joy as something is always way too tight. Tying my shoes, fitting behind the wheel and trying to pick things up, chase after kids or even find a comfortable sitting spot are daily challenges. I've been breathless walking up stairs for over 4 years. Chocolate and sugar have become a food group for me and often I will wake up thinking about chocolate for breakfast. Entire days have gone by where most if not all my food for the day came from chocolate. Exercise has become non-existent. I've spent years rationalizing that I don't have time with my commute, job, family and church responsibilities, but the hard truth is I haven't made time. You make time for the things that are important to you and my health hasn't been important. Like most things, there is a complicated web of emotions, thoughts, and past that have brought me here and I plan to share much of it as I process thru and work toward a healthy life.
Why now? I don't know. I really don't. I know that it has been coming for a long time. I've had false starts before and I have no evidence except a gut feeling that this time will be any different. I guess the only real difference is that this time I am not doing it alone. I've been given a promise that HE can make weak things become strong. I am putting that promise to the test. I am leaning on him to be my partner, to guide my personal choices, to walk next to me, to show me the way and eventually run with me. To be perfectly honest, it feels like Everest - overwhelming, daunting, full of struggle, pain and even danger. But He has asked others to conquer Everest before - Moses leading the Israelites, Sarah giving birth in her old age, Joseph in Egypt, Nephi building a ship, Moroni guarding the plates and walking alone, Joseph translating them. I am in good company.
I have been prayerful. I have a plan that I feel He has revealed -
1. Prayer is my most important step. Multiple times a day. Over every little thing. Every bite. Every step. Every temptation. Every hope and dream and tear and smile.
2. Scriptures - I am searching for every scripture I can about movement & my body. Every story of triumph over overwhelming odds. I need to hear His voice to me.
3. Living a healthy life is one of my value projects for my personal progress.
4. I can only see to when Ryan gets home in July. After that, I trust that he will show the way beyond. That is my "end of the tunnel" right now.
5. I printed off inspirational posters and a progress chart and posted them above the treadmill.
6. I have joined weight watchers for the next 3 months (I plan to do it for 6 months but Jan. is always a lean month so I only paid for 3 months so far). My sisters are familiar with WW and I need their support much the way Nephi needed his brothers. I can't do this without them.
7. I am studying the Word of Wisdom - specifically looking at the DO's. Vegetables. Fruits. Whole grains. In season.
8. I made a bucket list of things I want to do - many are physical. I want to live the life I dream about.
9. I am joined I Run For Wounded Veterans IR4 - an email pen-pal/chat room where I will be matched with a wounded vet. I dedicate my exercise to a vet who is physically disabled I will be posting 3 times a week minimum on my experiences. My body is an incredible gift, and I have so many blessings that I don't see. I want to really see them.
10. I am keeping this blog. A daily journal. Accountability. I have read soooooo many stories after the fact. I decided that I wanted to document my journey in progress. Be real. Maybe it will help someone else one day but honestly, I just pray that it helps me.
Welcome to my Amazing Race.
Julie
