A Slice of Rainbow

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T11:01:00.002-06:00

I am not even sure where to start with this year. So many things threw things out of whack. For the second year, I was a co-director of the church-hosted community Nativity Exhibit. It turned out well with 657 nativities and over 2000 attendees. It also meant that my house has been a storage unit for the last month and all of my Christmas decorations have been up at the church. Decorating an entire church for Christmas kindof killed my Christmas mojo at home so even when things came home, they sat in the crates in the living room for a week (or two.) Everything happened in slow stages - Ryan put up the tree and then it took me over a week to fluff it and put the lights up. I ran out of lights 3/4 of the way up and drove to 3 stores on Christmas Eve before I found more. Since Ryan was with Tim this Christmas, we are a day behind everyone. My sisters laughed when they called me on Christmas day and I told them I was just finishing decorating my tree! But it was all done before Ryan came home so no worries.

I really love decorating my tree although I miss Ryan terribly when I have to do it alone. Since Ryan was born, I started a tradition of a new ornament each year - something symbolic of the year, a milestone or something that reflects his spiritual growth. I've also purchased ornaments on vacations. Often I write on the back of the ornament the story behind it and it was really cool to wander down memory lane as I placed each one. So much love it on this tree. It will never win any decorating prizes, but I challenge anyone to find one with more love and meaning.

I bought myself the Lamb of God cds and even though they are the Easter story, I opened them and listened to them for the last week. They are amazing. So beautiful. And I loved, loved, loved listening to the Easter story as I decorated the tree. It felt like my testimony was being strengthened note upon note. The gospel felt fuller, more beautiful, deeper.

We had our Bethlehem dinner last night. It was nice. Quiet. Peaceful. It hasn't always been this way and last night I was glad that I persevered amidst the eye rolls to found this tradition. Last night made it all worth it.

Today is Christmas for us. We slept in until 8:30, opened gifts and had breakfast. I bought orange cinnamon rolls and sausage to go with the scrambled eggs. While appreciative, Ryan let me know that I could go back to my homemade cinnamon rolls next year. ;) By far the best gift were the stocking letters. I might cry just typing about them. So, so, so glad that I started this tradition.

I'm not sure what the rest of the day will hold. I bought all of the fixings for Christmas dinner, but right now, I don't feel the need to cook. It already feels like Christmas. My testimony feels renewed, my love ones close.

Love you all! Merry Christmas!

A Bit of Zion

2011-09-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

The last two summers Ry and I have spent in Nauvoo participating in the Nauvoo Pageant. It was the most incredible, cocooning blessing threaded with golden miracles. I feel a great kinship to prophets past who can not write one hundredth part. Part of that is that my words lack so much in trying to describe something so tender and sacred. Oh, I can tell you the details, the events, the laughter, the sights, the sweat, but some how I struggle to share the breadth of emotion, the many witnesses of the Spirit, the answered prayers, the healing, the peace, the love. Instead I sound like like a fanatic tied to a mythical era of the past. I wish somehow I could share how experiencing Nauvoo today is not about the past. It is so much about today. Gerald Lund named his book about the Nauvoo years "A Season of Joy" and it truly was that for us. It changed me in more ways than I can share. I do not think I overstate when I say it changed my eternity.

It was a bittersweet feeling to hear the whisperings of the Spirit tell me that our season in Nauvoo was drawing to a close for a while toward the end of our stay last year. I felt so incredibly grateful and blessed for the experience. Excited for what lay ahead and sad to say good bye. At the end of the pageant as the saints head west, Parley P. Pratt talks about them taking what Nauvoo had given them in their hearts. I could relate. Shortly after I came home, I had such a longing for home - for my mom, my family and my hometown. In an impulsive moment, I emailed my family telling them I missed them and that one day we should get together in our hometown. I think we all felt it because within weeks, cabins were reserved and the dates were set.

The way Ryan's summer schedule worked out, I ended up flying out the end of June and he joined me 3 weeks later. I loved how much we missed each other and how good it was to see him at the airport. After he arrived, we drove to Hood River, OR - one of the most beautiful places on earth and my hometown. Seeing my family together again was priceless. Being together in the town we grew up in... I can't describe it. I was so surprised at how little had changed.

Some highlights of the summer:

Hiking - 38 miles total (Hurricane Ridge, Little Mt. Si, Grand Forest Bainbridge Island twice, Tunnel Falls on Eagle creak trail, Lost Lake Trail

Smores

Food (all of it.So good)

Glowstick parents - my parents taped glow sticks to themselves and walked around the campground one night. They looked awesome! Just like walking stick people.

Grandpa and Grandsons campout - so fun to see all of them smashed in the tent together talking, playing games and reading.

Laundry room talks with my sisters

Riot Act - my brothers told my step sister and niece to ask me about "The Riot Act." They said I had read it a lot. Gullible they are because the girls sincerely asked me to "tell me the plot - maybe I've read it." Sorry, but that's a keeper for years girls!

Family pictures
County Fair - such a trip down memory lane
My home ward - I really expected so much to be different - I didn't expect to recognize many if any. Yet it wasn't that way. I did recognize so many and the joy of seeing these good, wonderful, sweet people who have had such an influence on my life - well my joy overflowed. I thought of the scripture in the Book of Mormon when they talk of the joy they felt when, after 14 years apart, they found they were still brothers in Christ.

Grandma - sweet grandma. I wish you could know how amazing she is. Her life could fill volumes. She has buried 3 husbands and two children. She has ranched and farmed and nursed. She has cared for the mentally ill, raised grandchildren, and championed the forgotten her entire life. And to this day, she is one of the most positive people I know. She ALWAYS is talking of her next project or thing she is going to learn. In her assisted living center, she takes care of all the residents. Everyone is her friend. She delights in the weekly discussion group they have that discusses politics, religion, and current events. And through it all, she is the binding influence in our family. It hit me hard this summer that time with her on earth is beginning to run shorter. I'm not ready for her to go. I spent time with her a couple of times during the trip, trying to imprint every nuance of her deep in my brain and heart. She is so strong. So positive. So encouraging. I don't know how any of us would have made it through my mom's death without her. I am proud to be her granddaughter.
Family Reunion - as I looked around, I realized that it was one of those rare moments when everyone in our family and extended family was doing really well. Everyone was employed, relationships were healthy, goals were being realized. It was such a sweet blessing and one that I don't take lightly.

I didn't take many pictures and part of it was a deliberate choice. I didn't want to experience the summer behind the lens. I found myself really seeing things, imprinting the memories to revisit for years to come. I know that I will most likely forget the details, the images and I probably will wish I had more pictures. But I don't think I the emotions of this summer will fade.

I love my family. I was told once that I was born of good stock and, looking around the tables, I so agreed. My family is hard working. They are dependable. They are loyal. They have integrity. They are quick witted, sassy, and enjoy life. Every one of them will feed you and share whatever they have to help someone else. I've seen them do it. Service is like second nature for all of them. I cherished this summer with them. I loved that I could see so much good in all of them. Growing up, sometimes I only saw the things that bugged me. I love that while we are all so different, we can love each other so well.

Many have made comments about us missing Nauvoo this summer and I have missed it lately, but I did not miss it at all this summer. Zion and Heaven are both full of love and family - I had both this summer.

All of the cousins with Aunt Tracy

3rd Annual Dog Pile on Ryan (no tears yet)

Sisters

My dad, brothers & sisters

Family: Missing a few, but most of us

Lexi, Ryan and Ella - These kiddos adore each other.

Too Funny

2011-09-21T22:54:00.000-05:00

Last night Ry was on the couch watching a show on the laptop. Suddenly he turns and asks me, "Mom, what is a communist?" I began to answer, "Well, when I was your age-" when he interrupts- "Nevermind. Tell me when you tuck me in bed." And when back to his show. Too funny.

Someone should really update this blog...

2011-08-18T01:58:00.000-05:00

but not at 2:00a.m.! Soon, I promise. Soon.

Staycation List

2011-07-06T16:48:00.002-05:00

My friend Alisa is tremendously creative. I love watching her and have gleaned so many ideas from her. One tradition they have in their family is an annual "Beach Week". Yet, many years they don't go to the beach! I've learned from her and a few others that a vacation is more about an attitude than an actual place. Over the last few days, I decided to write down some of my gleaned ideas and a few of my own. The result is the Staycation List:

First some Tips:

Presentation: the Red Envelope tradition. Alisa started a tradition that I have now copied where a Red Envelope appears at the breakfast table every day the month of December with a note of some kind of fun activity her family will do that day to celebrate the season. It is amazing how much fun things can be when they come from the Red Envelope. She and I have discussed how cool it would be to do the same thing over the summer only have a Summer Fun Yellow Envelope, or it could be plain one decorated. The idea is the presentation and the anticipation. The envelope = family fun. (Ryan loves the Red Envelope at Christmas)
Official start/stop date/time – Set aside the dates – a long weekend, a week vacation, etc. Get in the car and drive around the block (or walk around the block) at the beginning of your staycation. “Arrive” back at home when your staycation is over. Decide ahead of time what is not “going on” your trip (i.e. tv, work, friends, church activities, etc.) Turn off your phone. Eliminate or reduce computer time (email). Visit another ward (congregation) that Sunday.
Ask! Pray to find what you need to make your staycation wonderful and then borrow from friends and neighbors as prompted
Music! Music creates memories. Be deliberate and incorporate music in your staycation.
Mom and Dad participate! My greatest memories are when my parents worked and played along side of us kids. Vacations are about doing something out of the ordinary and everyone participating. It isn't playtime for the kids - it is vacation for the family.
Vacation clothes – pj’s all day, comfortable, barefoot, swim suits, mis-matched, etc. Make it work for your family and make it fun!

Without further ado, I present the list (feel free to comment with additional suggestions):

At Home
Make forts in the living room and read books by flashlight (sleep in the forts overnight)

Build a tree house in the back yard (use only what you have on hand or free cycle)

Build a fire pit in the back yard (free cycle the bricks) Check out Alisa's here (and they didn't spend one dime.)

Camp in the back yard

Stargaze / Cloud watch

Climb trees

Candle or lamp light dinners

Board games

Movie night w/popcorn

Marshmallow roast over a fire or the kitchen stove

“Snowball” fight (old flour or cornstarch tied into old nylons)

Car Wash

Sports – in the back yard or at a park (baseball, basketball, soccer)

Video/wii game Olympics (borrow one if you don’t have one)

Re-arrange furniture or bedroom swap

Recess games (tic tac toe, hopscotch, wee games, tag, Button Button, etc)

Dance night – learn salsa, cha cha, line dancing, etc. (youtube clips or videos from the library)

Music!!! (each family member chooses for one day or have daily themes)

Family band – learn to play spoons, drum a pot, make instruments, etc.

Family Read Aloud – choose a book to read aloud during your vacation (Patrick McMannus, Wilson Rawls, Ramona, Skippy Jon Jones, etc.)

Conversation Jar

Write your Story – scrapbook, photo albums, Journal

Letter writing day

Family Time Capsule (letters, pictures, personal data – height, weight, etc to be opened on a specific date in the future)

Scavenger hunt (house or neighborhood)

Sidewalk chalk art

Lashings Races (use scout books to learn lashings and then have races)

Box Playhouse – decorate a recycled appliance box into a playhouse

Seasonal

Rake leaves / Shovel snow (make sure to play!)

Puddle Stomp / Dance in the rain

Educational

Amazing Race – “visit” a country by checking out books and learning all about it. Make traditional cuisine for dinner, dress up like their traditional clothing, visit them online. Check out music from that country. Find an online pen pal in that country, learn their language. If $ is non-existent, choose a 3rd world country.

Science – learn about the environment of your area – native plants, animals, history. Tour any available community resources (free ones)

Crafts

Sand Castles

Make a quilt

Press flowers

Art – drawing, water colors, make your own paint

Origami

Finger print art

Recycled 2-liter bottle terrarium, ocean floor, ant farm, butterfly garden

Create – driftwood planes, recycled stuff, button necklaces,

Magnet sculptures with nuts and bolts

Seashell art

Grass / pine needle weaving

Bird feeders/nest builders

Hanging herbs/flower arranging

Melted crayon art (bits of crayon and wax paper)

Leaf rubbings

Daisy crowns

Lego Creations (great instructions online)

Make paper (use flowers, etc. to make)

Food

Baking day (make cinnamon rolls, fry bread w/ honey butter, cookies)

Read Aloud dinner (food from your read aloud)

Fondue party, chat-n-chowder, sweet nothings (sweets), pioneer food.

Popsicles, ice cream, homemade frosty’s or smoothies, lemonade, root beer floats,

Use crazy ice cubes (stars or other), crazy straws, cookie cutters

Food Art – smiley face pancakes, peaches w/ chez slice on a toothpick = sail boat, ants on a log (pb on celery w/ raisins), honey bees, cookie cutter sandwiches, apple smiles, Family fun has great ideas

Camp food – tin foil dinners, hot dog roasts, pork-n-beans, banana boats, marshmallows, s’mores , dutch oven (eat camp food cooked in/on your oven by lantern light)

China dishes dinner – regular meal with best dishes, dress up, and manners, classical music, and flower centerpiece

Away

Library (make a special meal from food mentioned in books read aloud)

Walk – by the lake, river, down a fun street, across a college campus

Water – run through the sprinklers, a spray park or local fountain, water guns/spray bottles, water balloons

Swim (river or lake or free pool)

Bike Ride/roller blade/skate board

Barnes and Noble Sat. night music concert

Free Summer concerts /Plays in the park or at college campus

Free days for – zoo, museums, local interests

Watch/support the runners in the Komen Breast Cancer 5k (tons of great music and tons of fun people)

Letter boxing / Geo caching

Archery or outdoorsman shops (often they will let you shoot a few for free and are good to talk to the kids)

Wildlife Refuges (normally free)

Bird Watching

Coupons – for treats, summer reading rewards, etc.

Hike – park, waterfall, mountains, etc.

Camp away from home (keep it very simple to keep it cheap)

Service

Walk dogs at the local pound/shelter

Yard work for elderly

Yard work for a cemetery

Pick up trash in a park

Letter writing to elderly or missionaries

The Spirit of Christmas ~ Thoughtful Consideration

2011-07-06T16:46:00.001-05:00

I've thought about posting this for years. Like breastfeeding, homeschooling, religion, politics, and a hundred other subjects, I've found Santa Claus to be one of the sacred cows in our culture. So I've said little if anything at all. But I do have some thoughts. I have an opinion. I have a voice. And if I can't share my voice on own my blog, where can I share it? Please know that the following is not my attempt to convert anyone to my way of thinking. Or to judge others' way of doing things. It is purely an attempt to share one more voice and to record how I came to some of the thoughts I have.

It is funny how little things can become big, personal things. Tim and I dated while attending Weber State University. He was a Sociology major and one of his favorite professors was Dr. Gilespie. Every year Dr. Gilespie would hold his annual "Anti-Claus" lecture/debate. Intregued, we went. To say it was thought provoking might be an understatement. I had never considered Christmas without Santa Claus. They went hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly or hot chocolate and marshmallows. I didn't buy into all he said, but I also couldn't discount much of what he said either. More than anything, I came away with a determination to purposefully create a meaningful holiday. For me, it became more about focusing on Christ than eliminating Santa.However, I also found that as I spent more time and effort on Christ, the result was that Santa (decor, songs, fables) became almost non-existent in our home.

I purposely purchased decor that reflected Christ. I started collecting Nativities and hope one day to have one in every part of the house. We found Christ in many of our typical decorations - the tree, the lights, the ornaments, the colors, the wreaths, the music, the scents, the gifts all have special meanings that have remind us of Christ. I kept the decorations and traditions that reflected Christ and we do have a few Santa things - a beautiful quilted wall hanging lovingly made by Ry's first piano teacher and a couple of ornaments from my childhood - things that spoke of love, family, service.

I also studied up on the tradition of St. Nicholas. If the legends are even partly true, he was a good, righteous man. He was generous, especially to the poor, needy, and the children. Three known historical accounts tell of him secretly leaving gold in the stockings or shoes of families in need. He spent much of his time imprisoned for his beliefs and was a frequent champion of the unjustly accused. The more I learned of St. Nicholas, the more I felt like he led a Christ-like life. I loved his generosity, his love, his unselfishness, his convictions, his work. I decided to keep the stockings traditions.

Growing up, our stockings were filled with an orange, nuts, hard candy, some chocolate and a small gift or two. I kept those traditions. To capture the spirit of St. Nicholas, we all exchanged stockings each year and the kids LOVED deciding on the perfect gifts and filling the assigned stocking. I found they were much more excited about the one they filled than their own. After they had gone to bed, I slipped a letter into each stocking. The Christmas letters have become one of my favorite Christmas traditions by far. I have loved the search for the right word to adequately express my heart for each family member. I have loved 'seeing' them in a different light and noticing things about them that might otherwise have been forgotten. I love that Ryan has a collection of love letters from his mother. I love that in the business of the season, I found time to express what mattered most to me. I love that the letter is the first thing Ryan opens on Christmas morning. I love that he has started writing a letter to me and slipping it in my stocking on Christmas Eve.

When asked if I believe in Santa, I began to say, "I believe in the spirit of St. Nicholas" and I do. I began to look for ways our family could help others through out the season. Some years that has been delivering gifts, other times volunteering in the community, others spending our time with others. We talk often of the best gifts for Christ, what those look like, and how St. Nicholas lived his life. I spent some time and created a Christmas Devotional book where we would sing songs, read scriptures and tell inspiring Christmas stories. Often the devotionals would end with a challenge to service others and soak up the celebration of the season. I don't think there has been a single year yet that we have done all of the devotionals. Life gets in the way sometimes. But that has also kept if fresh each year.

I've never asked Ry (or any other kids in my home) what they wanted for Christmas. Rather the question has always been, "What are you giving for Christmas?" Such a simple change of words completely changes the focus and attitude. We have given 3 gifts, which when added to the stocking and gifts from grandparents/extended family has always felt like a very full Christmas. Had Ryan had siblings, we would have had the kids make gifts for each other as well. I have loved how limiting the number of gifts has simplified the season for me. I have been able to enjoy the month instead of feeling rushed.

Over the years, I haven't condemned Santa nor actively eliminated him. I found that as I purposely chose traditions that reflected Christ, I had less time, money or opportunity to focus on Santa. I found that I didn't have time to visit Santa at the mall. I spent time scouring the internet for Christmas music that I loved and I found I had little time available for music I only liked. I found that I as I filled the season with the best things for us, there was little left over for other good things. Our culture permeates Santa Claus and Ryan has not been denied the opportunity to sit on his lap, watch the movies and sing the songs at the stores, school and activities. I just haven't invited him to our home. I have no regrets. I am so grateful we went to the Anti-Claus debate so many years ago not because it has taken anything away from Christmas, but because it has added so much more. I am grateful that I was provoked to thoughtful consideration and choose what has been best for us.

Period Films I Adore~

2011-07-06T10:36:00.000-05:00

I've always loved the past. I have a picture of a two yr. old me decked out in a yellow pioneer dress complete with a white eyelet pinafore and bonnet. I LOVED that dress. I still remember the day when my mom said we had to give it away, that I was way too big for it. I was nine. (In my defense, I don't think I had worn it for a few years, but I loved it so much I wanted to keep it forever.)

I love these movies. Often when I am home alone, I will put one on just for company in the house. I love the messages of my favorites. So here there are: (if anyone has any to add to the list, please let me know!)

Jane Austin-
Sense and Sensibility (2008)
Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth edition)

Emma (both the Kate Beckinsale and 2010 versions)

Northanger Abbey

Becoming Jane

Elizabeth Gaskill-
Wives and Daughters
North and South (BBC)
Cranford
Return to Cranford

Dickens-
Little Doritt

Our Mutual Friend

Nicholas Nickleby

Charlotte Bronte

Jane Eyre (Toby Stephens - Masterpiece Classic)

Thomas Hardy-

Under the Greenwood Tree

Victor Hugo-

Les Miserables (Liam Neeson)

Others-
Larkrise to Candleford (BBC)
Bright Star
Amazing Grace
The Importance of Being Ernest
Anna and the King
Ever After
Little Woman
Love Comes Softly and Loves Enduring Promise
Sarah Plain and Tall and Skylark
Sommersby
The Man from Snowy River
Seasons of the Heart
Sweet Land

Mother's Day 2011

2011-07-06T10:20:00.001-05:00

I wrote this last Mother's Day but didn't get it published. More like a journal entry but I finally decided to share it.

I want to record this weekend before I forget. This weekend is the last weekend that Ryan will be with me for some time. For the next 5 weekends, he will go to his dad's. I set aside some appointments for me (hair) and left my huge bag of grading at school and decided to focus on him.

Sat.
We slept in. Glorious! We leisurely made our way through a morning routine. I purchased our plane tickets online for the summer. Eventually we were ready to go by noon. We left for the science museum- just us. One the way, we talked through the car wash. Once there, we rode the Segways together - my first time. We worked together to make the pulley contraption move the weight. We had robot arm wars. Ryan rode the flight simulator and lets just say I don't think I will ever ride with him as a pilot - he clipped a few trees, seems to love rolling the plane and I suspect it was a crash landing. We shared a basket of fries and walked around the gardens. I had no idea the gardens where there and they are gorgeous! We dreamt together what we would like in our dream backyard. We watched the Extreme Sports Imax movie which now has Ryan regretting he signed up for Snowboarding for his Snow Sports merit badge. :)

Once home, I switched laundry and played on the internet, while Ryan mowed the lawn. Then he played on the internet while I weeded the flower beds. He opted to stay home while I ran a mother's day gift to a friend. While out, I remembered I needed to pick something up from a sister in our ward. She didn't have my item, but I was able to spend a few minutes talking with a sister I haven't seen in a long time. We both lost our husbands around the same time - mine to divorce and her's to death. It was good to talk to her. Afterward, I ran to Walmart for a few things. Once home we had a late night dinner of salmon, stir fry veggies and rice - some of Ry's favorites.
Sunday began with the 6am alarm as church begins at 8. We got going and were there early. I remembered to wear my locket from my parents. I felt emotional before we even left! The hymns always bring a lump to my throat and I spent most of the time holding the book and wiping tears. The sacrament hymn was "I Stand All Amazed" - I love that song and sing it often to Ry when I am tucking him in at night. I love watching Ryan pass the sacrament. The talks were wonderful - some of the best I've heard on Mother's Day. They were from the heart, personal, intimate stories. They spoke of Christ, they uplifted and inspired. I loved them. After, I gave my first primary lesson on John ch. 9. It went well and I could see the kids were paying attention.

After church, the missionaries came over for dinner. We had baked french toast with homemade syrup, apples and apple dip and smoothies. Lots of sugar today! After dinner, we pulled out the conversation jar and shared "one funny and one spiritual story from our college days" (or school days in Ryan's case) We shared the Lamb of God cd music with them and some of Molly Davis' cd and sent them home with a bar of my favorite soap.
I took a nap. Afterward, I made up some pans of baked french toast and some apple dip and delivered to some of the best mom's I know. I spent time talking at two of the homes. At the end of the evening, I felt like I had been a ministering angel. And I had followed the spirit - at the last minute, I had changed my delivery route and was were I needed to be at the right time.

I got home late - 10pm, but I never wanted the weekend to end so we put in Secretariat and watched together until we fell asleep. It was a good weekend - a beautiful weekend that didn't end up how I had planned. We ended up doing most of the things that Ryan wanted to do. Mother's day weekend this year was one of the best but mostly because most of it wasn't about me - It was about Ryan and serving so many around me. My cup is dripping down the sides...

Crock Pot Baked Potatoes

2011-06-27T10:44:00.000-05:00

My friend Pamela posted this recipe on a board we visit. Her description - A.W.E.S.O.M.E!!!! I agree. Super wonderful, especially in the blistering heat when you do not want to turn on your oven.

CROCK POT BAKED POTATOES

Scrub potatoes
Soak potatoes overnight in water with sea salt
Poke holes in potatoes
Coat potatoes with olive oil
Stand potatoes up in crock pot on their ends

DO NOT ADD WATER to the crock pot
Put lid on crock pot
Cook on high for four hours

Summer Reading

2011-06-27T10:37:00.000-05:00

Bookcase in my tiny living room. I LOVE books in the living room. Actually in every room. Thinking about it, I have at least one bookcase in every room of my house except the bathroom and that is only because of a lack of space.

I am free to read!!!!! I have stayed up late reading into wee hours of the morning. I have woken in the morning to my books next to me and have lazed in bed reading for a few more hours. I've finished 3 books so far and have to share two of them with you - so,so, so good.

"The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" - a wonderfully fun read. Loved it! Charming and beguiling are great descriptors. Less than half way through the book I looked up the authors to see if there were more of the books as I was falling in love with the characters. I was saddened to learn that the principal author, Mary Ann Shaffer, passed away before completing the book. I am so glad that her niece, Anne Burrows, finished it to share with the world. The entire novel is a series of letters which is something new to me. It was so much fun.It made me want to pick up a pen and write lovely letters to all I know. I also realized how different letter writing is and how much I can improve. The book also made me want to discover some books that are mentioned that I have never read. And it made me miss book groups I've participate with in the past. Sharing a book together is wonderful bonding - like a secret treasure you found together. When I first moved to Oklahoma eight years ago, I joined a book group. Loved it. Most of us read the books and freely shared our love/hate relationships with them. Once, Caroline choose the book "The Secret Garden" as the book for the next month. We got to together but with all the busy-ness of that month, it was one of the rare times that no one had read the book. We spent the evening visiting instead. I was able to get to the book a month or so later and I. LOVED. IT. I will never forget whispering together through most of the next meeting with Caroline, sharing our favorite parts and what we took away from it. It made me just bubble to share it with her and find that she loved it too. Caroline is now a published children's author, (and her book is wonderful!) We rarely see each other, but in the words of Anne Shirley, she is a kindred spirit.

The other book I want to share is "Mama'a Bank Account" - love, love, love this book! Super easy read that I may read to my 3rd graders this next year. Much along the lines of "Cheaper by the Dozen" - oozes so much family goodness, fiscal responsibility and gospel messages. This is a great family read aloud.

I also want to link Montserrat's (of Chocolate on my Cranium) summer reading program. Such a great idea. I may do it for myself or start it for my students.

And lastly, two huge thumbs up for www.abebooks.com. I bought a ton of books from them for $1.00 each. I have been extremely happy with all of them. Full book shelves make me happy!

The bookcase in my bedroom. Running out of space. Must be about time to move to a bigger place because getting rid of some of my books is not an option.

A Day in my Life

2011-06-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

I wrote this May 17 but never had time to edit or publish.

6:00 Alarm goes off. Up. Read some scriptures for my lesson. Start cover letter for Resume to ELL director.

6:40 Shower

6:55 Wake Ryan, dress, make up, etc,

7:20 leave the house, drop off Ry, drive to school.

7:50 Pick up students (all 29), handle problems, work out lunch issues, finish 3 fluency tests

8:45 Morning meeting

9:10 - 11:00 Space unit with students

11 pick up sack lunches, take back to room and monitor kids while eating and recess. Show Spanish speakers new English games on computer and how to play.

12 Drop off kids at Super kids day. Run home to get dvds, laptop, portable dvd player, and Japan box.

12:25 pick up McDonald's lunch for Mrs. Brinson (another teacher) and myself - eat most of mine in the car.

1:00 unload everything ( 2 trips) set up "Tangled" movie (because Super Kids Fun day is cut short because of weather), help Meg (another teacher) with her dvd, open Japan box, set up Estella (part-time aide) with corrections, clean off desk.

1:30 Pick up kids early from super kids day. Bring back and handled problems, soaking wet kids, bathroom for everyone, move desks and set up for movie with popcorn. Review rules and necessary items for zoo tomorrow.

2:00 Start movie. I work on Zoo folder, groups, etc. at desk. Actually sit for first time all day. Monitor kids.

3:15 Movie is over. Parents picking up because of huge thunderstorm outside.

3:30 - 4 get kids out the door. People everywhere with parents trying to pick up kids. CHAOS!

4:30 Go to the bank and exchange Ryan's mangled $20. He ran over it with the mower on Friday.

5:00 Home. Cleaned up the kitchen and started the dishes soaking. Start a load of laundry

5:30 Set up the printer to the laptop and look up scout merit badges stuff. Print and staple packets of the current merit badges Ry is working on - Reading, Cooking, Personal Management, Personal Fitness, & Citizenship in community. Remind Ry to get uniform.

6:20 leave for Scouts

6:30 - 7:10 teach scouts Citizenship in the Community.

7:20 - 7:40 drive to North Edmond. Talk to friend Shara on the way and see how things are going with daughter difficulties.

7:40 - 8: 20 pick up Japan stuff from Garretts. Brenda shows me how to have the kids make a Samauri soldier hat. Go through stuff and she tells me what most of it is.Can barely get huge box into my car.

8:30 - 9:00 drive back to church. Talk to Cindy on the way. Oil light comes on 1/2 a block from the church.

9:00 - 9:30 Ryan and I clean the church - garbages, bathrooms, fountains, and general pick-up.

9:30 walk to nearest gas station and buy 2 qts. of oil. Return and put in car.

10 drive home. Ry grabs some food in front of an old episode of MacGyver. I wash the dishes, switch the laundry and sweep the floor. Make brownies.

11 get Ryan in bed. Finally sit down to check email. Respond to 2-3 emails. Read some of the SS lesson for Sunday.

11:30 get brownies out of oven. Go to bed. Actually lay in bed exhausted but unable shut off my brain for 30+ mins.

Motherhood

2011-06-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

I have some thoughts I'd like to share about motherhood. I've thought about them for a long time, so hopefully soon, I will find a way to share them on paper (monitor?) in a concise, intelligible manner. In the meantime, I ran across this artist and this talk that she gave at BYU education week. Wow. I love what she says about being a mother and family. I went through the 31 domestic paintings first and then went back through them as I listened to her talk (it is about 20+ mins. long.) and then fell in love with them, or rather the message they share and the thoughts, determinations, appreciation they have inspired. Which one is your favorite and why? (I'll share my favs and why in a couple of days.)
Julie

Make It Happen

2011-06-14T10:57:00.001-05:00

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. Lots of rocking about in the boat on what appears to be the same sea has had me less than enthused to chronicle it all. But I am back now so....

Family Home Evening. Our church encourages us to spend time together as a family every Monday night. They encourage it so much that no other activities are never allowed on Mondays. It is essential, sacred family time. Family Home Evening was a hit and miss growing up. I can only imagine how hard it was to corral 6 kids and as I was older, our schedules were all over the place. Interestingly enough, I do remember a long stretch of Family Home Evenings around the time I was 12. I don't remember the sibling 'discussions' (fighting) although I am sure there was some. I don't remember the lessons. I do remember learning the words to the hymn "Choose the Right" and every time I hear it or sing it, it takes me back to black vinyl couch, the house on Sherman street, and my family. I do know that I felt the spirit during some of the Family Home Evenings because I remember the feeling.

Family Home Evening has been a bit of a hit or miss with my family as well. Our family dynamic is completely different than the typical. It is just Ryan and I all the time. It has felt silly when I tried to have family night the typical way and we would trade 'jobs' - one give the prayer, the other the song, back to the first for a lesson, etc. Ryan and I talk all the time and I found that many of our FHE lessons felt forced, canned, spiritless especially in contrast to our many other discussions. And sometimes it felt like the activities highlighted the fact that we are only two rather than being fun activities together.

I prayed about it. I started gleaning bits from friends and my testimony of FHE began to deepen. My friend Kim mentioned that their family had been working on it - no matter how short that they spent some time together each Monday night and that they called it Family Home Evening - that is was a distinguished time for her kids. My friend Alisa shared some of her family nights on her blog and I noticed that they did FHE right after dinner, around the table. Another friend, Lindsay, constantly links her discussions to lds.org and the wealth of clips/discussions there. Hmmmm. Ideas began to form. I began to desire it more for my family. My heart started to want this - This was essential to my family.

As I continued to pray and ponder how to make this something special for my family, some inspiration came. First, I moved pizza night from Friday to Monday. Perfect idea because pizza holds an allure I will never understand. It made Monday nights instantly special and helped with accountability - no FHE = no pizza. And I made FHE part of dinner. We rarely (never?) skip meals so if they were tied together... the logic followed we wouldn't skip FHE.

The next thing I have done is to add more 'people' to our family. Ryan loves movies and tv. He is very visual. So I decided to base our lessons on what I could find on lds.org. I have found therre are TONS of video clips. This has made a HUGE difference for us. Now, it feels like we are both learning rather than one teaching (preaching) and the other hearing the lesson (lecture). By 'inviting' others voices has really helped our family nights feel different, special, unique.

So here is how last night looked in our family:

Prayer- over the food and FHE

Lesson - while we ate grilled cheese sandwiches (we are saving $ for vacations so no pizza for a few weeks), we watched a clip on Chastity on lds.org. Then we watched the video on Joseph in Egypt and discussed his story from the scriptures and finally, we watched a clip of testimonies on chastity from other youth. We talked about it. Since neither of us are dating, we talked about attitude, discussions with friends, choosing friends, and media- issues of where we are now. We ended the lesson with reading For the Strength of Youth section on Chastity and deciding that next week's lesson will be on Family.

Activity- after the lesson, we drove over to the car wash and vacuumed out the car. It took 10 mins. of vacuuming to get it cleaned out if that tells you anything.

Treat - We came home and had graham cracker/chocolate bar 'cookies'. I had planned to roast marshmallows and have s'mores, but Ryan didn't want to take the time to roast them. Works for me.

Prayer - we ended with our family prayer for the evening.

I share all of this only to share my conviction that Family Home Evening is about your family. Make it work for you. Make it unique to everyone else. Make it a tradition. Make it memorable. Make it yours. Make it happen.

I also share this because being a single parent presents challenges. Being a single parent of an only child presents challenges. Both are challenges that are not always represented in FHE lessons, manuals, crafts, or examples. Challenges that require thinking outside of the box.

I am a gleaner of ideas, creator of none so I would love to hear from any of you with additional ideas, FHE hits and misses, the good and the bad, what works for you and what doesn't. Most importantly- make it happen.

Long, Long, Long Day

2011-04-20T16:38:00.001-05:00

Sigh.
No message.

A Few of My Loves...

2011-03-29T21:34:00.000-05:00

General Conference is this weekend and I can hardly wait. It isn't so much about the talks, although I love them. (My problem is I have a hard time concentrating, thinking and continuing to listen at the same time. I much prefer to re-read the talks, see the words, highlight and take notes, stop, consider, look things up and come back to the talk and all of those things are nigh to impossible during the live sessions.) But I do love conference. I love the feeling of unity, of kindred spirits, of gathering from all over the world to sit and listen to the Lord's words. I love that I feel a part of something so wonderful, so grand, so holy, all the while sitting in my living room alone. Just watching the lines of saints waiting for their seats makes me tear up. And I love the spring flowers! Flowers are like a soothing touch - a caress. Do the gardeners have any idea how much I appreciate their hours of love and labor? And I love the music! One of these days I want to experience conference in the tabernacle and conference center just to hear the music, to feel the vibrations, the energy. I can only imagine how it must sound it person when it sounds that amazing over the internet.

The last week before conference is always hard - I always feel beaten down by the world, overwhelmed by the lists, powerless against those mightier than I. I am hungry for the unity of the saints and the words of the Lord.

I ran across this link to Conference Packets. They are the best I've ever seen and I just wanted to share.

I also wanted to share a couple of blogs that have touched me deeply. I have others, but these two I really wanted to share tonight.
Resolved 2 Worship - I have really loved glimpses into this family and I love her playlist. I put it on most mornings while we are getting ready for school and Ryan has many of the songs memorized. She has made me think about my relationship with the Lord and with others so many times. I love, love, love the pictures on this site.

Chocolate on My Cranium - I always come away so uplifted and encouraged from Chocolate's messages. So much love, wisdom, and joy are freely shared here. Chocolate has a new blog that I am loving as well called Society Sunday - I love the content and I love the layout & graphics of this site.

I have never met either of these women and yet they have made an impact on me.They have helped me to think, ponder, consider, prioritize, and love more. They have encouraged my heart, strengthened my convictions, and exemplified grace. I love that they both have large families and are both pregnant with wanted babes. I love that they love their children, find joy in being mothers, that they cherish their marriages. I love that they embrace beauty and that they create, and most of all, I love that they love the Lord.

Much Love,
Julie

Top 'O The Morning to Ya!

2011-03-17T08:51:00.001-05:00

I missed Pi day (3/14) so I don't want to miss the opportunity to wish you all a very happy St. Patrick's day. I am reposting my thoughts from two years ago -I love St. Patrick Day! I have corned beef in the crock pot and will be having potatoes and cabbage later today. If I am feeling up to it, I may make some Irish Soda Bread as well. Yum!

St. Patrick's Day

Having bright red hair and fair skin, I have been asked many times if I am Irish. I believe we have a few drops way back when, but I have come to love this holiday for more reasons than just ancestry. First, I have been to Ireland. In college I was part of a touring singing/dancing group which toured the British Isles for 5 weeks. We performed in Belfast, Cork, & Limerick. I kissed the Blarney stone & roamed the Blarney castle ruins. I had an amazing time and would go back in a heart beat.

Secondly, I learned about St. Patrick. He was an amazing man and has become an example of faith for me. He was born Maewyn Succat in Scotland around 373 AD to a Roman Christian family. The Roman Empire was close to collapse and was being invaded by enemies. When he was 16, he was kidnapped & taken to Ireland. He became a slave to Irish chieftains and sold around. He spent much of his time alone tending the sheep & praying. He said,

"Every day I had to tend sheep, and many times a day I prayed - the love of God and His fear came to me more and more, and my faith was strengthened. And my spirit was moved so that in a single day I would say as many as a hundred prayers and almost as many in the night, and this even when I was staying in the woods and on the mountains; and I felt no harm, and there was no sloth in me - as now I see, because the spirit within me was fervent. "

After 6 years of being a slave he had a dream where a voice told him that a ship was waiting for him. He felt that God was telling him to escape. He made it to the sea where he convinced a ship captain to carry him home to England. Once home, he was determined to dedicate his life to God amidst his father's protests. He went on to France to study religion and become a priest. He had another dream in that he felt God called him to be a missionary to Ireland. He began his mission in 430 AD (age 57) amid constant danger. He spent the next 30 years preaching the gospel of Christ. He was ridiculed, persecuted, and imprisoned. He wrote, "Daily I expect murder, fraud, or captivity, but I fear none of these things because of the promises of heaven. I have cast myself into the hands of God Almighty who ruled everywhere." Legend says that he used the 3-leafed shamrock to teach the principle of the Godhead. History records that St. Patrick founded more than 300 churches and baptized more than 120,000 people. Many of his converts became missionaries to Scotland, England, Germany & Belgium. St. Patrick died in Ireland on March 17, 460 AD. Thousands of mourners attended his funeral carrying so many candles & torches that the sky was as light as day.("The Holiday Book" by Jill Connelly)

Lastly, I was a missionary. I served for 18 months in Santiago, Chile. It was an amazing experience which I remember every day. One day I hope to go back. For me, St. Patrick's Day is a celebration of missionary work. I can relate to his love for the Irish people. I have that same love for the Chilean people. I also love that green is the color of St. Patrick's Day - green is the color of life and it reminds me of the new life we have with the gospel of Christ. The gospel makes us new again, full of life & possibilities, full of hope for the future.

Stretch your faith today. Exercise your spiritual muscle. Share your testimony with those around you in deed and in word.

May the road rise to meet you

May the wind be always at your back

May the sun shine warm upon your face

The rains fall soft upon your fields

And until we meet agin,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Irish Blessing

I am...

2011-03-16T11:28:00.000-05:00

I love, love, love this!

The Scales of Education

2011-02-25T07:01:00.000-06:00

I think that the little good I may be doing as a teacher is being greatly outweighed by the heavy hand of the system. Sigh.

The Temples of My Life

2011-02-20T16:16:00.000-06:00

I follow several blogs but one stands out among the rest - Monserrat of Chocolate on my Cranium. I love her wisdom, her depth of spirit, how much she shares. I love her testimony and example of marriage and motherhood. I check her blog almost daily and always, always come away uplifted.

Today, tears dripped down my cheeks as she shared about temples. You won't be disappointed. Take a few minutes and go watch it. Make sure to watch all of the clips - they are all so good.

Temples

As a youth, I got to participate in 3 Dance Festivals. Two occasions I danced in the Ukrainian dance. One of the steps was so hard for me to learn - it took me weeks, maybe even months, to learn the step. It is the only step that I can still do 25 years later. I cried as I saw their costumes - exactly like mine was so many years ago. I felt such a kinship and love for those wonderful youth in the video. When I first danced the Ukrainian dance, the cold war was still going strong. To think of the miracles that have happened in my lifetime, truly humbles me.

I love the simpleness of her words about the temple, and especially the words of others in the clip "Why Mormons Build Temples." I have so many layers of testimony and experience with the temples. I went to the temple last weekend and the blessings of that morning keep rippling out. I cherish the temple. I wish I was a powerful and articulate writer who could paint the emotions, the spirit, the joy, the promises, the revelation, the peace of the temple. I wish I could make you feel how thin, how transparent, the veil between mortality and immortality are in the temples. Instead, I leave with you my testimony of temples. I cherish the temple. They are the House of the Lord, built to His holiness.

For my grandchildren, these are the temples of my life:

Idaho Falls Temple: My first temple experience. My family was sealed together in this temple. I remember it still. I remember us all kneeling together around the alter, my mom holding my baby sister Cindy. I remember the feeling of love and eternity. I was 6 years old.

(I also attended this temple while at Ricks College for two years.)

Seattle Temple: I remember the surprise, excitement and pure joy when this temple was announced. I remember saving money to help build it and all of the service opportunities for the open house. I remember going through the open house and the long lines waiting for hours in the rain to tour the temple. All of my youth years were at this temple. Some of my earliest lessons in symbolism were learned here. One last thing - there are many life size statures on the grounds of this temple that I love. So beautiful. For years I said I would be married in this temple - maybe one day.

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Portland, Oregon Temple: I was so surprised when they announced this temple and while thrilled, I felt a twinge of guilt. We had a temple close by (it was only 5 hours to Seattle) when so many of the world did not. I loved the Seattle temple and was not ready to move on. I soon learned that love for the temples increases, it doesn't transfer. This temple is amazingly beautiful. The grounds, the building, the doors, the arboretum, the art work, the rooms inside - one of the most beautiful I have ever seen. A couple of tender memories with this temple - just before the open house, our ward had a display of all of the things members had made to donate to the temple. It was so sacred. There were hand crocheted alter cloths, art work, blankets for children, shawls, tissue & scripture covers, linens, white clothing for all, especially children. All of it done by hand. It touched my heart deeply to see so much love expressed for the Lord and for each other.

This temple is where I remember my mom. She was with me the first time I went through as an adult. She was there for my wedding. I remember helping her (she was in a wheel chair) at my sisters wedding. I have felt her there so many times.

This is also the temple where all of my family have been married. So many memories of weddings at this temple. Lastly, this is the temple where I took Ryan for his 'first' temple trip. (another post sometime)

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Salt Lake City temple: My parents took me to this temple the day before I entered the Missionary Training Center on my mission to Santiago, Chile. While I have only been inside a couple of times, I have walked these grounds countless times. This temple is steeped in symbols, sacrifice and devotion and for that alone, I love this temple.

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Provo Temple: I attended this temple weekly for 8 weeks while in the missionary training center. A HUGE part of my love of the temple was developed during this time. I learned to feel so comfortable in the temple and my eyes were opened, just a bit, to the mysteries of God. I learned some questions that have taken years of study to find answers. How grateful I am for that journey.

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Santiago, Chile Temple: I attended this temple twice. Sweet, rich experience to hear the temple sessions in Spanish. The last time I went through, I was shocked at how many members from all of my areas came to go through with me before I left for home. I cried A LOT. So many emotions. The sisters called me "La Llorona" - the crier. Said with much love and smiles. :)

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Ogden, Utah Temple: I attended this temple while I went to Weber State University. Many times Tim and I would attend together, both while we were dating and after we were married. Many decisions were taken to the Lord in the temple. This was the temple were I participated in a Temple Worship day - we were there from 6 am - 2 pm and in that time participated in every ordinance of the temple. It was amazing. I want to do it again sometime.

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Dallas, TX temple: This was our temple for the two years we lived in Oklahoma while Tim attended Law School. Luckily, we had friends living in the Dallas area as it was a three hour drive. We would stay the weekend with them, they would watch Ryan for us, and we attended the temple together. While only 3 1/2 hours away, attending this temple became a large test of our faith. Our car broke down every. time. we. went. And I mean serious break downs. Stressful, but we have really good memories of those times. We always had the money to cover the repairs, just barely (like cents left over. )

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Oklahoma City temple: I was again surprised to learn of a temple being built so close to us - it felt like the gospel was spreading by leaps and bounds. This temple became special in that we were close enough to watch it being built. Every other Sunday we would drive out to the construction site and sit for a few minutes searching to make out the layout, the next steps and marveling at the miracle springing up before our eyes. I love the cobblestone bricks out front and the coziness of it. We helped with the open house as ushers - I loved how people would catch their breath at the beauty of the celestial room.

We left for a family reunion the day before the dedication and then moved to Oregon. We helped build this temple but did not attend a session for over three years. This temple played largely in our answers to return to Oklahoma and it was a sweet experience to attend for the first time. This place was my safe haven during the divorce months. I felt the Lord so close at that time and have heard his voice.

Ryan and I had the privilege of cleaning out the flower beds and landscaping the grounds one spring. Ryan wasn't too sure of this 'privilege' but after was so glad that we did it. I had a hard time getting him to go when it was time.

This is also the temple that Ryan first entered. It was an incredibly sweet experience for my dad to baptize me and then Ryan for some of our ancestors.

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Nauvoo, Illinois temple: I get teary-eyed just seeing this temple and remembering. I remember walking on the ground where the temple now stands at a 10 yr. old when there was nothing but grass and a faint impression of the foundation stones. I remember seeing a model under glass of it and looking at the remaining sunstones. Ryan and I drove into Nauvoo at about 6:00 in the evening July 2009 and the summer sun was lighting the temple as you see in this picture. As we drove up the hill, we turned the corner and there it was. It took my breath away. It still does. It was magnificent. Gleaming. Amazing. I cried. I couldn't believe I was seeing it. So much healing has taken place in this sacred spot over the last two years. So much strength given.

As part of the Nauvoo pageant, we build the temple on stage and at the end, spotlights light the temple in the background. Our first year in pageant, I got to be one of the sisters who keeps the temple banners from touching the ground as the temple is raised. I loved the emotions and spirit I felt as I sang with all of my heart Praise to the Man while the temple banners raised from my outstretched hands. After it was built, Ryan would find me in the crowd and we would spend a few minutes together gazing at the temple, tears silently drifting down our cheeks. Then, we would pack our bags and with one last look at the temple, leave for Utah. I loved that Ryan and the girls in our family would always step out from the wagon train and have one last look at the temple - no one ever told them to do it. Every night, when the temple was about to be lit, all of the kids would stop what they were doing backstage to look at the temple.

Ry and I walked the grounds that first year, looking at all of the carvings in the rock and I was able to attend a session with the adults.

Last year (2010) was even better. This time Ryan was old enough to help his grandpa (my dad) and the men built the framework of the temple. I was in the RS sewing circles sewing shirts for the workmen. This year, I was a runner, actually carrying a temple banner and hooking it into the framework to be lifted up. I watched my dad and step-mom walk through the temple on stage. Again, Ryan found me each night and put his arm around me as we gazed at the temple. This year, Ryan was 12 and my dad baptized Ryan and my step-sister Heather. This year, I attended a temple session with my dad, step-mom and sister. This year I saw artifacts preserved at the temple I had never seen before. I learned about the miraculous hand of God in rebuilding the temple.

I wish the pictures could do it justice, but they don't. You have to experience Nauvoo.

There they all are. The temples of my life so far. I cherish each of them. They are the House of the Lord. His spirit dwells within their walls. The work there is sacred, the blessings eternal. The mysterious of God are unfolded - numberless layers of understanding. The eternal mingles with the temporal in the house of the Lord. Go and hear his voice.

Who is this Kid?

2011-02-19T09:59:00.000-06:00

Oh, just the kid who will be going to the State Inventor's Exposition with his solar paneled cell phone recharger! And the kid who made his school baseball team! Have I mentioned how much I love this guy? Congrats Ryan! You rock!

Love

2011-02-14T20:00:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Legend says that today is the anniversary of St. Valentine's death. He was put to death for disobeying the Roman Emperor by marrying soldiers to their sweethearts. The tradition of notes of appreciation came from the newlyweds slipping notes of gratitude through the bars when he was in jail. Notes of gratitude - love that.

I left Ry a couple of notes for him to find throughout the day. We went out to eat at Chen's Buffet (I ate TONS of shrimp and salmon!) At home, we had our first dance lesson in the kitchen, talked about girls and dating, read scriptures together and then watched Princess Bride together. He hadn't seen it in a long time so it was really fun to crack up at parts of it. Friends delivered cookies which were awesome!

Appreciate your loved ones!

Love

2011-02-13T21:02:00.000-06:00

"A ^afriend loveth at all times..." Proverbs 7:17

A friend brought us a treat last Sunday with this quote. Loved it.

I am not a facebook fan - I rarely post and have never cared much for the wall feature. But I do love facebook for the one reason I use it - as a 'phone book' of my life. I have loved finding and catching up with friends that I haven't seen in years. Today I had a friend request from a sweet young woman that used to go on splits with me in my first area in Chile. It has been over 15 years and she found me. I loved catching up on her, her mission (yeah!), her marriage and family. Absolutely made my day! So today, I LOVE facebook.

Love

2011-02-12T15:13:00.000-06:00

" When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. " -- Dr Suese

Love

2011-02-11T01:00:00.001-06:00

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you." --Roy Croft

I stopped by my friend Alisa's for a few minutes yesterday. We visited for a bit and kids played through out the house as some friends were over. I didn't say much to the kids and was surprised to see one of her kiddos run to the front door to wave good--bye as I was leaving. The smile on his face was huge. Such a simple, silly thing but it squeezed my heart. Kids have the power to make me want to be better.

Love

2011-02-10T16:25:00.001-06:00

This scripture is near to my heart.

Your words have been ^astout against me, saith the Lord. Yet ye say, What have we spoken so much against thee?

14Ye have said, It is ^avain to serve God: and what ^bprofit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the Lord of hosts?

15And now we call the ^aproud happy; yea, they that work^bwickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.

16¶Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a ^abook of^bremembrance was written before him for them that feared theLord, and that thought upon his name.

17And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my ^bjewels; and I will ^cspare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.
Malachi 3: 13 - 17

Love

2011-02-09T07:11:00.001-06:00

Let us not love in word, ^aneither in tongue; but in ^bdeed and in truth. 1 John 3:18
Random Acts of Kindness week is next week (Feb. 14 - 21). Check out this post - that is loving in deed and truth. I love the idea! I love that she will never forget this birthday. I have done some of the ideas that she did and I have LOVED it. It was so fun, crazy and made my heart grow.
I have consciously worked since the divorce on not becoming bitter. I had borrowed a mantra during my secondary infertility days that became my mantra after the divorce: "Better not Bitter." I especially notice that many singles struggle with February, the month of love. I too laughed when my sister wished me a happy Single Awareness Day on Valentine's Day a few years ago. But as I started this idea of sharing quotes, scriptures, videos and ideas about love this month, I have LOVED it! I have felt so much more love for all around me, so much excitement for loving opportunities, so much more compassion and patience. I want to shout that February isn't about a date, it is about beauty that you love, people that you love, dreams that you love, truth that you love, memories that you love, deeds that you love.
I challenge you to do Random Acts of Kindness. Create love.
(For some simple ideas check out this post - I love it!)

Love

2011-02-08T06:36:00.000-06:00

I love being a teacher.

Love

2011-02-07T07:13:00.001-06:00

Today is my parents 42 wedding anniversary. I love that my dad remembered even though he is remarried. I love that my step-mom feels comfortable with him remembering.

My parents had a true whirlwind love story. They were married 80 days after they met and a few days before he shipped out with the navy. I love their faith and commitment to each other. I love that my mom followed my dad in the navy and supported the decision to leave their dream farm for a better career. I love that my dad supported my mom through years of illness and premature death. To my knowledge, neither ever waivered. I love my parents. I love their marriage. I love their example. I love their testimonies. I love the family they created.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Love

2011-02-06T07:34:00.000-06:00

We love him, because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. John 13:34

Food Inc,

2011-02-05T10:30:00.000-06:00

Ryan and I watched half of the documentary "Food, Inc." last night. I will finish it today sometime. I may never eat again. Seriously. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Love

2011-02-05T08:50:00.000-06:00

But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;
3 Nephi 12:44

Love

2011-02-04T08:25:00.002-06:00

"The life and love we create is the life and love we live." --Leo Buscaglia

Love

2011-02-03T08:36:00.002-06:00

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." --Helen Keller

Love

2011-02-02T09:36:00.000-06:00

"The answer to religious complacency isn't working harder at a list of do's and don'ts. It's falling in love with God."

Love

2011-02-01T18:15:00.000-06:00

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything."  ~Katherine Hepburn

Family Home Evening

2011-02-01T09:00:00.000-06:00

Family Home Evening has been a hard thing for our family. It has been difficult to make it work for us for many reasons. For a few months, I have been thinking and praying about it. How to make it work for our unique family dynamic? I wanted FHE to be something we looked forward to, something different than the rest of the days of the week. I hit upon an idea and implemented it last night to success.
FHE is now our pizza night! I picked up pizza last night and after dinner we each shared a short lesson. Ryan prepared some thoughts from the Duty to God booklet on scripture study and I prepared some thoughts about recognizing the Spirit from Preach My Gospel. Ryan ended the evening with a long and thoughtful prayer (I think he asked 6 times that we wouldn't loose power in the coming storm - our week without power a few years ago really made an impact on him.) We cuddled up on my bed for the lessons and guess what? It worked! It was fun, short, thoughtful, different and really worked for our family.
More than anything, I am grateful for promptings from the Spirit to work on this and even more grateful for the inspiration that came. Make family time a priority and make it work for your family - whatever that looks like.

Well That Turned Out To Be A Win-Win!

2011-02-01T08:42:00.000-06:00

Lately I have been so tired at night that I have left the dishes at night until the next day. I thought about it and came up with a solution that would help me. First of all, I don't like doing dishes by myself, but my kitchen is too small for someone to dry and put away while I am washing. Also, growing up, my dad would read aloud to us while we kids did the dishes and I LOVED it. Thinking of this, I told Ryan my new plan. After dinner I wanted him to sit on the washer and read aloud to me while I did the dishes. He needs to read more and I need the dishes done, win-win. Well, I came home yesterday with Pizza for dinner (more on that in the next post) and all of the dishes were done. Ryan had done them all so that he wouldn't have to read to me. Yes, I will have to be more creative about how to get him to read more, but voluntarily doing the dishes?! And I don't have to do them?! Win-Win!

The Power of One

2011-01-25T00:43:00.000-06:00

I can't express how much I love this example. (Tee - it is a South Florida branch)

Time Machines

2011-01-19T06:21:00.000-06:00

So when I came home last evening, Ryan had completely torn his room apart and was deep cleaning and purging. He does this about twice a year although I've never seen it to quite this extent. If fact he couldn't finish it all yesterday and is finishing the last bit today. I love that he is not a pack rat. I love that he has his own messy breaking point, although his is a bit further down the line than mine. I guess he is growing up as this time he purged all of his bookshelves and had garbage bag full of books that he had "outgrown". I looked through the bag and memories came flooding back. Suddenly I was sitting in the recliner reading "Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear?" to him sitting on my lap until we had most of it memorized. Sweet, sweet memories.

The other day I opened a tiny sample of baby lotion that had come in an order of stuff. Instantly, memories so real I could actually feel them came crashing around me. Lotion-ing Ryan when he was tiny. He was such a spindly little thing and would snuggle into my shoulder after I got him dressed. Lotion-ing Shelby on my bed. I could feel her fat baby thighs and rolls. I could hear the giggles of the girls as I wrote lotion letters on their backs and it tickled. Sweet, sweet memories...

Joyful Fast

2011-01-16T16:26:00.000-06:00

Today's lesson in Relief Society was about Fasting. The first sentence in the manual caught my eye - "What can we do to make fasting a joyful experience?" I've had a conversation with a friend for a while now about joy - that sometimes we (I) make the gospel too hard and suck the joy right out of it. So I have really been noticing the word joy every time I come across it.

I've been to many a lessons on fasting. I've taught the principle. I am not sure that I have ever thought of it as a joyful experience. More like the feeling after completing something really, really hard. Like a huge final exam or running a marathon. An incredible feeling after it is over. So glad that I did it, but glad to have some time before doing it again. Yet, I have had some very sacred experiences with fasting. I always feel so incredibly close to the Savior during a fast, especially the last couple of hours. I want to want that feeling. I want to look forward to fasting and have the entire experience be joyful. So, I started to brainstorm...

Preparation-
*Saturday - use it! I would like to put Sunday dinner in the crockpot (in the fridge) or have it sitting in the freezer so that I don't have to cook a lot when I am fasting and I can instead read my scriptures. Also, make sure I have everything on hand for the next day so that it is a special day. I would like to clean my kitchen after the Saturday lunch meal and mop my floor so my kitchen smells clean!

*Decor - I want to frame a cool picture & quote and put it on an easel on my kitchen counter to remind us it is fast sunday. Maybe another one for the fridge. Light some candles. Write a message to my family on the white board or leave a question that all can respond too.

*Music - I am spending some time this afternoon to make a Fast Sunday playlist of my favorite hymns/music. Something extra special for just that one Sunday a month.

*Different Day - These are some ideas I came up with to make it a special day.
Listen to John Bytheway talks, an LDS movie, Conference or devotional talks.
China Dishes - we used to do this and loved it. I think I will bring it back.
Make homemade bread - I have a super easy bread recipe. I love the idea of having fresh, homemade bread on Fast Sundays. And I love how it ties into fasting.
Service - My bread recipe makes 4 loaves. I love the idea of taking 2 or 3 loaves and delivering them to others in the evening of Fast Sunday. If not bread, maybe some cookies. Or make some cards and drop them off.
Sweet Treat - have a traditional family treat on fast sundays. Something super easy and fun to have after deliveries.

*Remember - We have a Christmas Gratitude Journal that we have had since Tim & I got married. Each year, everyone with us on Christmas writes some thoughts down. I think it would be great to start a Fasting Journal to record our fasts and impressions. Maybe to include our testimonies. What a treasure that would be in a few years!

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Please feel free to add any to my brainstorm. I really want to work on making this day each month a truly joyful experience to be cherished and remembered.

I've shared the first before, but I really love these slideshows. I love how many times Christ is joyful. Enjoy!
Julie

Thoughts and Convictions

2011-01-15T14:17:00.002-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was driving home from dropping off Ryan at visitation. Often I will turn off the music and just think for the hour and a half drive home. My thoughts turned to Molly and Vic Jackson and their sweet Lucy who passed away after choking on a bit of apple almost two years ago. I've followed their journey of grief, my own grief often paralleling theirs. My mind thumbed through the events, pictures, posts and emotions they have shared and I began to pray for them while silent tears slipped down my face. Sometimes life is just so hard. The next day I opened my reader and found this post from Molly. And again, I felt a twinge of similarity. First, I was grateful that I had heard the whisperings of the spirit and been thinking of their family at a time of unbelievable hurt. Many times I feel like I live in my own world, impervious to the spirit and others around me. Second, was the feeling of "yes, that". I haven't posted much of my writing lately for a variety of reasons. One is that it has all been said and what good comes from re-hashing the same hurt? The pain of it all has subsided to an ache most of the time. Except those times when it catches me unawares and feels like it was yesterday. When does life move on? Will I always be caught stranded in this no-man's land of divorce?

It is interesting that my feelings about marriage are so incredible strong, much stronger than when I was married. Why is it that it has taken a divorce for me to begin to understand what marriage is? I know that everyone has their struggles but I really want to hurt people when they complain about their spouse, trivialize their marriage, make mountains out of inconsequencials, and completely miss the miraculous blessings of their marriages. I seriously can't trust myself to speak. Partly because whatever I say will be too harsh. Partly because I will cry and that will shift the focus off the importance of my words to an unwanted pity for me. Partly because they have to feel the truth for themselves.

So what is it exactly that I ache for? (These are in no particular order and some are things I did not have in my marriage but I truly, deeply feel are a part of marriage)
*Testimony
*Faith and Trust
*Prayer- I miss praying for a spouse, I miss hearing prayers, I miss praying together
*Priesthood- I wish I could express how much I have missed this.
*Pillow talk
*Status checks - phone and life.
*Shared History and memories
*Shared address book - someone who knows everyone I know.
*Touch
*Scriptures
*Partner - parenting, financial, spiritual, vacation, goal, dream, fitness, us against the world
*Plans - dreams, vacation, goals
*Laughter - a shared sense of humor
*Going to the temple together
*Pictures - I am the one taking the pictures which means I am now not recorded in pictures so much. Most of my pics are all the weird self portrait angle now.
*How do I look? - I miss someone to zip me up, fasten my bracelet, tell me my slip is showing, give final approval before I walk out the door.
*Cooking - I really don't cook for one and it is hard to even cook for two.
*Homemaking - I didn't realize how many things I did to create a home for Tim and our kids - made beds, ironing, FHE, music, meals, gardening, decorating, reading together, traditions, bargain shopping, budgeting, yard work, home remodeling. It is a full time job and I miss it.
*Intimacy
*Discussions
*Service
*Dates - dressing up for someone special. Being with someone who thinks you are special.
*Talking about the Priesthood and Relief Society lessons from church. And the priesthood session of conference
*Talking period. Sometimes I go days without speaking out loud.
*Road trips and drives
*A not aloneness - someone else is there.
*Respect - a likemindedness, someone who respects my opinions and goals.
*Working together
*Walks
*Sense of Family - a feeling of purpose, permanence, building, bonding, belonging, the sense of eternity.

I went to a Relief Society meeting this past week and took away a few thoughts. It was brought up that most of us, if not all, will have times in our lives where we are alone. It was comforting to think that these lessons, aching, missing, is part of the plan and universal.

It was also brought up that marriage doesn't complete us. I understand what they were saying, but I disagree. Or maybe just see it differently. I have seen tons of photo tutorials in blogland lately. They will have a before pic. straight from the camera and then a second with altered focus, different lens, lightning, or enhancements. The subject didn't change. The subject is complete by themselves. But the different lens or lighting or whatever, makes the pictures STUNNING. That is kind of how I see marriage. Yes, I am 'complete' by myself but marriage changes the light and focus just enough to make an ordinary Julie sparkle, shine, vibrant, and beautiful.

I realize that I have little worldly credibility to say anything about marriage. I failed at mine. While I have never seen Christ, I know that he is real. I may not have worldly credentials or years of success but I do know what marriage is. I cherish it, long for it, respect it and will fight for it. I am not ashamed to say I desire it - does that make me desperate or real?

So why haven't I blogged much lately? Partly because I can't find my camera recharger and I would really like to post some pics with my posts and my battery is dead. Partly because I am still aching and I know most of you want/need for me to move on already. Believe me I would like to. Partly because I am stuck. I feel very much like a huge chunk of clay that Heavenly Father is molding into something. I've given up telling him what I want to turn into and I've ceased to ask questions, why this and why that. Right now, I just feel like I am observing his work - watching chunks of myself shaved off here and there, feeling his fingers push and press. It is kind of an out of body experience as I see bits of myself shaved off - kind of like "Oh, I thought I needed that and there it goes." Have you ever watched an artist or sculpturist work? They do things that don't make any sense to me because I don't have the vision. I can't see what they see. That is how I feel about my life right now. I still can't see what he is creating. I do feel like he has rebuilt my frame from the strongest iron. I feel like some of my frame was already strong - my testimony, my mission, my childhood, but I definitely feel like the marriage framework was very weak. I feel like he has ripped it out and rebuilt my spine.

I challenge each of you to straighten your marriage spine. When you finish reading this post, go and do something to let your spouse know you cherish them. A note, a service, a kind word, plan ahead for time alone. Say a quick prayer of gratitude for your marriage. And those of us who are recording our life straight from the camera, we can define marriage. We can understand marriage. We can fight for marriage. We can trust.

Ryanism

2010-12-27T00:15:00.000-06:00

So the other day Ry said the word 'suck' about 3 times. I made a comment that we do not use that word around here and he was definitely old enough to come up with a better word. He acted like he didn't hear me but about 5 mins. later I heard him say, "Man! That really vacuums!"
Works for me.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-27T00:12:00.000-06:00

Ryan and I celebrated Christmas a day early as he was going to Tim's on the 24th. We had our Bethlehem dinner on Christmas eve - lentils, chicken, pita bread, hard boiled eggs, olives, and orange slices. It really is my favorite part of the season. We eat from wooden bowls with our fingers sitting on the floor with candle light and the Christmas tree lights. Afterward we watched The Nativity and then read the story from the scriptures. I always feel so peaceful on Christmas Eve.

Ry is getting older - he slept in until 7:30! We have had a tradition for years of me writing him a letter and leaving it in his stocking. Imagine my surprise when I found a letter from him in my stocking. It was the best gift.

Christmas is pretty simple here - only two of us and we have simplified to 3 gifts and the stockings. Ryan got new boots which he loves, an art set w/ a sketch pad, and his dog Indy from me. Indy is a 3 month old puppy (basset hound/beagle mix) She is dang cute which is her saving grace while we continue to potty train. He also got a watch, some jerky and a Calvin and Hobbes book. When he saw the book he said, "Hey! Now I'll get my 30 mins. of reading done!"

We went to breakfast at our friends, Howard and Cheri's home and then to the movies to see Tron. I am averaging taking him to the movies about once per year or once per 18 months. Afterward, I took him to meet Tim.

Christmas day for me was a bit strange - I felt like I had time traveled a day ahead of everyone else. It didn't really feel like Christmas because it felt like Christmas the day before. I spent the day sleeping, talking to family and visiting friends.

I hope you all had a safe and loving holiday!

Born in My Heart

2010-11-07T16:43:00.001-06:00

My home growing up was always filled with kids. When I was little, my parents were foster parents to older kids. I especially remember worshiping my foster sister Tracy. I followed her everywhere and thought her platform heels were the coolest thing on the planet. I remember her long hair and how beautiful I thought she was. She left our family suddenly but would call us collect for years after. When we moved, the calls finally stopped. Tracy doesn't know that my littlest sister is, in part, named for her. She doesn't know that my mom and I talked about her the month my mom passed away. I don't think she knows that she will always be a part of our forever family.

For a few years, Tim and I, had the opportunity to be foster parents. Over those 3 years, 7 children called me mom. One was adopted by her grandma. One went to live with his older sister. One was adopted to a special needs home perfect for him. Two are still in the system last I heard. Two have returned to the biological mother. While I loved all, four were kiddos that I knew were not mine. I relate a lot to the song - "From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours" with these four. I know I was just a vehicle to get them to the arms waiting for them.

The other three... well, I'd like to introduce you to my other kids. Recently, I received a note from a friend mentioning that she had only known me post-divorce. As I thought about it, I realized, she didn't know my other kids. She doesn't know such a huge part of my life. I don't talk much about the girls. So many things you can't say when dealing with DHS and so often, there are no words. This blog is a loose chronicle of my life and would be so incomplete without mention of the girls - I still think about daily.

Shelby (the name we were going to give her) was the first. She came to us 10 months old and already walking. She and Ryan worshiped each other. She has straight brown hair that was always getting in her eyes, with just a bit of curl on the ends. She loved to wear her cowboy boots and had very little fear of anything. She liked to snuggle and some of my most cherished memories are of rocking her and Ryan together after baths, reading together the same books over and over. After 8 months, DHS suddenly decided to move her. We were devastated. It was the hardest I've ever seen Tim cry. Our joy knew no bounds when DHS called two days later saying a mistake had been made and could we take her back? She was so cute when she came home - she ran to her bed and dived in and covered up. She wouldn't get out for the longest time, instead just snuggled in and pretended to sleep. Some months later, the judge decided that she was to live with her grandmother. Walking away from her while she screamed, "Mama, Mama, Mama" at the airport was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

It took me over a year to finish her scrapbook and mail it to her grandma. I have talked to her on the phone some and her grandma sent me her handprint. She should be in 2nd grade now. I wonder if I would recognize her? I haven't talked to her or her grandma since the divorce - it has only been recently I could even choke out the word divorced, so they do not know. I don't know if I will ever call again or if I will just visit the memories once in a while.

My other two girls - Shaye and Dayna (as we wanted to name them), were like twins. Born 51 weeks apart, Shaye is small for her age and Dayna is larger for hers. Shaye is quiet and more serious but look out when she smiles! She has a million watt smile that makes you smile. Dayna has beautiful green/light hazel eyes which are stunning with her dark skin. More than the color, the mischievous twinkle will make you laugh every time. Both of them are so cute they make your heart hurt.

They were bitty when they came to us - almost 1 and almost 2. I learned how to braid hair as we spent every Sunday afternoon braiding. I learned the value of good lotion and created sweet memories making lotion letters on the kids' backs after bath time. Again, the girls worshiped Ryan. They would build the most elaborate forts and pirate ships in the living room, complete with all the necessary clothing and equipment. The girls loved being first mate to his Captain.

Once the girls got into a left over tube of diaper creme. When I found them, they were completely white from head to toe as well as the leather couch. They left little white footprint on the carpet as we headed to the tub. I wish I had taken a picture.

Other funny memories -
Soon after they arrived, Shaye was brushing my hair for me. Suddenly she said, "Mama, your hair nappy." I laughed and laughed. I have never used that word before so I don't know where she heard it, but it sure was hysterical.

Dayna was pretty emphatic about her opinion of broccoli the first time I put it on her plate. She looked at it for a long moment and then put it in her mouth. She promptly took it back out again and set it carefully on her plate and said, "That be nasty." We laughed and laughed. We still use that phrase.

Another thing I loved about these girls is how they helped tear down walls and build bridges. Once, when we were shopping at Ross, a little girl, maybe 6, started talking to the girls. She kept looking at them and then at me, and then back to them while her mom and I visited. Suddenly she asked me if I was their mama. I said that I was. She looked at me incredulously. "But lady... they are brown!" "Why yes, they are", I replied trying to swallow my laughter. The other mother was mortified and hurried her daughter away amid apologies. I loved how strangers who would have never approached me, suddenly struck up conversations. I loved how I reached out to others to get help, especially when I was trying to figure out their hair. I loved that the walls between us melted a bit. The girls created a common ground.

We were going to adopt the girls. We went to the termination hearing with our adoptive file in hand and the recommendation of DHS. Twenty minutes later I walked out of the court room stunned. The DA reversed positions and the girls were headed toward home. More stunning to me, was my calm in court and the words that came from my mouth but not my head or heart as I recommended they go to an aunt first to rally family support to the mother. The court listened and two weeks later, I said good-bye to them. Four weeks later, I understood why the Lord kept them from my arms - Tim filed for divorce. There was a peace for me about the girls. I knew they were safe. I knew they were loved. I knew the Lord loved them more than I did and I trusted he would care for them. I begged him to keep them in the hallow of his hand. Actually, I still do.

Soon after we arrived in Oklahoma, we discovered that our last chance with medical insurance of having another baby had failed. It was one of my darker days. That weekend I went yard sale-ing and found this print -

Mary Cassatt

I fell in love with it and paid $7.00 for it. Ironically, the girl you can see looks exactly like Shelby. Seeing the two girls together, reminds me of Shaye and Dayna. I see the print daily and think of each of my girls.

Many have said to me that they could never do what we did. That fostering is too hard. I agree. I didn't do it by myself. I have felt the Lord beside me every step, every joy, every heartache along the way. I know the Savior in a way I had never understood before fostering. I believe with all of my heart that I made covenants with these beautiful kids to be there when they needed me. I believe I will see them again. I will squeeze them and laugh with them and introduce them to each other. I will always love them. They are the children born in my heart, forever mine.

November is National Adoption month. I have never adopted or given away a child. I do know this - Children are to be cherished. Fostering, adopting, they are both about LOVE.

From a Pint Size Perspective

2010-10-31T08:47:00.000-05:00

One of the advantages of my job is hearing things from kids perspective almost daily. The following two happened this week:

One boy looked right at me and in perfect English said, "I only speak Spanish."

One day this week, I ended up on the playground with just my own students for a bit of time. I started swinging with some of the kids and they started talking. I've noticed that many times kids this age (8-10) will bring up religion on their own. They are curious or want to share what have learned and it is very interesting to 'see' from their perspective. One little guy shared with me as we were swinging that his previous church (they just moved to the area) had showed him a picture of God. "Did you know Ms. Mills, that they took God and put him on a plus sign and put thumbtacks in his hands and feet?"

Nauvoo, Sunday, July 4

2010-10-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

Sun. July 4

A day of rest! We slept in and it was wonderful. When I did wake up, I spent a couple of hours recording these memories in my journal and then leisurely got ready for church. Today was Fast and testimony meeting – I loved seeing the chapel and overflow areas filled to overflowing. I loved how the members of the Nauvoo ward welcomed us with outstretched arms even though we are so many. There was such a feeling of welcome, joy, and excitement. The testimonies were sweet and tender, powerful and uplifting. One of those meetings that could go on for hours until everyone had a chance to share. But it didn’t. The Sunday School lesson was on David and Bathsheba’s story – again, I wished that the lesson could go on. So many made brief comments that I would like to have followed up on. The Relief Society lesson was on mercy and the atonement. A few sisters shared some personal experiences where they felt the tender mercies of the Lord. My step- mom Sandy said that it was one of the best Relief Society meetings she had ever attended. I concur.

The core cast has another show that they do as an outreach to the outlying communities. Each Sunday they travel a few hours and share the show – “Our Story Goes On”. The very first Sunday in July they perform the show in Nauvoo. Tonight it was held in the outdoor theater and it was wonderful. It is a sweet show of the circle of life and love. Afterward, I visited with a few people and then spent some time alone. Ryan went with the Birdsalls and I took the time to walk through the Relief Society Gardens. The Relief Society gardens are one of my favorite places in Nauvoo. The gardens have circle paths surrounded by tall trees making them private and secluded from the bustle of life. There are a dozen or so bronze life size sculptures reflecting women and their lives. Late at night, all of the sculptures were lit and the gardens deserted. I walked from bronze to bronze, touching them, learning from them, applying them to my life. I could have stayed forever soaking up the beauty of the night, the smell of the flowers and summer evening, the faint sounds of life drifting by on the breeze.

Photo Credit

I ended the evening by meeting up with Ryan and the Birdsall family where Parley Street meets the Mississippi as we watched the fireworks from two cities across the river. As good as the fireworks were, they could match the magnificent lighting show that we could see in the distance.

The Dripping of the Sponge

2010-10-02T08:21:00.000-05:00

They say that kids are sponges and absorb everything around them. Case in point: The other day one of the teachers heard the students talking about a game their were playing at recess. None of us had ever heard of it before, so we made a point to observe and learn the rules. What is it you ask? Border Patrol Tag.

The participants are divided up into two groups, Border Patrol and Wetbacks. The goal for the Wetbacks is to get to the safety zone behind the border patrol. The Border Patrol team shout "Get back! Get back!" and can tag the Wetbacks as they are running toward the safety zone. Once tagged, the Wetbacks have to put their hands behind their back and are escorted to a tagged zone. Any Wetback that has made it to the safety zone can come back into the game and free Wetbacks from the tagged zone and then both try to make it the safety zone.

Never say that recess is not educational. It is when we fit in current events...

The Rest of the Story

2010-10-02T08:07:00.000-05:00

After reading my friend Kim's comment on my previous post, I asked Ryan a bit more about the "say ur prayers" message on his cell phone. Turns out that the YM first counselor/Scoutmaster mentioned it to the boys and they took him up on the idea and programed the message into their phones. I am profoundly grateful for inspired leaders who love my son. My mother's heart is so grateful when they can see past his 12 yr. old antics and love the young man that I know. Especially since the divorce, I pray for the men in Ryan's life almost daily, that the Lord will provide the inspired testimonies to be the second witness now missing in his life.

For all of you working with youth, Thank you! Thank you for making choices to keep the spirit close and for following promptings. Thank you for your testimonies in action. Thank you for loving kids not your own.
A Grateful Mother

2010-09-29T23:37:00.000-05:00

I so need to be correcting papers right now or writing my class newsletter or drafting lesson plans for next week or watching the training video on the new reading program or... well you get the idea. Instead, I need to take a minute and record a couple of precious moments.

I have been getting up early this school year and the other day happened to be in the living room when Ryan's cell phone alarm went off. I picked it up to turn it off and saw this message - "say ur prayers". My eyes misted a bit as humility and gratitude for this kiddo washed over me. He is so much stronger in the gospel than I ever was at 12. Sometimes I forget his age and expect his testimony and decisions to be that of a mature 30 something. I forget his faith, his understanding beyond his years, his genuine goodness, his desire to be good. I am so grateful for his example to me.

Tonight I watched a friends kids for an hour. I love these kids. They have been a tremendous blessing in my life. They will never know how much good they do with their conversations and wisdoms, their butterfly kisses and lightning quick hugs, their acceptance and love. And I am truly grateful to my friends who let me love their kids. Thank you.

I love being a teacher. I love being a bilingual teacher in a school almost 50% hispanic and a class 80% hispanic. My kids are amazing. I wish I could tell you all of the sweet, wonderful things they do everyday. Or the ways they make me laugh. Or the ways they achieve things I was told by more experienced teachers our students wouldn't and couldn't do. I don't know how long I will stay in teaching but I am forever grateful for the blessing.

Rumor Has It I Have Moved

2010-09-14T00:56:00.000-05:00

Sunday, a sweet older sister asked me, "Julie, where did you move to?" A bit confused, I said I hadn't moved, I was in the same house I moved into 2 1/2 years ago. A few minutes later I asked her why she thought I had moved. She flushed a bit and said, "well, I drove by your house and saw how tall the grass and weeds were and I thought you had moved."

Where are all the emo-icons for this - embarrassed, roll eyes, sigh, smile, cry...

Book Reviews

2010-09-09T19:57:00.000-05:00

Alliance by Gerald Lund
Good, easy read. Great book for family discussions about agency and why it is a gift. I've added it to my "Agency - Must Reads" list (along with Ella Enchanted and Tuck Everlasting) that are great for reading with kids 10ish +. I had to buy this book online as I couldn't find it at the library or even at the church bookstore.

The Hobbit by JR Tolkein
I finally read this classic! I enjoyed this book, especially Bilbo. I love how he is a average hobbit and how he changes over the course of the book. I especially loved Gandalf and how everything he shares about the future is vague and subject to personal agency. My favorite part is when Bilboa faces the dragon in the castle. I did enjoy this book and I am glad that I have read it, but I was ready for it to move along. Excellent writing, I just wanted to get to the conflict a bit faster.

Sarah's Quilt by Nancy Turner
Sequel to "These is My Words". I loved rejoining Sarah's life again. The first book takes place over 20 years. This one takes place within a year or two which in my opinion is its major weakness - it looses a bit of credibility. I appreciated the story, especially Sarah's journey through grief and learning to move on again. I always learn from Sarah. Enjoyed the book, glad I bought it to re-read at times, loved the first one more and am looking forward reading the next one in the series.

The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
Ryan and I listened to this one on cd. Ryan was funny - at first I had to make him listen to it but by the end, he was begging to finish. We both enjoyed it. Great fantasy read, especially for boys. We watched the movie after and like most, the book is WAY better. The movie is fine, it just doesn't compare to the book.

If I only didn't need to sleep...

2010-09-09T06:18:00.000-05:00

I might be able to get everything done. And it is highly frustrating to finally lay down in bed knowing the alarm will go off in 4 hours, feeling exhausted, yet not being able to actually fall asleep.

Had to's vs. Got to's

2010-09-08T01:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry I've been gone lately. Not that I am under the delusion that many are waiting with baited breath for my every post, but I do feel like I left Nauvoo hanging out there. I actually have a ton of posts written waiting for me to attach pictures and post. Soon, I promise.

I just wrote a long post on all of the things I had to do today. At the end, I thought what a wonderful list of got to do things. Here is the re-vamped list~

*I watched my tween stumble to the bathroom trying to wake up this morning.
*I had an awesome family prayer this morning
*I taught kiddos all day long. I laughed. I read Beatrix Potter's "Jemima Puddle Duck" to them.
*I spoke Spanish today
*I watched Ryan play football
*I stood up for myself in a conversation
*I cooked dinner - huge feat on a school night! ;)
*I watched a movie
*I got to be a mom, a sister, a teacher and a friend today.

Not bad.

2010-08-26T07:08:00.000-05:00

Monday, when I got into my car, the temperature gage said 108. Tuesday, when I got into my car, it said 78.

Yes, I slept in sweats Tues. night.

First Day Back

2010-08-20T06:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my school's first day back. It was rough - my roughest one so far. It was more my issue than the group of kids I have. They seem really good and I am looking forward to the year with them. The day felt so disjointed and I was trying to incorporate some of the stuff I learned over the summer that is now required and it just felt awkward. And then two previous students had some major problems getting home. The bus routes have all changed and everything was a mess. Ugh.

I have one kiddo who doesn't speak a lick of English. I had the class fill out a form about last year, the good and the bad to prep for a goal activity for today. I translated it for kiddo and he was so funny. On the question - "What is one thing you would change about last year", he wrote I wish they had taught me English. :) I did have him logged on to the computers and working on some English programs before lunch. That is huge because in past years it has taken me a month or two to even get my computers up and running.

I get so emotionally vested with my students. I truly love them all so much. It was a great day to see so many of them come find me - even ones who are now in 5th grade. I end up being an advocate for so many of them, even after they leave my class.

I was absolutely exhausted after school. I had to drive to pick up Ryan from Tim and I was so tired I had to stop at a rest stop and sleep for 20 mins. We came home and both crashed.

But I am feeling much better this morning. I love my kids, I love teaching, and I am looking forward to today.

Only Me

2010-08-18T07:15:00.000-05:00

I am the only person on the planet that can give myself a goose egg loading a case of copy paper onto a dolly.

Lots of long days at school right now. Meetings, meetings and more meetings liberally peppered with presentations that I have had to do and long nights getting my classroom ready. But things are looking sooooo much better than they ever have. The peaceful feeling that comes with decluttered, organized, and clean is worth all of the late weekends and nights over the last two years!

Meet the teacher is this afternoon and then school starts tomorrow!

MIA

2010-08-14T19:43:00.000-05:00

I have been too busy living life to sit down and record life lately! I will finish sharing about our trip to Nauvoo and my trip to the beach soon. For now, here is the last few weeks of summer in review:

*walk at the lake - early morning and sunsets
*shopping - school clothes & errands
*yard work - I gathered a colander full of tomatoes today!
*lemonade stand
*swimming, swimming, and more swimming
*crafts (post coming soon)
*library, books, and books on CD (reviews coming soon)
*sand castles (recipe coming soon)
*Court of Honor (Ry is now a 1st Class Scout)
*movies
*sleeping in
*homecooked food
*phone calls to sisters
*late night talks with friends
*Ice Cream (post coming soon)

It has been a bit warm here lately. Don't you love how books stay with you forever? I keep remembering the description of the first week of August from "Tuck Everlasting" and the descriptions of the southern summer heat in "To Kill a Mockingbird"- I have felt like melted frosting a few times lately. Love both books and if you don't know what I am talking about read these books! Both are excellent August books.

Take a few minutes to soak up the sun, enjoy the sunsets, and swim until you shrivel.
Love~
Julie

Nine years ago today

2010-07-26T17:50:00.000-05:00

View from Mom's grave

I said "Goodbye, I love you and I will see you when I get back" to my mom for the last time on earth. We were living with my parents at the time. Tim had taken the Oregon bar exam the day before and I was knee deep in Cub Scout Day camp. My dad happened to be home that Thurs. which was such a sweet blessing as he spent the day sitting next to my mom in the hospital as they both dozed holding hands while she got two blood transfusions. We all met up at the house about the same time and figured out the evening. She looked good - the blood transfusion had put some color in her cheeks. I hooked her up to the dialysis machine and said my quick good bye before rushing out the door to drop Ryan off with a sitter and have an anniversary dinner with Tim. A bit after dinner my cell rang. It was my dad.

The next few days and weeks are to tender and sacred to write about, even now nine years later. Maybe next year. I miss her now more than I did then. I feel her closer now than I did then. I understand her more now than I did then. I love her more now than I did then.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

Forever and ever,

Your kiddo I'll be.

I love you Mom.

Julie

Tender Moments

2010-07-25T04:57:00.000-05:00

Sat. July 3

Today we met at 8:00 to fine tune a d few spots and run through the show. I must say the weather has been beautiful! With a faint breeze to cool off the sweat. J Joseph Smith calls Nauvoo “the loveliest place on earth” and I couldn’t agree more.

We broke for lunch at noon and they cancelled the afternoon rehearsal! We spent the afternoon relaxing at the lodge – I slept while Ryan and Heather watched “Flywheel”. After the movie, we went to Nauvoo Suites where the kids met up with the Marshalls and the Birdsalls and went swimming. Since there isn’t a public pool in town, Nauvoo Inn & Suites opens their indoor pool to the public. It was wonderful! Best $2.00 I’ve spent. Ryan and Heather had a ton of fun and I spent an hour browsing their very fun gift shop and reading books.

Tonight was our first dress rehearsal. It took some time to get my hair done and get all our layers on. I am using compression nylons to keep the swelling out of my ankles – the angled stage is murder on ankles. So today’s current layers – compression nylons, socks, bloomers, petticoat, skirt, double bodice, shawl and bonnet. We met in the grove next to the stage and it was so cool to see everyone gather. It felt like I traveled back in time just a bit. We spent some times talking about the gathering of the saints then and today, then broke into districts to discuss some goals for the show dress rehearsal. And then with the sound of the bagpipes fading, we ran the pageant.

Ryan

We had an audience of 50-75 people which really made it feel real. The show went well – we had to stop once to fix a couple of lighting cues. I missed the King Follett funeral scene because I was changing clothes. Ryan has to change pants then as well so we were still buttoning his suspenders as we went on. I am going to look over the blocking book and figure out a better way to make that work. We weren’t the only ones working out kinks – Charles Makepeace had some costuming problems and didn’t make is entrance. King Follett and the men/boys on stage that are digging the well and ditches just kept digging. We all joked how the well just about got finished on stage tonight.

One of the core cast ( Charles Makepeace) had some problems with his costumes (couldn’t find his clothes). The re;ult, king Follett and the men and boys digging the ditches ened up dinging for a long time. They just kept digging while people were helping Makepeace backstghe. ON stage, King is digging a well. The joke is that he just about finished the well!

After the rehearsal, we sat on the stage and talked about the great moments and how it felt, what we learned, what touched us. The new Artistic Director is Paul Walstad. He has played Parley P. Pratt in the pageant for the last 5 years and tonight was the first time that he has every seen the pageant with lights, props, sound, costumes, from the audience. He wept. This pageant is so filled with the spirit. We shared some tender & fun moments together. We were all hot, sweaty, tired, but oh so full of joy, love and laughter.

Afterward, I went to talk to the audience – most of them stayed during our post show meeting and wanted to talk to us. We talked of the power of the pageant and the feelings. Everyone I spoke to after the show was touched by something in the show. Many are touched by the little, unscripted things. I talked with a former core cast member from last year who had never seen the show before from the audience. She talked about how she teared up seeing a little 4 yr. old boy carrying a mallet to work on the temple.

A few special moments for me – backstage each district has a circle of chairs they can leave coolers gather when they are not on stage. I took a few minutes in the show tonight to sit in our district circle by myself. I could see a million stars above and see so many people that I loved around me all while listening to the pageant continue on. I spent some time thinking and talking with Heavenly Father. So peaceful. So assuring. So strengthening.

backstage

backrubs

Another moment was the Relief Society scene. I am a part of women who are gathered sewing shirts for the men building the temple. Tonight Sherri Birdsall and I visited. Her mom passed away 4 years ago, mine 8 years ago. We shared how we both felt them so near us during the pageant. The veil feels so very thin here. Both of us teared up and shared such a real, tender moment together. The pageant is not acted – it is real. The relationships are real and the friendships are forever.

Relief Society sewing shirts. I am second from right and Sherri is far right. We are watching Joseph Smith play stickball with the children.

We left some time around 11:00 and went to Annie’s Frozen Custard. Other cast and crew were there and I had an opportunity to visit with Chuck and Jennifer Baker. Chuck is the band director. He shared some of the miracles that brought him to the pageant 5 years ago. You definitely gain a testimony of the hand of the Lord in this work. Every person here has a story of how the Lord brought them here and provided for them. Individually, they are touching stories but collectively, they are a monumental testimony of the power and love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

And the last moment of the night – we drove past the stage on the way home tonight a while past midnight. Again, my heart was touched to see the core cast, directors, lighting and sound crews all going strong perfecting the sound and lighting. Once again, a tender witness of the dedication of the saints when building something for our God.

Goodnight ~

Mission Language

2010-07-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

Fri. July 2, 2010

I slept in until 7:00 today! Nauvoo has a lot of late nights and early mornings for sure. We met in the grove next to the pageant stage at 9:00 and talked about the language of our mission. We read from Preach My Gospel and talked about how everyone will hear the gospel in their language. Then we discussed the language of our mission – how we communicate through our bodies. We discussed the amazing gift our bodies are and the many miracles that they can do and how that gift is to be treasured, appreciated and embraced. We shared how our bodies can be a blessing and how to move with joy. I thought of stretching and extending myself – physically and spiritually. I have always loved Willowtree sculptures and bought myself one a year ago. This week I bought this beautiful angel –

I love the extension, the joy, the embracing of life. Interestingly enough, she is entitled “Courage” which made me think of Nauvoo as well. How much courage it took for me to apply and come by myself with Ryan, how much courage it has taken to walk the single life road again, how much courage it takes to share the gospel with others and even more to ask for a referral. This angel will always remind me of Nauvoo and the many lessons I have learned here.

At 10 we met in our districts and discussed setting goals and our plans to reach our goals. I loved sharing together. I have really missed like-minded goals and discussion and felt like I was soaking it up.

Ryan paying attention in district meeting. He keeps telling me that he listens better if he is doing something. Right. :)

After district meeting, we ran the show again, practicing our mission language. Amazing the difference it makes in communication when you can’t speak and have to find other means to communicate. I feel my testimony in a different way. It has made me think a lot of how I can use my body to share my testimony. How I carry myself, express myself. It has given me much to ponder.

Alex leading the mission language discussion.

After the run through, I ran to Keokuk to the Walmart to pick up a couple of things. Adam Bohl is the work crew young man in our district and it is his birthday today – he is 23! Everyone signed a card for him and we got him a tie tack of the Nauvoo temple. One of my keepsake memories is walking past the backstage a while after we gave it to him and seeing him in all of his harness (he works the light towers) sitting on a pioneer trunk reading everyone’s comments. It struck me – the little things in life do matter.

Upon my return from Keokuk, I ran to the gym (and AC – yeah!) for our afternoon rehearsal. Today was the Powerpoint run through – where we sat in the gym and ran through the entire show in a power point presentation with our individual blocking books. We were able to discuss problems – entrances, exits, props, bottlenecks, and find solutions together. A couple of things about this- first, I love that everyone kept the challenges to themselves until we sat down to work it out together. No one brought it up in the middle of a run through but waited until we could all sit down together to work out the kinks. Secondly, I loved how every problem was phrased with a solution attached and that all were open to helping each other. People were constantly volunteering their efforts to make the way smoother for another. There were no accusations, only solutions. Loved it.

Youth playing Kung Fu - ask Ryan how. They played it a lot both years now.

Susie Geersen, the costume director, talked to us about how to wear our costumes after the powerpoint run through. The costuming dept. of Nauvoo really underscore so many of the lessons taught in this experience. Amazing attention to detail. Again, the little things matter. Not only do they outfit all of us in costumes, we all have multiple costumes. We start the pageant in our darkest costumes and through out the show change one piece at a time until we are in our lightest costume at the end. And each of us have varying degrees of dark to light. Why? Why go to so much work for something that most will never ‘see’ in the show? The costuming is symbolic of the sanctification of the saints. That is amazing to me. We share our testimonies even in our clothing. I appreciate the layers of the gospel, the layers of refinement as I added and stripped various layers of costumes. Occasionally, someone will comment on how the lights get brighter at the end of the show. They don’t. They intensity of lighting never changes throughout the show. It is each individual person loosing their dark layers and putting on their lighter layers. The sanctification of the saints. The sanctification of each individual.

We had a longer dinner break as they wanted us to run the pageant in real time which meant that we had to be at the stage at 7:30 to run the bagpipe parade and then the show at 8:30 with lights and sound. With the break, I ran to the Laundromat and caught up on all of the laundry. Even this turned out to be a lesson for me. There were a few of us from the pageant in the laudromat and a couple of others. Suddenly, I realized how easy it would be to visit with my pageant friends. We love each other and had much to talk about. But suddenly I remembered that we were set apart at “special witnesses of Christ” and that my purpose was to invite others to come to Christ. I decided to strike up conversations with others in the Laundromat. I met a sister from the Philippines. And a couple moving to Maine. And then I met Laura. Laura and her husband Adalalberto are natives from Mexico but they have lived in Arizona for years and are now moving to Florida. On the way, they decided to detour and see as many church history sites as possible. They have 6 kids – four boys (Helaman, Zenif, Amulek, and Ammon) and two girls (Gwendolyn and Wendy). They toured all the sites in Missouri and then came to Nauvoo. They had a hotel for two nights but then realized that they had miscalculated and were going to miss the pageant. They didn’t have enough money to extend their hotel stay so instead, they let the hotel go, drove to Walmart and bought a pup tent for 4 and a camp stove and were camping 8 days so they could see the pageant. I couldn’t believe it. She wasn’t complaining – she was happily doing laundry for her family of 8, talking about how excited they were to see the pageant. Tears came to my eyes. I realized that not only have the cast made sacrifices to be in a show honoring the sacrifice of the early saints, many of the audience have made great sacrifices to be there as well. It was a tender moment. I hugged her and invited all of them to the run through that night.

We met at 7:30 and practiced the bagpipe parade with the pipers. I LOVE the pipers. They are sweet, wonderful people that work very hard for very little recognition. The play throughout Nauvoo and before every vignette. They play during the Frontier Country Fair and during the pageant. It was so much fun to all walk the parade route behind them and the flags and end up at the stage. I love how the bagpipes sound like so many sounds blended together to create a harmony. I love how they are throughout the entire Nauvoo experience.

We ran the opening (the anthem and prayer) so we could get a feel for the timing and just have a moment of prayer, and then we began our first run through with sound and lights. We had an audience of 30-40. Afterward, some of us went out to talk to the audience and I made friends with two brothers from Arizona. They gave us a referral but we had to search to find anyone with a referral card. What a nice problem to have! I must say that I was following Ryan’s lead. He went out to talk to the audience right after the show and struck up a conversation with them first. I love how kids are great examples of doing the right thing.

I titled this post Mission Language. Today, I have learned so much about the language of disciples of Christ. I've learned how I can use my body and even my clothing to testify of Christ. I have found Christ in the average and mundane, like clothing and laundromats. I've learned of the common language of sacrifice, music, and love. With those thoughts, I leave this quote by Pres. Thomas S. Monson:

"There is one language... that is common to each missionary - the language of the Spirit. It is not learned from textbooks written by men of letters, nor is it acquired through reading and memorization. The language of the Spirit comes to him who seeks with all his heart to know God and keep His divine commandments. Proficiency in this language permits one to breach barriers, overcome obstacles, and touch the human heart."

Zion

2010-07-13T13:39:00.000-05:00

July 1

This morning began at 7a.m. for all of the men as they learned how to build the temple on set. The rest of us met them at 8a.m. where we spent the morning fine-tuning scenes and dances. At 10a.m. we had district meetings in the grove. Today we discussed serving each other, what that looks like and how we can be more observant of serving opportunities. Also, the importance of attitude – it makes all of the difference. It is Heather’s Birthday, so Dad and Sandy brought tons of cookies and we handed out cookies to everyone and sang to her.

After District meeting, we ran through the entire show. It was wonderful! So many mistakes! One thing I have learned in this experience and that we talk about often is that Zion is not the perfect in heart, rather Zion is the pure in heart. Zion has mistakes but Zion has such a wonderful, sweet, pure joy – a pure heart. As we have learned this show, there has been so much laughter, so many dear friendships. So much love.

This is my second year in the pageant and both years have been incredible experiences. I truly feel like I’ve seen Zion – I know what it looks like, feels like, sounds like. It tastes good. I’ve thought a lot about what makes this experience so good, so wonderful. I’ve come up with a few elements or principles that have contributed to the making of this experience.

Family – Family is always first priority in the pageant. First of all, we experience this as a family, which is rare. I know one family applied for pageant a second year because one of their sons was on a mission the first year and they felt so strongly that the pageant was such a huge experience for their family that they had to do it a second time so that he could experience it. Secondly, parents are requested to take care of the family first ALWAYS. The directors not only do not mind if you need to miss a rehearsal or cue to take care of your family, they truly want you to care for your family first. As big as this production is, the family always is the first priority. Family support (wonderful women who provide games and activities for the kids) is offered but never required. Lastly, everything we do on stage, we do as families. We stand near each other, dance together, pray together, and testify together. This experience has really taught me how important families are in Zion and to our Heavenly Father. It has taught me how to organize a huge project and still honor individual families.

Douglas family (minus Easton playing at family support). They are blue cast and I was their mentor for the first two days of stage rehearsals.

Family support tent

2. Sacrifice – every one of us has sacrificed to be here. We pay our own way and the sacrifice of time, money and other opportunities truly makes this a special experience. Even if someone offered to pay my way, I don’t think I would accept. Sometimes it is an honor to sacrifice and this is one of those times. There is a lot of sacrifice once we are here as well. Cramped quarters, living out of suitcase for two weeks, disrupted sleep schedules. One brother got up very early to walk the 5 miles into town today to make the 7a.m. rehearsal so that his wife and kids could have the car. Yet, for some reason it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. It feels empowering, strengthening.

nap time in the gym

Genuine Love – I have been amazed at how well the staff, directors and core cast have been at knowing us by name from the very first. We are not just a face, a number or “red cast”. They all know us by name and who our families are from the very first. We are known. There is so much power in knowing someone by name and realizing the many hundreds of people that they are working with each summer, compounds that blessing. In addition to knowing us, I have learned the power of inspiring rather than requiring. I know many will not believe this but in 2 casts, each with over 150 people ages 18 months to very old, with one week to teach an entire 75 mins. show, I have never heard a single negative comment or criticism. Never. All the comments are focused on what we did right and how wonderful that looked. Many times individuals will be highlighted to share something they did particularly well and by the end of the pageant, all will have been highlighted. Everything is framed in how we can help each other, support each other, lift each other. We are constantly invited to stretch ourselves.

Ryan with Lamar Gimmeson & Kimball Leavitt

We took a break for lunch and returned to the stage at 2p.m. where we ran through the dances. Because of the heat, we finished early and had a bit more time for dinner which was great for us as we had invited the Strickland family over for dinner. We grilled hamburgers and hotdogs with apples and carmel dip and ice cream for desert. They have 4 kids and we had a great time talking, laughing, and playing together.

After dinner we returned to the stage for an evening rehearsal which felt so much cooler compared to the afternoon rehearsal! We spent the evening rehearsal fine tuning building the city and then ran a full run through. It was so much fun. Much laughter. Even more love.

Of Prophets, Temples and Testimonies

2010-07-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

Wed. June 30

The temple as seen from the stage

It is getting harder to accurately express our pageant life. Today started at 8:00a.m. at the stage as we learned more blocking. I don’t even remember which scenes – morning feels so long ago.

This afternoon was something exceptional. We spent an hour and a half reviewing the music of the pageant with Bro. Brad Thompson. He is amazing. First, we would sing a song and we sounded much like a fairly decent ward choir. Then he would ask us what thoughts we had about the song, experiences relating to that subject, how those emotions look like and sound like. He asked us the purpose each hymns – why was this hymn chosen? Why was this verse chosen? What is going on while we are singing? Our sharing almost became a testimony meeting. And then he would say, “O.K. Let’s sing that.” And suddenly that ward choir sounded like angels from above. Every eye was glued to Bro. Thompson’s direction and every cheek wet from the trail of tears.

I am just understanding this but Nauvoo Pageant isn’t about the Pioneers. It is about each one of us. Every part of the pageant is our story. Our story of family, love, loss, healing, and joy. It is our testimony of Joseph Smith and the gospel of Jesus Christ. As we sing each song, we are thinking of our individual stories, singing our individual stories, not acting the Pioneers’ story.

In the evening, we learned the blocking of the Martyrdom and building the temple scenes. First, they had myself and two others share our feelings from last year as we learned this part of the show. We each talked about the powerful witness we each felt that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet of God. Then, without any instruction, we ran the scene. As we formed the walls of the jail, we stood as silent sentinels as Joseph and Hyrum Smith walked to their deaths. The spirit profoundly witnessed that Joseph was a prophet of God. Everyone was silent, even the children. Tears trickled down our cheeks. The Spirit was so thick I felt like I could physically touch it. The moments were powerful ones that I will never forget and forever lean upon.

From the martyrdom, we immediately turn to finishing the temple. The temple on stage is a sacred. It takes all of the men on stage and another 15 young men underneath to build the frame.

Then the sisters bring out the fabric panels that make up the face of the temple. The panels are treated as sacred, partially because of what they represent but also because of the sacrifice and dedication that was given to make them. The following is an article printed in the Ensign about the Nauvoo Temple project.

Nauvoo Temple: One Stitch at a Time

By Karol Jean Kasteler Miller

Late in April 2005, I received a phone call from a friend at Church headquarters, asking if I would like to do a big project: design and sew a 25-by-40-foot fabric representation of the front of the original Nauvoo Temple. It would be used in a new Nauvoo pageant. It was an exciting challenge for which I would use an architectural drawing of the temple as my guide. The deadline to finish the project was in six weeks.

Using the blessing of e-mail, I gathered help from women in my family, lifelong friends, and various stake and ward members. They included local Chinese, Laotian, and Thai sisters. My family garage served as our workshop.

Eighty women helped sew, embroider, crochet, and cross-stitch the panels over 30 days and nights. Ten women sewed the temple tower over the next 10 days and nights. Many supportive family members also helped at home.

Sometimes sisters would clutch their sewing bags and say, “I just don’t want to go. Can I come back tomorrow?” The sisters felt an urgency to complete the sewing so our temple would be built by the deadline. We had one goal in mind—completing the temple in time.

We felt a connection with the building of the original Nauvoo Temple and the early sisters in Nauvoo. As we sewed, we reflected on their tremendous sacrifices. We sensed that we understood in some small way the feelings of those pioneer sisters as they labored hard to assist in completing their temple. We pushed harder.

We felt creative blessings multiply as the project progressed. I was blessed with good health and amazing strength, despite getting very limited sleep during those six weeks. Countless sweet and powerful prayers were offered. We met our goals with grateful hearts. I believe all of us who participated understand more now about consecrating time and talents to the building of the kingdom here on earth, and so much more of the magnitude of the Prophet Joseph Smith’s vision.

Every time we use the panels, they are very carefully folded, placed in special baskets and kept tucked away when not in use. We strive to never let them touch the ground. This year I am a runner that carries the panels past the sisters to the brethren who attach them to the bar that hoist them into place. Last year I was a sister with my arms outstretched keeping the panels from touching the floor. No matter my job, it is such a privilege to build the temple. As the temple goes up, we stand back and gaze at it and every time, the Spirit wells up. Ryan comes over and joins me and some of my best parenting memories are these nights standing together gazing at the temple.

I struggle to express the tender feelings of the day, the many witnesses and confirmations I’ve received, the waves of blessings. In addition to what I have shared, there were so many wonderful conversations, friendships built, laughter, jokes, hugs and joy. My words do not do this experience justice. My pictures cannot record it accurately. I am so grateful to have this experience and wish every person could feel and experience and know what I have felt, experienced and know. My heart is full of the good news of the gospel.

Nauvoo, Day Two (longest post ever)

2010-07-04T13:42:00.000-05:00

Tues. June 29, 2010

This morning started out with a Missionary fireside in the chapel. Many of the most powerful moments of this pageant experience will not have a single picture to record them. This is one such moment. It was inspiring. Edifying. Tender.

The Nauvoo mission president and his wife spoke – Pres. and Sister Ludlow. Sister Ludlow’s talk especially spoke to my heart. She spoke of not postponing joy. How many times do I find myself saying things like, “it will be better when…” or “I’ll be so glad when ______ happens” ? She reminded us that all of us have trials and challenges. Moments that become our story, moments we will remember and tell over and over again with much laughter. Why wait until then to laugh about them? I felt a personal challenge make laughter part of the story in the first moment. Later, the stories will be that much richer as I remember the adversity and the laugher.

The Nauvoo Temple President and his wife also spoke. They spoke of the hand of the Lord in restoring the Nauvoo temple. The Saints were commanded to build a temple and many were hesitant. They had built a temple in Kirkland, Ohio, only be leave it behind as they moved to Missouri. In Missouri, they began two temples only to be driven out. You can imagine their thoughts at the idea of building another temple. But after that initial hesitation, build it they did. They dedicated one day in 10 to the temple quarry or building site. The temple is built on the bluff over looking a large bend of the Mississippi river. Today, the temple is striking. In the 1840’s it was breath taking. Amazing. Stunning, easily the most beautiful edifice along the Mississippi. When the persecution intensified, so did the pace of construction on the temple, until workers were working around the clock to finish it. It became a monument of their faith.

The Saints were forced to abandon their homes, farms, business and most importantly, temple in the winter of 1846. I strongly believe that the memories and covenants of the temple strengthened their shoulders to face the hardships and sacrifices ahead of them. A few years after the Saints left, the temple burned to the ground in an intensely hot fire. A tornado flattened the parts of two walls that were remaining shortly after the fire. The foundation stones remained, sleeping among the grass and weeds for over 100 years. And then the Lord started the work to restore the symbol of testimony of so many. Missionaries unknowingly met up the grandson of William Weeks, the original architect who gave the church the original plans found in an attic. A lithograph was found of the original temple. Through various miracles, the church was able to re-buy the 6 original land parcels. And 150 years after the saints turned their faces West, the announcement came that the temple would be rebuilt. Today, it is 98% exactly as the original.

The Temple Pres. made a comment that Joseph Smith saw the temple finished in a vision. Joseph also knew that the Saint were heading west and had begun plans to take them west. Joseph was murdered before it was finished. The temple Pres. said that he firmly believed that the temple that Joseph saw in the vision was the temple as it is today and that Joseph knew it would be rebuilt. I had never thought of that before.

The music- the fireside opened with the core cast singing to us – it was amazing. It gave me tingles. After a few talks, the work crew – 15 young men ages 16-25 stood together and sang “We are as the Army of Helaman”. The spirit was so strong. Then we came to the final hymn, “I Stand All Amazed”. Brad Thompson, the musical director, came to the microphone and asked us to sing our testimonies, to let our emotions for the atonement be expressed in our singing. Oh I wish I could some how share with you the hymn we sang. Tears poured down my cheeks as we sang our testimonies through that wonderful song. It was beautiful. During the closing prayer, you could hear sniffles throughout the congregation as everyone was deeply moved.

After the fireside, we moved to the grove next to the pageant stage and had a safety meeting. We have a lot of medical ability in our cast, which is always comforting. After the safety meeting, we broke apart into our districts. Our district meeting focused on this quote by Brigham Young:

“If you feel evil, keep it to yourselves until you overcome that evil principle. This is what I call resisting the devil and he flees from me…When you are influenced by the Spirit of holiness and purity, let your light shine; but if you are tried and tempted and buffeted by Satan, keep your thoughts to yourselves – keep your mouths closed; for speaking produces fruit, either of a good or evil character…you frequently hear brethren and sisters say that they feel so tried and tempted, and have so many cares, and are so buffeted, that they must give vent to their feelings; and they yield to the temptation and deal out their unpleasant sensations to their families and neighbors. Make up your minds thoroughly, once and for all, that if we have trials, the Lord has suffered them to be brought upon us, and he will give us the grace to bear them..But if we have light or intelligence – that which will do good, we will impart it…Let that be the determination of the individual, for spirit begets spirit-likeness; feelings beget their likeness…If then we give vent to all our bad feelings disagreeable sensations, how quickly we beget the same in others, and load each other down with our troubles, and become sunk in darkness and despair! …In all your social communications…let all the dark, discontented, murmuring, unhappy, miserable feelings – all the evil fruit of the mind, fall from the tree in silence and unnoticed; and so let is perish, without taking it up to present to your neighbors. But when you have joy and happiness, light and intelligence, truth and virtue, offer that fruit abundantly to your neighbors and it will do them good, and so strengthen the hands of your fellow beings.”

Emphasis mine

This principle is powerful and so applicable today. I love that he uses the word vent twice. How many times do we vent and leave a trail of bad fruit in our wake for others to pick through? To me, the most powerful teaching is what to do with our own bad fruit, because we all have moments of frustration, disappointment, offense, trial, and irritation. This week we have learned that it is how we react in those moments that makes us saints, those are our defining moments. So if we are not to give vent to those feelings, what should we do? Ray, our artistic director, made me laugh last year when he said, “You don’t swallow bad fruit. It will make you sick!” So if we don’t unload it on others, if we don’t keep it inside, what do we do with those feelings? I love what Brigham Young said – you let it “fall from the tree in silence and unnoticed.” You let it go; let it roll off your back. You share the good and let the bad go.

We have become good friend with Shanti Rose, the cast member who plays Emma Smith, who shared with us the phrase, “Drive-by fruiting”. Sometimes in life, people make a negative comment to us and the natural man wants to say something back. It has been so wonderful to recognize those comments for what they are – a drive-by fruiting, and let them go.

Today in district meeting, Jeff (plays Joseph Smith) likened others’ comments/fruit to Shanti’s grapes – one grape was good except for a tiny spot of bad. I thought of how easily and often I have eaten the good half of a grape and tossed the bad. Suddenly, I realized that is how I should handle conversations, especially when bad fruit is present. Let the bad comments fall to the ground unnoticed and focus on the good.

I have loved seeing us work on these principles. We have laughed at ‘drive-by fruitings” and have worked hard to frame everything in the positive. We have cheered when asked to run another part of the show again even when we are hot and tired and sore and the cheer has made all the difference. Ryan worked really hard to figure out a way to express his feelings for his cravats in a positive light – he came up with: “I love this cravat so much that I will wear it on the performances only so I don’t get it dirty.”

After District meetings we met on the stage for our first stage run through of the dances. The Stage is a raked stage, which means it is at a steep angle. Even walking becomes a challenge on an angle. Lots of laughter as we tried to remember what we had learned the night before, squish it all into the stage space and run it on an angle. The fact that all were laughing and no one was injured was a huge success. We did get to start fine-tuning it a few more times.

After a 2-hour lunch break, we headed back to the gym and air conditioning where we worked on the evening dance. And then after dinner, we headed back to the stage where we learned the blocking for the healing scene, the laying out the city and the parade. I really loved how my “family” – Ryan and I and a grandpa and his granddaughter, really came together in the healing scene. I felt bonded to these people I only just met as we worked together to tell our story. Ryan is the sick one in our family and I think back to my feelings when he was born and spent a few days in the NICU. The worries, the prayers, the peace, the overwhelming joy and gratitude as he got better and came home.

Over and over, we keep talking about that the pageant is our story. Every single one of us has experienced a miraculous healing. Everyone one of us have experience times we desperately needed the Savior. We are not acting on stage. We are telling our stories, out testimonies. We just happen to wear pioneer costumes as we tell our stories.

Love you all!

Julie

FYI

2010-06-30T15:31:00.001-05:00

The internet & cell phone service is shaky at best here, but lately it has been non-existent. I keep falling asleep while writing each night and I will post as much and as often as I can. Love you all! Julie

Welcome Dance practice in the gym. Ryan is on the left, Alex McKenzie (one of our directors) is in the red shirt and I am right behind Alex.

One Hundredth Part

2010-06-30T15:07:00.000-05:00

Monday, June 28, 2010 11:30p.m.

This is where it gets hard. How do I record all that happened this day? Morning feels like a decade ago. I’ll try-

We arrived at the school at 8:45 along with everyone else. Packets to pick up, sign ups for temple sessions, costume fitting times and the cast talent show (my talent is applause) and pictures for name badges. It was wonderful to see so many familiar and loved faces. So many hugs. And then the energy and buzz of excitement from everyone, new and old alike.

Costume check-in. Notice the tables of bonnets on the left and the bagpipers- they rock!

Ry and I were one of the first for our costume fittings. This year we are “merchants” and wear shades of deep red / brown costumes. I have pantaloons, a petticoat, 2 skirts, 2 bodices, 1 shawl and 1 bonnet (less than last year). Ryan has more costumes– 2 complete outfits and a cravat! He can now add cravat tying to his list of skills.

Miss Claudia in one of the 4 classrooms full of costumes

Trying on bodices

Ry's first costume - notice the cravat tying skills!

They put me to work ripping out hems.

Costume fittings post cravat tying lesson. Love the shades. The costume ladies did let him know that sunglasses were not part of the 1830's fashion.

A word about the costumes. I wish pictures could somehow convey the enormity of the costume department and their attention to detail. There are over 10,000 pieces of costumes! The department takes up fully half of the middle school. The ladies are amazing. My tailor made notes to clean the Velcro on my dresses today! They are completely outfitting almost 200 people in two and three costumes each and they are going to take time to clean my Velcro. Two things happen right off the bat in costuming – first, you start to feel a part of something really, really big. You start to catch a glimpse of the army that make this happen. It is exciting and humbling at the same time. Secondly, we really start to get to know each other as we are learning together and helping each other into the costumes. And the laughter starts as we novices try to navigate 19^th century clothing.

Current cast costumes awaiting alterations.

Just one corner of the alteration room. These sisters are AMAZING!

After our fittings, we returned to the gym and joined in various orientation meetings. We discussed the Frontier Country Fair, it’s purpose and goals, logistics and responsibilities. We sang hymns – The Spirit of God Like a Fire is Burning and Praise to the Man. The hair stood up on my arms and tears came to my eyes as we sang. The music we sing on stage and off stage is amazing.

We shared our expectations of this experience and why we came. A few meaningful notes for me:

We are not hear to “act” like a gathering of saints, we are a gathering of saints. A saint is something we each become, develop; something we are, not something that can be scripted or imitated. It has made me think about how much this life isn’t about what we do, but instead what we become.

We have many opportunities to demonstrate who we really are. Everyday we have multiple opportunities to be inconvenienced, offended, or even hurt by someone else. The saint part happens in those seconds between the offense and our response or reaction. Those moments of decision when we are wronged.

Lunch

After lunch we met the core cast and they performed one of the vignettes – the one about missionary work in England. It was tremendously moving and again, I felt part of something so big. Truly a “marvelous work and a wonder”. I felt a kinship with the early saints that I haven’t felt before – a kinship of purpose. Their goals, desires and very lives were dedicated to bringing others to Christ. That is my goal. It felt like I had found some kindred spirits from across time and heaven felt very close.

After the vignettes we met as districts. Ryan and I are in the Joseph Smith District. Jeff Dickamore (Joseph Smith) and Shanti Rose (Emma Smith) are our district leaders. There are two other families and one sister in our district. We met each other and then discussed a few things. Jeff pointed out that we can’t invite someone to come to Christ if we are not there. We don’t say ‘go to Christ’, we say ‘come’. Come to where we are, where we are striving to be. As we shared our reasons for coming and our goals, I suddenly realized that we are serving a mission and inviting mostly members to come to Christ. 90% of our audience will be members of the church. All of a sudden, I saw things in a different light. The church spends thousands of dollars and innumerable man-hours and resources and the goal is the members. As I thought about why, I suddenly started connecting the dots. We are called as missionaries. We are inviting others to come to Christ. We are asking them if they know anyone who would like a free gift of the pageant cd. We are asking them to share the gospel. It has made me realize how sharing the gospel and coming to Christ are tied together. I am not sure that I can come unto Christ without sharing the gospel.

After distrct meetings, we had a 3 hour break for dinner and Family Home Evening (a time each week for families to spend together usually with a short lesson, thought &/or scripture and activity.) We met back at the school for our first dance practice. We learned the whole welcome dance and almost half of the evening dance. So much joy, laughter, and fun. As the directors introduced what we were going to do, they talked about the idea of moving joyfully. We were not going to be dancing; we were going to move joyfully. By 9:00 we were all hot and sweaty, but we were also laughing.

It was a joyful day! So much more than I can ever share. Love you all!

Front - Ryan

Back - my dad Tom, Step-mom Sandy, me, and my step-sister Heather

Welcome Home!

2010-06-30T14:17:00.000-05:00

Sunday Evening~

As I said yesterday, we made it my friend’s home and had a great few hours visiting. Pamela is such a good friend – we actually met on the internet! We both visited a homeschooling board and struck up a friendship. Eventually we met in person and now seem to see each other once a year or so. Each time, we just pick up where we left off.

I’ve been thinking of friendship lately. One of the remarkable traits about Joseph Smith is how everyone considered him a dear friend, even if they only met him once in their lifetime. Quote after quote talked about how he listened to each person and how loved they each felt. He cheered with them their celebrations, truly mourned their heartaches, and always served them cheerfully. I want to be more like that. One of my goals this Nauvoo adventure is to improve listening ~ to really hear what others are saying.

This morning we attended Sacrament meeting with Pamela’s family after eating a killer breakfast casserole. Three times Ryan reminded me to get the recipe so I guess it will be a keeper! Ryan had the opportunity to step out of his comfort zone a bit and help pass the sacrament. It became a lesson in miscommunication. He didn’t really know exactly where he was supposed to pass too (each congregation is slightly different). He was doing a great job and a couple of times I smiled my encouragement. I knew he was self conscious, but he was doing an excellent job. Afterward, I found out that his self-conscious self interpreted my smile as laughing at him. What?????? After we got it resolved, the rest of the meeting went well. The speakers spoke about missionary work and I loved this scripture/quote printed in the program:

“How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace and bring glad tidings.” Romans 10:15 Quentin L.Cook said of this scripture, “It has been observed that the members are going to have to move their feet and let their voices be heard if they are to achieve this blessing.”

Loved it! The other quote I loved and am adding to my collection is “Rub some dirt on it”~ when you feel like complaining and life is hard – just “rub some dirt on it”; get to work. Life gets easier when you just get to work.

After sacrament we said goodbye and headed for the road. We only stopped once for gas and some sandwiches and spent the time listening to the Book of Mormon on CD and listening to John Bytheway’s “Get an Attitude”. We arrived at 4:30 and went straight to our lodge. We are renting a little cabin just outside of Nauvoo and it is wonderful! The owners are the sweetest people I have ever met. It feels so homey – filled with antiques and deer heads – a hunter’s paradise. Incredibly peaceful. I keep thinking, “I could live here forever.” We unloaded and found homes for everything and spent time visiting when my parents arrived. Around 6, Ryan, my sister Heather and I drove into Nauvoo. We first went to the pageant site – so different! The lights are up on the towers but the stage is still being built and the sound tents are not up. The chairs and all of the frontier country fair need to be set up as well. I am excited to see it tomorrow. I love seeing everything take shape as everyone pitches in.

We drove to the middle school and all checked our email. Everything is exactly as I remember it. Over and over again, it feels like home. We ran into friends from last year’s cast that are in our cast again this year at the temple as we drove back. I can hardly wait for tomorrow.

We ran a few errands and then came home. My dad read aloud a chapter from one of the Patrick McMannus book he just bought and we all laughed. Highly recommend McMannus for lots of laughs.

We ended the day with family prayer. I loved kneeling with my family, listening to my dad’s voice pray for the Lord’s blessings on this missionary opportunity. It is funny. I have only been here for a few hours and yet I already feel taller spiritually. I love feeling like I am home.

Gathering

2010-06-27T20:03:00.000-05:00

Saturday, June 26 close to midnight

I called my dad early this morning and they had just passed security at the airport headed to St. Louis! For some reason I thought they were flying out tomorrow. I also received an email from a cast member saying the gathering had begun! Core cast, directors, costuming, technicians and staff are all arriving and going to work. It is such a cool feeling to feel part of a huge gathering of people. We have been keeping them in all of our prayers.

Today, I have been intentionally putting first things first. As a result, I slept last night instead of making another mid-night run to Walmart. I showered and dressed early and drove to the temple this morning instead of packing while lingering in my pajamas all morning. I was grateful that Ry had a great time rock climbing with the scouts instead of impatiently focusing that he was late getting home. So what that we left at 4:00 instead of 1:00? We left with smiles on our faces and the Spirit in our hearts. My house is a bit cleaner than it would have been and (so far) I've remembered everything, thanks to the extra time. I am liking this "first things first" idea.

I am trying a few new things on this trip -

*Money - I put my cash in a Dave Ramsey envelope and I am writing down where I spend it and how much. Always before I just throw the dinero for a vacation in my wallet and spent it. At the end of the vacation, I have NO IDEA where it all went and usually only a magnet to show for it. Not this time! I am going to know where I wasted/ate my money.

*Chocolate - as needed only. For the first time evah, I did not stock up the car with peanut M&M's, Oreos and trail mix (loaded with chocolate). I suddenly realized that there is chocolate at every gas station in America and I could just pull over and buy some as needed. I know, duh! Either I am going gain slightly less poundage on this adventure or I miss the adventure completely because of the constant stops... we'll see.

*Munchies - I found my perfect munchies! Who knew I would LOVE sliced English cucumbers, carrot sticks and almonds so much? Not I! Even had one of those rare mothering moments when Ry put away his half eaten bag of chips and asked if he could have more cucumbers. Yes, I think I heard angels singing in the background! :)

This McDonald's is in Vinta, OK and is above the freeway. We stopped, walked around the gift shop and grabbed a burger.

We drove 5 hours today - we are half way there! We spent the drive talking about some goals and expectations for Nauvoo, listening to a John Bytheway CD - First Solo (highly recommend all of his stuff) and listening to the Book of Mormon on CD for an hour. We arrived at my friend's home after 9:00 and her two boys and Ryan spent the next hour+ in a nerf guns war and making paper airplanes.

I am so grateful for wonderful friends - I have been blessed to be friends with some amazing people.

PS-

I am posting from the Middle school in Nauvoo. We arrived at 4:30 - no problems, just a bit stiff. Our lodge is AMAZING!!!! So perfect for us. We unpacked and drove around for a bit. It feels so much like home. So many details are exactly how I remember it from last year. I am taking more pictures and will write more tonight & post in the morning. I love this place!!!!

Preparing to Leave

2010-06-25T10:09:00.000-05:00

The last few days have been filled with preparation. Many of you know that Ryan and I will be traveling to Nauvoo, IL and participating in the Nauvoo Pageant. We were in the Pageant last year so we know what is ahead and I am hoping to take you all for a bit of the journey.

Nauvoo is a city that was founded by the Mormon pioneers in the late 1830's. They arrived there destitute as they had been driven out of the state of Missouri, most arriving with only the clothes on their backs. The area was a swamp and malaria became rampant among the refugees. They overcame and within a few short years had built the largest, most beautiful city in Illinois with a population of over 20,000. Located on a gentle bend of the Mississippi, with a gleaming temple built on the bluff and the sprawling city at it's feet, it became a major center of commerce and leadership for the state. It's beauty, cleanliness, industry, organization and safety were reported far and wide, many considering it to be the most beautiful city they had ever been too. For the saints living there, it became a beloved season of joy, nestled between the painful past of Missouri and the arduous exodus to Utah in the future.

In 1844, the prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum were murdered at the hands of a mob. Outsiders thought that the Mormons would disband without their leader, not realizing that Christ is our leader, not Joseph Smith. As the church and Nauvoo continued to grow, so did the persecution. In the middle of winter in 1846, the saints left the beautiful city, their farms and homes, and made their way across the frozen Mississippi river heading west with what they could carry. They spent the winter huddled in tents and shacks in a place called Winter Quarters just outside of what today is Omaha, Nebraska. Over the next decades, thousands of Mormon pioneers would make their way west, stopping in Nauvoo before continuing on to Utah. Through the years, Nauvoo, once one of the greatest cities in America, became a ghost town. Much of it was looted, some destroyed and all fell ruin to decay. The magnificent temple built by the sacrifice of so many as a monument of worship to God was used as a cattle barn for a time before it was finally struck by lightning and burned to the ground.

Some years ago, the Church began the process of re-purchasing the properties and restoring Nauvoo. I first fell in love with Nauvoo when I was 10 years old and we spent a few short hours there after attending a family reunion in Ohio. Over the years, more and more of the city has been restored, the Red Brick Store, Scovil Bakery, The Browning Gun Shop, the brick yard, the blacksmith shop, the mansion house, private homes and farms, the temple quarry. For years, a fence guarded the foundation stones of the temple. Walking around the foundation stones felt like wandering through a cemetery - so quiet, so sacred. A few years ago, the temple was restored. It is amazing. Breathtakingly beautiful. I cried when I first saw it last year.

For years, the church has put on a pageant in July. Five years ago a new pageant opened and using an outdoor stage, music, and with a cast of 300 members from all of the world, we tell the story of this city, the people and the gospel that made it great. The audience seats 3,000 and most nights it will be full. Before the pageant starts, there is a frontier county fair where everyone, cast and audience alike, travel back in time and spend the evening playing pioneer games - stick ball, dancing, tug-of-war, cross cut sawing, stilts, puppets, checkers, quilting, rag tying, and stick pull, just to name a few. At 8:30, the bagpipes sound and lead everyone to their seats and the pageant begins.

The pageant is a miracle of no small proportions. First, there is the core cast - a group of 20 members who have all the speaking roles and are in the pageant for the entire summer. Next, there are the Young Performing Missionaries - a group of 10-12 young adult who perform many of the shows around the city and dance in two of the dance numbers in the pageant. They are also there for the entire summer. Then we have the work crew - two groups of about 12 young men ages 16-25 who work the light towers and all of the back stage (or I should say under stage. They move the stage by hand multiple times each evening). Each work crew is there for 3 week - they are amazing young men and Ryan wants to be on work crew when he is old enough. Then we have family casts. There are 5 family casts of 15-25+ families. Each cast has approximately 120-150 participants and this is what Ryan & I will be doing. The first week a family cast is there, we learn the show. Our week is filled with costume fittings, learning the County Fair games, and learning the entire 2 hour show in less than one week. We will begin Monday at 9:00a.m. and we will be performing in the finale by Tues. night. One week later, we are performing the entire show. And the pattern continues all 4 weeks of pageant, constantly there is a rehearsal cast and a performing cast all month long. It is a miracle. The directors and staff are amazing. Costuming alone is a miracle. There are over 10,000 costumes. Each cast has participants ages 18 months to Great Grandparent. That many people, that much stuff, that little time... It is a miracle.

I wish I could somehow communicate the feelings I have for this sweet place. There is a line from the pageant that Parley P. Pratt, a Mormon pioneer and former apostle of the church says in the beginning of the pageant- "When you (speaking to the audience) are here, we are here." That is so true. The lives and testimonies of these pioneers permeates every stone in Nauvoo. You can feel them. Their voices and testimonies radiate. Over and over again last year I spoke with people not of our faith who loved Nauvoo. One couple had come for only a week but were still there over two months later. The husband, not a member, didn't want to leave. Last year, Ryan and I were there on the one year anniversary of the divorce. I will never forget the first thing the artistic director, Ray Robinson, said when he first met our cast. He said that "Nauvoo is a healing place." So true.

So, the last months have been filled with preparation. There have been daily devotionals and assignments to prepare for this opportunity. We have been learning the pageant music. Tuesday, we were set apart as Special Representatives of the Church of Jesus Christ for the Nauvoo Pageant. Yesterday, I got the car trip checked and we spent an hour deep cleaning it. Today is laundry, packing, cleaning. Tomorrow, pack the car, clean the house and hopefully get on the road by 1:00. I am hoping to email a bit each day and take you along with us. No promises because internet is very spotty in Nauvoo and it is so hard to communicate the millions of wonders of each day. "I can not write a hundredth part..."

More than anything, I hope I somehow communicate my heart, the spirit of this place, the testimony of these people, my testimony. Each day this week, my excitement and joy have doubled. Being far from family when the divorce happened, I felt very much like a ship without a harbor. Until Nauvoo, no place felt like I truly belonged. And then Nauvoo. It became my harbor, the healing arms of a mother. So many prayers were answered, so much strength given, so many blessings. Am I excited to spend the next two weeks in the blazing sun with 90% humidity singing and dancing in layers of costuming on little sleep each night? Absolutely. I can hardly wait. I am going home. I am going home.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T07:57:00.000-05:00

I wrote this post about my dad two years ago on his birthday. There is nothing I would change but I few things I would add. I love my dad. I love his kindness and goodness. I love his example of righteousness, testimony, service. I love him so much for being present in our lives, especially his grandkids' lives. When Ryan turned 12 my dad gave him a special Book of Mormon that he had read and marked up just for Ryan. He wrote his testimony inside and I tear up every time I read it. What a huge gift.

Our family was at a crossroads when my mom died and could easily have drifted apart. Most families do. But my dad kept that from happening. He calls each of us kids and my grandma (my mom's mom) weekly. He figures out a way both time wise and financially to be present at each milestone for all of his children and grandchildren.

Growing up with six kids on one income and with my mom's medical bills, money was often tight or, at times, non-existent. i am so proud that my dad and step-mom have worked so hard to overcome financial adversity and are debt free. They are a huge inspiration to me. I love that they never gave up. I love that they worked so hard to make it happen. I love the blessings that have come, the opportunities that have come. They have truly turned a stumbling block into a stepping stone.

Lastly, my dad has always wanted to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This coming week my dad, stepmom, step sister, Ryan and I will be set apart as missionaries and participants of the Nauvoo Pageant. I am deeply touched to have this opportunity to serve with my dad, to see his dream partially fulfilled.

Dad - I love you with all of my heart. Happy Father's Day.
Love,
Julie

Update

2010-06-18T09:32:00.000-05:00

Since Memorial Day ~

*I finished school - inventories, grading, reports, and packing up. I actually had some time to complete some projects for next year so I am hoping (praying) next year runs even more smoothly.

*I attended a week long seminar called the Responsive classroom and I am very excited to start it next year. It was kind of weird. I was confronted with a few situations that you normally encounter in high school or college - ones that I had managed to skip back then. I've always been a late bloomer but sheesh.

*I traveled to Arkansas with my dad and Ry to attend the Hachtel Family Reunion (my maiden name was Hachtel.) Some of the highlights - visiting, the food, the farm, bottle feeding the calf, swimming, the Cassatot river rapids, homemade ice cream (twice), s'mores, swinging on the porch with Ryan dreaming about the farm we would like to have one day, all of the fireflies, Heavener Rune Stone park, waiting out the massive thunderstorm & flooding in a car wash with my dad.

*I have been lazy - sleeping in, reading books, watching movies and refusing to answer my phone for an entire day. (sorry if you tried to call me)

*I re-organized my garage and swept it out. And weeded the heck out of my vegetable flower beds.

*I went tanning. Theoretically it is to prep for my trip next month and because it is free. In reality, it is because tan fat looks better than white fat and I need to even out the fabulous farmer's tan I am getting. Because I am a pastey white skinned red-head scared to death of skin cancer I only went for 12 mins. which means I don't look like I went tanning at all. I think I got more sun weeding my veggie flower bed making my farmer's tan even darker. Go figure.

*I walked a couple of miles around the Lake with a good friend and treated ourselves to $1.00 smoothies from Jamba Juice - Pomegranate Pick Me Up with a shot of energy booster. After which I came home and scoured my bathroom at 11p.m. That energy booster works!

*I went to book club last night and talked about The Hobbit. We ate Hobbit food - mushroom appetizers, seed cake and punch. Very high marks to Ms. Paula Dean - I ate four of the mushroom appetizers and I HATE mushrooms! They were awesome. Or I was very hungry. But I have never been so hungry that I had to eat mushrooms before.

*I am currently working on catching up on a year's worth of filing (or at least it feels like it), running errands, getting ready to leave for Nauvoo next week, watching Little Dorrit, cleaning out closets, re-doing my budget, going to baseball games and working on some summer school projects.

Sorry no pictures lately. I can't find the usb cord for my camera.

Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-31T08:03:00.000-05:00

I am blessed with many family & friends that have served our country in the military. I am proud of my ancestors who have sacrificed for what they believed in and served with honor. As I have become friends with military wives, I've seen up close the sacrifices the families make and at times it has broken my heart. It has made me infinitely more grateful.

My dad was a sailor stationed in Portland, OR when he met my mom. They were married just days before he shipped out and spent the first four years of their marriage apart more than they were together. My mom became determined to meet his ship anytime it was on the West Coast, which often meant working odd jobs, packing everything they owned into unreliable cars & traveling by herself, and living in navy housing. They carefully arranged for my dad to have 3 weeks R&R with my due date in the middle so that my dad could be there for the birth of their first child. I can only imagine the heartache that they must have felt when dad's ship sailed and I hadn't arrived. My mom waved goodbye and then went to live with my grandma so she would have someone to help her when I came. My dad heard that I had safely arrived via a telegram read over the ship's intercom while off the coast of the Philippines during the Vietnam war. He held me for the first time when I was 4 months old. My heart catches a little at some of the pictures of birthdays and Christmases that were obviously taken to send to my dad. I am awed by my mom's strength and sacrifice.

Pioneer Woman has been posting pictures sent in by reader's this week with the theme - "Coming Home". As I looked at each one, my heart is touched by the love, the devotion, the sacrifice. The ones where the father is obviously seeing his child for the first time especially touched me.

My cousin Annette sent me this:

It is the

VETERAN,

not the preacher,

who has given us freedom of religion.

It is

the VETERAN,

not the reporter,

who has given us freedom of the press.

It is

the VETERAN,

not the poet,

who has given us freedom of speech.

It is

the VETERAN,

not the campus organizer,

who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is

the VETERAN,

not the lawyer,

who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is

the VETERAN,

not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.

It is

the VETERAN who

salutes the Flag,

It is

the VETERAN who

serves under the Flag,

A few months ago, I saw the movie "Taking Chance" - it is the true story of the experience the military escort had in escorting a fallen soldier home. It is deeply moving and I would highly recommend it.

Remember is a huge theme in the scriptures - something we struggle with constantly. Today is a day to remember and honor the soldiers who have served, the pain and sacrifice of their families and to pray for those currently serving. Today, I say ~ Thank you.

Road Trips & Travel Tips List

2010-05-30T09:17:00.000-05:00

I love road trips. Growing up, road trips and camping were our family vacations. We would sing songs, talk, read, and listen to my dad. He is a wonderful storyteller, knows everyone (seriously - pick a truck stop anywhere and give him 10 mins. and he will find someone that he knows or that they both know in common. I am not exaggerating) and he has eagle eyes for spotting and pointing out wildlife, waterfalls, or interesting features along the road.

Every family should have at least one really long road trip in their history. It becomes iconic - all other road trips pale in comparison. Ours was the summer I was 10 yrs. old. My dad's family all lived in Ohio and there was a family reunion. After much discussion, it was decided that we would drive from Oregon to Ohio with 5 kids ages 10 -2 (two yr. old was barely potty trained), and a pregnant mother in a Subaru hatchback. Yes, you read that right. My dad took out the back seat (pre-seatbelt laws) and laid down 3 opened sleeping bags. My mom sewed each of us our own small duffle bag that had all of our clothes, necessities and served as our pillows as well. We had a small cooler, and one small bag with some coloring books, etc (pre-technology.) We lived out of that car for the next month - we visited Mt. Rushmore, Custer's Last Stand, Ohio and all the relatives and Temple Square on the way home. Every rest stop we would shake out the sleeping bags and rotate the least dirty to the top. I remember Nebraska taking forever to drive through. I remember vowing to NEVER take cookies on a road trip and I developed a hatred for crumbs. When we would ask how many miles more, my dad would answer "Only 271 smiles more!" and we kids would start smiling and counting. I remember catching fireflies and walking on stilts at Grandpa's house. I remember playing at my Grandparents house and especially in the barns and cornfields. More than anything, I came away with a new level of independence that I didn't even know I had gained at the time. I actually like packing everything in the car and taking off. I love car conversations and being away from all of the distractions. I love the bonding experience of listening to great books together on cd, laughing at comedians, crying along with amazing talks, singing silly camp songs at the top of our lungs or sleeping to calm music as we roll down the road. I love all the games we invent and the rest stop stories that emerge. I love the sincerity of prayers said on a road trip.

Summer is here and road trips season has arrived. Because I am so scatterbrained, I scoured the net and some discussion boards a few years ago and added it to my 'after the trip' notes and compiled this travel list to help me pack for our road trips. Just thought I would share. (feel free to send me a comment with any suggestions)

Julie

Travel (with Children) Tips

Entertainment:

Rest Stop toys: Nerf football, Frisbee, inflatable beach ball, squirt guns, small parachute/sheet, bubbles

Family Blanket for rest stops

Books on Tape (Jim Weiss, Bill Cosby, Andy Griffin & John Bytheway)

Music (Raffi & John McCutcheon, Cajun for Kids, Kids Party Music, & some calm)

BSA Cub Scout Song Book

Scripture Scouts (Desert Book)

Family Times Virtues CDs

Scripture Stories (LDS distribution)

Magnadoodle / Etch-a-sketch

Colored Pencils & color books (NO crayons!)

Travel Bingo (very fun – buy at Cracker Barrel)

Metal Cookie sheet & magnets

Magic Markers & books (the ones that only write on paper)

Maps (laminated) & highlighters (yellow marks route, blue road covered)

Mad libs, Word searches, kid magazines

Surprise Bags: treat, well wrapped toy, new book or game

Individual Snack Bags packed each day

Individual pillows

Favorite small blanket/fleece throw

Leap Frog/Leapster/DS/Gameboy

Portable CD player &/or DVD player w/ head phones

Bordom Games:

License Plates - keep track of how many states you see

Count how many types of cars you see (i.e. count all the vans)

ABC game – find the letters of the alphabet in order from things that you see

I Spy with my Little Eye –

Who Am I? Pick someone everyone knows and give yes or no answers until they guess who you are.

Scripture Chase (for littles – find the index, a footnote, the title page, etc.)

Letter boxing & Geo Caching (google them - they are awesome!)

Words that rhyme with________

Animal names that start with____

General:

Cooler: Bottled water, apples, oranges, grapes, baby carrots, bagels/English muffins, cream cheese/Laughing Cow Light Cheese, cheese sticks, Gogurts, Tuna pouches, Mayo packages

Snacks: Pretzels, Pringles, Trailmix, crackers, goldfish, licorice, smarties, nuts, raisins, dried fruit, seeds, crème savers, lollipops, starburst, Chex Stix, jerky, gum, certs, tic tacs,

Camera

Wipes

Hand Sanitizer

Flashlight

Journal & a couple of pens

TP for rest stops

Walmart bags for trash/small trash can for car sickness

Car Timer

Zip locks

Sunscreen

Air freshener vent sticks

Double check for license, current insurance & registration and ER numbers

Cell phone & charger

Interesting Question...

2010-05-25T06:53:00.000-05:00

Last night Ryan asked, "What is the millennium?"

I explained - "A period of a thousand years when Christ will personally reign on earth."

And what was his first question?

"I wonder what kind of car Christ will be driving..."

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-10T23:22:00.000-05:00

This Mother's Day has been filled with so many mixed emotions, many felt in the same moments. I have always been staunch in feeling that today wasn't about me and my mothering opportunities or abilities, but rather about my mother and grandmothers. I have heard of others who won't attend church on Mother's Day, their disappointed desires making it too difficult and I have never quite understood that. And in the past, I have found tender mercies on this day. So, when earlier this week I began to analyze my mothering reality and compare it to my expectations, I was a bit unprepared for the sea of emotions that followed~

Humbled~ that would be the overriding emotion this past week. Humbled that I have this blessing. Humbled that the Lord thinks I am capable. Humbled by my inadequacies. Humbled by my blessings. Humbled by the promises of the future.

Gratitude~ that I have the opportunity to be a mother to many kids around me and that I can feel that blessing. I have been thinking much of the little girls that we fostered for so long and almost adopted. Missing them. Grieving for them. Tim asked for a divorce four weeks after they left and I am just now beginning to feel the heartache of their loss. But even though my heart aches, I am so grateful for those beautiful kids and I would do it all again in heartbeat. I often try to imagine how Shelby would look now. She is 6 years old now - almost 7 and in school. I wonder how long her hair is... Are her eyes still so clear blue? Does she still love to smile and laugh? A friend ran into Shaye and Dasia the other day and called to tell me how cute they were. I miss them the most on Sunday afternoons when I would braid their hair for the week. I miss Shaye's gorgeous, shy smile and Dasia's mischievous laughing eyes.

Working in a low income school, I have the opportunity to be a stand in mother for some of my students. I have gone to games, helped with homework, cheered, advocated, and cried with and for so many of my students. I tell them almost everyday that I love their guts and I really do. They are amazing. I am so grateful to feel love for them. They are not just a job and I am not just a teacher. They are my students. They are part of my heart.

Aching~ for the missing kiddos. For the feel of a sleeping babe in my arms. For the bowls of cereal dumped in their hair and the dimpling smile and twinkling eyes peeking out from under the bowl. For the squeals of delights as they run as I chase them. For the mad little pouts when they don't get their way and the full blown tantrums in the store. For the hugs and snuggles and slobbery kisses. For the funny things they say and the guileless honesty.

Blessed~ There are some things I know I've done right for me and I cherish those blessings & memories. When I was pregnant with Ryan, someone made a comment to the effect that you never hear grandparents say they regret holding their children so much. It struck me and so I was a holder (still am.) I rocked Ryan and all the girls for years, every night, many times all three on my lap at a time. And I do not regret a single millisecond.

Another blessing has been bedtime. Since Ryan was born, I have sung a specific song to him that I learned on my mission. As each of the foster kids came, each of them had their own song that would come to me and I would sing it to them, often a few times each night as they drifted off to sleep. A miracle happens every night and still surprises me every time. While I have spent a good portion of my life around many musically talented people, I am not naturally musical. I don't sing well. I don't know how to read music or stay on pitch. Yet every night when I sing to my kids, I can sing. I can sing well. I can sing parts and play with the melodies. I can stay on pitch. And each night I feel again the miracle of the blessing.

Every night as I tuck my kiddo(s) in bed, I have always had two questions - What was the best part of the day? and What was the worse part of the day? Over the last year I have added the question, Who did you help today? These conversations have been amazing, such a blessing. I have loved seeing the day through the eyes of a child.

There are other things that I am grateful that I was prompted to do as a parent. Books we have read, traditions we have created, discussions we have had. I love my son. I am so grateful for his choices that brought him to my life. I started writing this post thinking of the many shortcomings I feel as a mother yet all I can think of now are the blessings. I guess that is how it should be.

Lastly, I want to record this Mother's Day-
Saturday, our friend Blayne brought over his lawn mower and worked with Ryan and his two sons and mowed our lawn. I love, love, love a nice lawn and this was such a gift. Then they all went to the Allsups and Ryan helped mow their lawn. Blayne took all the boys fishing where they caught Mother's Day dinner - 5 large Walleye for after church the next day. (It was delish! I love fish!) And Kim sent him home with a gift bag - a gift she helped him with. My gift was perfect~ a silhouette of Ryan. Absolutely perfect.

Sunday, Ryan nervously prepared his first talk in Sacrament meeting. He did great! He made me smile and tear up. He wrote the talk by himself and I am so proud of him for accepting such a daunting invitation. I am grateful that our faith gives twelve year olds the opportunity to speak in front of 200 people for 3-5 mins. I was so grateful to see Alisa's mother at church. When my mom knew that her illnesses were terminal, she gave each of us four daughters matching Black Hills Gold lockets. I wear mine when I am missing her or thinking of her or for many family occasions. As I was sitting in church, I realized that I had forgotten my locket and the tears welled up. As I saw Angela sitting by Alisa, I felt like I could feel my mom close by and her love washed over me. I respect Angela so much and for a tiny moment, she was my stand in mom.

I am so grateful for the priceless blessing of friends. I am so grateful to be a woman, to be a "mother of all living" each and every day. It was a perfect day at sea.

Choir of Angels

2010-05-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

Sunday, May 1
One of Ry's electives this year has been choir. He is still surprised that his teacher thinks that he has a great voice and can sing. Yesterday, they performed in a choir competition and won first place out of a ton (over 100) schools. They won a 4' trophy and received a score of 99. One of the judges said to the kids, "I don't know what the choirs of angels will sound like in heaven, but I think it will sound just like you."

Mrs. Adams has been Ry's choir teacher for the last two years. He had to go to a mandatory audition in 5th grade for honors chorus and was shocked when he made it. This year, we was invited to join the Circle the State choir and has been invited to join Show Choir for next year. Each time, he is surprised that he has made it. Over the last two years, I've slowly watched him lean toward music. He sings much of the time (to his dismay) bits of songs stuck in his head. He sings more in church. He talks to me about pitch, parts, and his breathing. I don't know if he will do Show Choir or not next year. Either way, I am so appreciative of Mrs. Adams for seeing music in him and revealing it to him.

Mary Webster

2010-04-30T19:46:00.002-05:00

Saturday, April 17, 2010 ~ There is a funeral starting as I type these words and while I am not there physically, my heart is. This post may take a few days to write. How do you sum up your relationship with someone who has touched your life so profoundly? And the thing is, I know that I was not an isolated case. I know the chapel will be filled and so many more like me who can not be there.

Mary and Wayne Webster are second generation orchardist in the Hood River Valley where I grew up. The Webster family and orchards have been foundational in the development of our small town. If there was such a thing as rural royalty, they would have been it for the valley. As a kid, I thought they could be royalty because of their financial standing. As I grew older and saw their example, I understood they were royalty because of their character.

My first memories are of Brother Webster as the Bishop of our ward. My first memories of tithing settlement are with him. I think my testimony of tithing first started with the good feelings I had after our family met with him.

I became more aware of Sister Webster as I grew older. There was a time with things were financially tough for my family and the church helped us out with food. My mom would let them know what we were in need of and an order would be placed. The problem was that sometimes not everything would come. I remember once the order came and while the peanut butter arrived, the bread did not. Mary showed up a bit later with shopping bags filled with bread and a bunch of fresh produce.

With 6 kids and many a health problems, my mom was not the most organized of housekeepers. And she liked to sew and had a great weakness for fabric. Sister Webster saw a need and talked to my mom. For the next few months she and another sister from church came once a week for 3-4 hours and helped my mom wash, catalog and organize all of her fabric. When they were done, my mom had a 3" binder with bits of fabric stapled to the pages listing the yardage and what box it was in and there were 67 apple boxes of fabric sitting on new shelves. I really can't explain what that service meant or how she endeared herself to our family. In her quiet way and with her cheerful smile, she never judged my mom, but she truly inspired her to do better, to be better. My mom would work extra hard on cleaning the house the night before the "sisters" were coming. She taught my mom, but she also taught us girls even though we were never there (they would come while we were at school.) Each of us have our own fabric and things organized much the way Mary taught my mom.

A few months after they finished the fabric organization, our home caught on fire (the dryer had an electrical short.) It was an extraordinarily hot fire that melted the appliances. The smoke and water damage were severe and most of the house was lost. A day or two after the fire, Bro. Webster called my dad and asked him to stop by the house, that he had some clothes to give him for us. My dad stopped by expecting a bag of clothes by the door. Instead, Bro. Webster took him into his bedroom and opened his closet and told him to pick some suits. In the end, my dad left with more than one suit, his size, straight from Bro. Webster's closet.

In the weeks following the fire, a mammoth mountain of charred remains grew in our front yard as we emptied the house to begin reconstruction. I know that my parents were beginning to worry about how we were going to afford the bill to the dump to get rid of it and how many trips/Saturdays it was going to take. Then one day, it was gone. The Websters had brought in a dump truck and their own orchard work crews and spent the day taking care of it. Not only did they pay for the truck and the dump bill, they paid their workers' wages even though they were not working in the orchard. A bit later, that same crew was paid to sheet rock our house. We moved in that evening. Looking back, I honestly do not know how we would have made it through that time without the Websters. They were angels and the gratitude I feel still makes tears trickle down my cheeks 24 years later.

Over the years, the Websters annually arranged (and I believe sometimes funded) for the performing groups from BYU or Ricks College to come to our little tiny town. Lamanite Generation, Ballroom, Young Ambassadors, Folk Dancers, Showtime Company, and all the choirs came over the years and everyone from miles around came. I was a senior in high school when Showtime Co. came and I LOVED it. I cried when they left and that day walked into the guidance office at school to figure out how to go to college. I spent the next few nights writing essays for every scholarship. I called Mary Webster for tips on how to get to Ricks as her son Scott was a year ahead of me at school and he was there. Four months later, I was a freshman at Ricks College. I applied for the crew and made the cast for Showtime Company. Over the next two years I traveled all over the British Isles and the US with that company. A huge, huge blessing in my life that started from their selfless efforts.

As a single adult, I got a call from Mary one day asking me if I would be in a melodrama for the next ward activity. She was in charge of the Ward activities at the time and they were AMAZING. She figured out ways to involved every. single. person. in the ward. I especially remember the New Year's Eve dance that she organized. It was a night in Paris - complete with a city scape, the Eiffel tower, flower shops, sidewalk cafes, and street lamps. We worked for days setting it up and I had so much fun. I couldn't believe the work and detail she put into every little thing.

More than just their example and service, Mary and Wayne Webster have deeply influenced my life. He was the Patriarch who gave me my blessing. I was the second blessing he gave - his son was first. I know that they helped financially so that I could serve a mission. When I was married in the temple, they paid their orchard crews to landscape their already beautiful yard and hosted our wedding reception. They attended my mom's funeral and a few months later, their son shared this story at Wayne's funeral. He said that as he was helping his dad into the car after my mom's grave side service that his dad said that he didn't know how much longer he wanted to be around. All of his friends were passing on. I was so stunned to hear that. That he considered us, my parents, our family his friends. Even though we were such different economic circles, we were not a service project to them. We were dear friends.

Mary passed way this past week. I am so happy for her. She and Wayne are together again and I know that my mom will so happy to see them. I am crying, but they are happy tears. My dad heard the news yesterday and changed his plans to drive 4 hours one way to attend the funeral on behalf of our family. I so wish that I could go home today. To be at the funeral. To pay my very deepest respect to an amazing woman. To mourn with her 8 children and 32 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. Biologically, we are not related, but I love her as deeply as a mother, sister, and dear friend. Instead, I record my experiences with her and publicly thank her for everything she did for me and my family. Next to my family, the Websters have had the most profound effect on my life. So many things that I hope to be were first shown to me by her example. Literally.

Goodbye sweet Sister. Until we meet again, God be with you~

Here is a link to the tribute her family wrote on their business blog - The Fruit Company

Notebook Memories - Things I always want to remember...

2010-04-21T23:41:00.001-05:00

Ryan singing to himself in bed tonight - "The hills are alive with the sound of music La, la, la, la, la." He has the song stuck in his head and has been singing it off and on for the last week or so. Tomorrow night is opening night for his school musical "The Sound of Music" (Yeah Savanah!) and the choir has been practicing during his choir hour.

This reminds me of last year when he was singing all of the songs to Mama Mia! all the time because my friend Alisa played it all the time when she gave him a ride to my school everyday.

Gotta love when good music gets stuck in their heads!

And on that note - ;)

let me share with you Ryan's science project. I have 3 glass jars in my bedroom window right now with 3 styrofoam cups full of soil under them. One has my iPOD ear bud just above the soil and the little seedling is listening to hymns all day. Another has Ry's ear bud from his MP3 just above the soil and is listening to everything on Ry's MP3. The third is listening to silence. We plug in the devices in the morning and the seedlings listen all day and then I recharge them at night. He is measuring the effects of music on plant life. Is it wrong for the mother in me to be rooting for one seedling over the other? I will let you know the result in two weeks when he finishes the project.

Lastly-

Tonight the scouts started working on their Physical Fitness Merit Badge by running 1 mile - 2 1/2 laps around our church and parking lot. One boy in the group fell a lap behind and was struggling a bit to finish. He passed the other boys who had just finished and started on the last lap. After a few minutes, three of the boys who had just finished and were still breathing hard, got up and ran the last lap with this boy. One boy ran behind him with his hand on his back pushing him while the other two boys ran along side. As the four passed me, I listened to these sweet young men encouraging him on, "Come on dude, you can do this. Think of those linemen, we gotta outrun those linemen. Hey, look, we are almost there, you're doing it! Don't stop now, you can do this." Ryan and another boy were about 3/4 of a lap ahead of this boy so they didn't run with him until the very end but as he got closer to the line, they ran out to meet him and cheered him in. I was so proud of these young men tonight and felt privilege to see a glimpse of the men they are becoming.

A few years ago someone pointed out to me the difference between teenagers and youth. They noted that the leaders of the church ALWAYS use the term youth. We all know what connotations the word teen or teenagers brings up. We discussed the difference with the word youth. Youth is encouraging, hopeful, active, full of life and ambition. Youth implies leadership, respect, goals, and solutions. Teen is, at times, a disparaging remark, implying troublemaker, disrespect, lazy, and uncommunicative and is usually followed with a sigh or an eye roll or both by adults. I have remembered the conversation and try hard to always use the term youth. I even call my 3rd graders young men and young ladies.

Tonight, these 12 yr. old young men really touched my heart.

Miscellaneous Blessings

2010-04-17T13:29:00.000-05:00

So grateful:
  *for unexpected financial miracles, especially the ones that meet needs only known to the Lord and me.
  *for my homeschooling experience. Grades K - 3 are now supplementing with the phonics program I used. Also, the established pattern of mom directed education is proving very helpful in the afterschooling that we are working into our schedule.
   *Excellent friends who spend their time to help me and even more importantly, talk to me.
   *Ryan's science project. I hope we both learn something. More to come on this later.
   *for the sweetest sisters ever who worry about me, check on me, pray for me, and encourage me.

Gathered in this past week - a year's supply of TP.

Life is good...

In Defense

2010-04-05T18:49:00.000-05:00

Of the Lemon Bar recipe - When you decide to half a recipe, it is a good idea to half the lemon juice. Especially if you only put in half the sugar.

Of Ryan- He did try to clean up the 1/2 c. syrup off the carpet. He did make his own dinner and how many 12 yr. old boy really clean up after themselves? He did do the additional school work I require without complaint. And he did start a load of laundry. The first time I asked.

Of my parenting attempts - We had family prayer this morning and scripture study (and an actual discussion). Hopefully that weighs out that Family Home Evening will be a prayer in the car and a late baseball game tonight.

My favorite quote from General Conference -
"The end will be better than the beginning."

By the Way...

2010-04-04T20:24:00.000-05:00

The Weight Watcher's friendly Lemon Bars are the tart ones.

You won't want to eat them. My tongue is permanently puckered.